Post # 1
Let me start by telling you a bit about us. This will be my first wedding and fi 2nd. His first marriage ended bad when he found out his ex-wife was sleeping with an 18 year old. So this really affected him, even as much to say that he would never remarry. Then along came MsPocahontas who always dreamed of a beautiful wedding, only marrying once, and doesn’t believe that a piece of paper should define a relationship. I honestly think that getting married through the court is proving something or like a piece of ownership. I mean to each it’s own but its just not for me. So here we are today, planning our beautiful vintage outdoor tent wedding, and everyone I tell about it says it’s a “FAKE” wedding. I mean we are doing everything a wedding is. From an officiant, to exchanging vows, ring exchange, wedding gown, honeymoon, I mean the whole 9 yards. Except we will be leaving out one simple thing, we will not be filling with the state of Florida that we are a married couple. We have been living together for 3 years now and I see myself with him forever. Isn’t that what really matters? Not some piece of paper?
Post # 3
@MrsPocahontas: have you told the officiant about this? I’m only asking bc our officiant made it clear to us that he would not do the ceremony if we didnt have the license…
Also I can see why people are questioning it… IMO it’s just you and your FI throwing a big party..for them to celebrate… What exactly? Your relationship and that your committing to each other in front of people?
Post # 4
You say, to each their own and I agree.
And oddly enough, i used to agree and think the paper wasn’t a big deal, but I’ve come to change my mind, and i think it is. It’s not ownership, or proving “something”, but publicly declaring that you choose to commit your lives to eachother.
You’ll find most people think that way, so if i were you, i’d just leave that bit out.
Edited to add that the PP made a good point, my officiant also wouldn’t do it with out giving him the marriage license ahead of time.
Post # 5
Isn’t that what really matters? Not some piece of paper?
idk. I think it does. i wanted to legally be married so I would have a say if something happened health-wise, so to me the piece of paper matters a lot
Post # 6
I think getting legally married does matter. At least, to me it does. You gain a great deal of legal rights when you’re married versus not married.
Post # 7
I think your making a mistake IMO. Basically from a legal standpoint, as far as owning property, life insurance, children down the road…it all gets more and more complicated without that piece of paper, think long term.
Post # 8
You’re right, it is a piece of paper. But it isn’t ownership.
My husband and I feel the same way to some degree. We didn’t need to get married to prove we love each other, to devote our lives entirely to each other. We had no need for that.
However, getting married, legally married, was far more beneficial to us. We get benefits through the military, we get benefits through the government, all sorts of goodies. If my husband is ill, I can see him in the hospital. If he cannot make decisions for his health, I can. The same goes for me, too. It ties us together in ways that love cannot bind us. It gives me control over his life if he needs me to control it.
There is a lot more to it than just paper that you might be able to use.
However, if this is what you truly want, go for it. It would just be a party. A party for what? It isn’t every day that people throw parties because they’re in love. But, I fully support your decision to do it if you so choose. To each their own.
Post # 9
@MrsPocahontas: yes and no. I don’t need the piece of paper (although I want it) what’s important to us is getting up in front of all the people we love and promising to be together forever. If all we wanted was legal status we would have gone to city hall/the courts years ago.
You won’t be legally married but you’re exchanging vows that will be meaningful to you and you are promising to honour those vows. I think it’s sweet and great and there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t know anything about Florida law so you want to make sure that you are protected and have rights (next of kin etc…) but other than that who needs a piece of paper!?
Post # 10
If you’re going to all the trouble of announcing to the world that you’re “married,” why not make it legal? There are many incentives to being married. Why do you think so many same-sex couples are fighting so hard for the right to be legally married? You also might want to do research to see if there are any legal ramifications of having this type of ceremony.
Post # 11
Sure, it’s paper – relationships crumble and begin all the time whether or not the law is involved.
I didn’t get married because I wanted to own my husband – but if we were indeed going to be together forever, I wanted the legal protections it provides. I didn’t want to be left out of his insurance, making his medical decisions, etc. In many cases, these problems can be solved by filing all of the paperwork individually…but if I’m going to go that far, I figured why not just simplify it and get married? There’s now no question in just about any situation – I am his wife and I have rights.
The religious aspect didn’t mean much to us, but I’ve also heard Christians argue that Romans 13: 1 – 7 makes the argument that Christians are to follow the law of the land…including making the marriage a legal one as well.
At the end of the day – you live the life you want. We’ve had gay friends who had commitment ceremonies, knowing well their marriages would never be recognized in their state of dwelling. I regard them as no less married than anyone else, and I extend that as well to couples who make the public declaration. It’s between them and the government (or not), I say.
Post # 12
I have to disagree, I think that piece of paper is very important. It’s a huge commitment to be bound to someone legally by marriage, and a wedding is just not the same without it.
And as other bees said, there are a lot of other aspects of marriage that need that piece of paper in order for you to see any of the benefits.
Post # 13
Sounds a bit weird to me, but whatever. If a piece of paper doesn’t matter, why not do it? Just curious.
Basically, it sounds like a committment ceremony, such as what would be done by same-sex couples in states where their marriages are not recognized. Just an observation, if anyone says its fake or just a party, no, it’s a public declaration of your commitment to eachother.
Post # 14
@MrsPocahontas: I say good for you. A marriage license dosent mean anything compared to the vows you take to eachother. Besides commonlaw marriage cover basic relationship rights. I wouldn’t consider you fake married at all, this sounds like the real deal.
Post # 15
@MrsPocahontas: Hear, hear! I also have been married once before, on paper too, and this time around, I’m ok with not having a ML (although FI wants that). Granted yes, you get more ‘benefits’ if married, if you’re concerned about that type of thing. But you absolutely don’t have to prove anything to anyone by following the status quo. I salute you! 🙂
Post # 16
Its far more than a piece of paper, its legal rights, protection and benefits. As a lawyer I talk to many pepole who think it doesnt matter and being common-law is enough. They could NOT be MORE wrong. Why on earth would you spend all that money for a dress up day on a fake wedding. Legal Marriage IS that piece of paper.