Post # 1
This is more of a vent or rant than anything else. I love my husband dearly and I know that he is the perfect man for me, but lately I’ve been so upset with him. It was our 3 years dating anniversary a few days ago, and he had the idea to go to the hot tubs (fun place where we can rent hot tubs for a few hours to just relax). I suggested we got to dinner first. I spent quite a while getting ready and bought a really thoughtful gift for him, nothing too expensive, but a few small things that he needed/wanted. Well, long story shorter, he didn’t get me anything, said he didn’t think we were trading gifts. We have always traded gifts for our anniversary. He said we didn’t talk about it so he assumed we weren’t doing anything. He didn’t even get me a card. We argued about it the next day. And he said some hurtful things. We ended up arguing again about other stuff last night. I feel like we are just arguing so much right now.
Yes we’re married so it’s not like this is our forever anniversary, but I still feel like it was a big thing. 3 years is a long time together.
I’m the sort of person who loves giving people gifts, just because. So of course I was going to give him an anniversary present. We’d already argued a bit lately because he’s always working and I feel like work is his first priority. This is really bothering me…a lot. He asked me last night (while arguing) what I wanted him to do, what I expected from him. I told him if he couldn’t be bothered to get a card or anything the day of or the day after, then don’t bother because I’d know it was because I said something, not because he really wanted to. Yeah, life is fun around our house right now. I just want to stop arguing.
Ok. vent over.
Post # 3
I’m really sorry, maisymay. I really don’t have anything to say except this will get better. And you’ve already talked about the work stuff…it sounds like just a weird stress period.
Post # 4
I’m sorry to say, but I think you are waaaay overreacting. He didn’t get you a gift or card for your “dating” anniversary? I say lighten up and give the guy a break. He took you on a date, that’s pretty nice. My Fiance wouldn’t even know what our dating anniversary was, let alone acknowledge it with a date, a card, or a gift. I would not waste your time arguing over something like that. Save your resources for an argument worth winning – like he stays out til 4 in the morning without calling or spends a bunch of money without consulting you.
Post # 5
I’m sorry… are you me??? Are we the same person?
We got back from our Honeymoon the week before my birthday. DH’s car broke down that week (a few hundred $$) so I said not to worry about a gift. But EVERY YEAR I put up the same decorations and a cute hand-drawn note for his bday (3 weeks before mine) and get him a card or something small. But he BLEW OFF GETTING ME A CARD! And work was his excuse too… I was like ok I get that but you can’t stop at CVS on the way home?
I think you need to read that love languages book. I’m planning to. I took the quiz online and my love language is gifts. It doesn’t mean you’re materialistic, it means you really care about those material signs of love like a note, or him buying you your fave candy when he goes to pick up milk, etc. I need to figure out what DH’s is because I think that would help me show him appreciation, and I think he needs to figure out mine!!! LOL
Post # 6
@kgpugs, we did read the love languages book. mine is gifts, but that makes me sounds greedy. His is time. We spend a lot of time and I plan a lot of dates/time stuff for the two of us.
@jennib what was hurtful was that we’d been talking a lot recently about love languages and what ours are. mine is gifts. this doesn’t mean i expect presents all of the time (far far far from it) but little things like notes or cards are something i do care about. he had already said that he wanted to be more sensitive to that. our dating anniversary has always been important to both of us. we started dating april 13th 2007 and every month on the 13th it gets mentioned (not just by me, he brings it up a lot too). the last few days we’ve been arguing about other stuff too. he’s said some hurtful stuff completely unrelated.
Post # 7
@maisymay: Sorry you’re going through that.. I think you should keep in mind that we tend to speak our own love language: you bought gifts, and he planned a nice date – you both gave the other what you like yourselves… We all do that, adapting to the other’s love language is hard – just a thought.
I hope you work through the other issues soon!
Post # 8
@ Maisymay: Yeah, fighting sucks. I usually find that when my Fiance and I are having a rough patch, things have a way of working themselves out and it blows over in a day or two.
Post # 9
I’m with JenniB- my fiance is very thoughtful but I do not think he would give me a gift on our dating anniversary after we are married. We will have been together almost 5 years when we get married.
Guys are guys- that’s what makes them great and what makes us crazy some times. Sometimes you have to be happy with what you have.
Post # 10
Oh i totally wouldn’t have done a card+gift for our dating anniversary but I think you did because that’s what you like to do and he planned a date. I think this is a misunderstanding–you each have different ways of showing love.
As far as the work thing–is it temporary? Like a big project came up or something? Do you work full time also? Dh made a comment the other day that i’m “always at work” (i work 40 hours a week, no more no less) and I think he only feels like it’s so much b/c he isn’t working.
Dude this totally just sounds like a funk. Ask him when he thinks he’ll be able to sneak away early and spend the night together watching tv and RELAXING
Post # 11
@maisymay – I think maybe his gift to you was mentioning and planning the dinner and going to the hot tubs? I know you guys say that your dating anniversary is very important to both of you, but sometimes, guys just aren’t as thoughtful as we are. And, if this is your first dating anniversary after you got married, I think that you may need to cut him a bit of a break. Maybe he just assumed that you would still recognize your dating anniversary, but gifts were reserved for your wedding anniversary.
My husband and I still celebrate both (we’re nerds and love it), but right after our wedding, we both just assumed that we would just recognize the dating anniversary with dinner or spending time together. Maybe now that you’re a little calmer, you guys can talk about what your expectations are. Unfortunately, he can’t read your mind and KNOW that you want him to give you a gift for your dating anniversary? Maybe a playful, “I got you something for our anniversary on Friday” would have been helpful beforehand. Just a small little reminder that some sort of gift, even if it’s as small as a love note, is important to you.