Post # 1
Ok… So I’m posting this on here and asking you girls because I don’t know where else to find some input on this. Here goes..
My FI and I have been together for 1 year and 8 months. We moved in together this past december and got engaged then as well. We are planning a march 2012 wedding. Things are totally not happening in the bedroom. We have never done anything. I’m getting a little worried/frustrated. I’m starting to think he is a virgin. I don’t know how to talk to him about it without embarrassing or offending him, but I’m in need LOL (sorry TMI I know!) He knows I’m not a virgin..maybe he’s too shy? I don’t know what to do…. I’ve tried to initiate somewhat, but he doesn’t react in any way..??
Post # 3
Not even any Bjs… nothing?
Post # 4
If you’ve been together a year and 8 months, this is definitely something you need to TALK about with him.
Post # 5
unfortunately nothing.. beyond simple kisses…he doesn’t even kiss me passionately. I love him dearly, but I’m starting to have doubts about our relationship. I’m 29. he’s 32. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough for him, it’s depressing.
Post # 6
Were you having sex before you got engaged, and if not, had you discussed your sexual histories/attitudes about it? Did he give you the impression he wanted to wait for marriage or is this a recent development?
Sex is a really important part of a romantic relationship and a marriage so you guys need to talk about what is happening or not happening in the bedroom.
Pour him a glass of wine so he can relax a little bit and then gently bring up that you’re “in the mood” and would like some reciprocation.
Post # 7
@amber.woulfe: So before you got engaged, or even before you started living together, the topic of intimacy never came up?! I think that was your first mistake, you need to be upfront and open about everything in a relationship. You need to sit down and talk with him ASAP! It amkes me wonder how many other things are going to come up as a “suprise” later.
Post # 8
I am really confused how have you been together for over a year and not discussed your sexual relationship?
Have you ever talked about it? Were you planning on “waiting” until you were engaged?
Post # 9
Thats definately something that needs to be discussed. Sexual compatibility to important to a marriage. Definately bring it up.
Post # 10
I know.. I regret not bringing it up. I just always thought he was waiting until we were engaged etc. He talks about having kids after we get married and he obviously know what that takes, but yet nothing now. We have never been intimate.
I am going to talk to him about it this week, just nervous about bringing it up. I love him dearly, but starting to have some doubts. I know this is really bad of me. I just really feel as though it’s me and then get down.
I know I’m wrong for not bringing it up sooner, I guess I just thought it would change once we moved in together, but it’s been almost 4 months living together and it’s like sharing a bed with my best friend.
Post # 11
I know this is a show, but it can provide a glimpse of your future.
Have you ever watched Sex and the City where Charlotte marries a guy she never questioned about his sexual experiences? Turns out he couldnt do it at all… and that is your business 6 months ago or now.
Bring it up delicately. Ask him if its morals or physical problems and go from there.
Never expect anything to change without talking about it or working on it when it comes to other people. It will only cause problems. Whether we are talking about sex or doing the dishes.
Remember you two will be married so you need to communicate about everything openly!
Post # 12
Wow you need to have a conversation about this immediately. Why later this week? I would talk to him about it tonight. This is the man you want to marry and you arent comfortable discussing your lack of a sexual relationship? I wouldnt commit to marrying someone unless we had talked about this. Sex is a huge factor in a relationship and if you arent on the same page it could be disastrous down the road. Have you ever tried to make a move on him?
Post # 13
I agree it’s time for some communication the subject. I know it will be difficult at first, but it’s something that needs to be talked about.
Post # 14
You guys need to talk and soon. Like – tonight even. Honestly, I would never accept a proposal from someone without having discussed things like this.
You guys are engaged to be married and should therefore be able to talk to each other about anything. Please don’t put off this very needed discussion any longer!
Post # 15
Thank you for the input girls. I know you all think I’m dumb for not bringing it up sooner. I just didn’t want to …I dunno nevermind. It has been something that has been on my mind for a while. I will def. talk to him soon. Maybe tonight, we have to take our dog to be cremated (he passed away yesterday) so maybe not tonight, but VERY soon.
Post # 16
FIRST let me say: YOU ARE ENOUGH! Please don’t think you aren’t good enough because he isn’t initiating things.
Ditto the other’s advice. You definitely need to talk about it and find out what’s going on. Figuring out this now is the BEST THING YOU CAN DO. Don’t beat yourself up that you’ve waited until now. PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK that you are talking to him before you say “I DO”.
We are here for you! You can do it!