Post # 1
I was chatting with a friend today, making plans and she said something I thought was odd. We were talking about a day that would work for both of us. She suggested a certain day of the week saying that her husband was busy that day, so it would work for her. I understand that. But then she says that her husband gets pissed if she goes out when he’s at home. I asked her if he had any guy friends he goes out with and she said no. So basically, she can only go out when he has other things to do. I mean, I love spending time with DH, but I think a ladies or guys night out is cruical! What do you guys think?
Post # 3
That’s just weird. I prefer to go out when my husband already has plans just so I’m not sitting at home alone. But if we have to go out at different times, we do. Sounds very controlling to me.
Post # 4
I catch myself doing the same thing sometimes…I’ll be more apt to go out with the girls if my fiance is out with the boys or away on travel or something…which isn’t the best thing to do, but I just feel guilty leaving him at home alone because I hate being left home alone…
Post # 5
I kind of understand where she’s coming from. A while back FI and I were living in a town where he only knew his employees and I had one friend and my mom. He couldn’t be friends with them outside of work. So if I went to see my friend or mom he’d be sitting at home alone. It’s not that it would kill him, it’s that I felt bad that we could be spending time together and he was at home missing me and I’m watching Scrubs while my bestie clips her toenails.
This is different than leaving him at home for something special to you like your friends wedding.
Post # 6
I’m the same as Artbee. If DH has plans then I try to make plans for the same night but it’s not like he’d get mad if I went out and he was home alone.
Post # 7
I think that’s so weird too. My best friend is like that and it’s pretty darn annoying. Y’all are gonna be together forever and you can’t spare one evening out with me? Crazy.
Post # 8
Yup I think thats weird too. While its nice for us to have plans at the same time, I wouldnt not go out because he was staying home. In fact, my husband loves to be home alone and play video games and watch what he wants to so Ill go out whenever works for me
Post # 9
Yeah, I find that weird as well. I try not to schedule any plans when I know FI will be off work and I could possibly being doing something with him (differing work schedules) but there have been times I’ve gone and done something when he was home. That doesn’t seem real healthy but if they are happy with it then who knows.
Post # 10
I think it’s more that he gets pissed when she goes out with friends and he doesn’t have anything to do.
Post # 11
The “he gets pissed part” is the worrisome part… maybe she was exaggerating and just making up an excuse for why she didn’t want to hang out any other night??
I could see someone easily saying that (making their hubby the scapegoat) – but, just the same, I’d ask about it, the next time I saw my friend…
As for what works for me: I just make plans with friend and don’t give them a disclaimer of “it has to be X night because DH is busy and that’s when I’m free”. I do more of a: I’m free x, y, or z day – let’s hang!
I’m also pretty open about it, if a friend suggests plans on a night I wanted to spend with DH. I usually say something like: DH and I have plans that night, but are you free: “X” time(s) (and throw out some other options).
And, the truth is – I’m usually the one making the plans to spend time with other friends and then DH make his own plans. I also try not to create a string of plans (multiple days in a row) and limit it to a couple nights out a week with other people.
Post # 12
We go out at different times constantly. Mostly FI goes to his friends or parents houe and I stay home, just because I’m a crazy homebody. We do have one day off together than neither of us will make other plans for unless we check it out with the other, but thats about it.
Post # 13
My friends do this. I think it’s so insane. He’s a grown man he can entertain himself! What is there to feel bad about?
Post # 14
@oracle: Perhaps, but now that she said something I’ve noticed a pattern. Every single time her and I hang out it’s only when her husband has something else to do. Otherwise he comes with us.
@adage: I guess that’s how I feel. DH and I don’t often make plans without one another but neither of us would mind if the other chose to. And sometimes the only time that all the girls can meet is when DH is home.
Post # 15
Uhhh – that seems awful. It annoys me so bad when my friends husbands do this crap. Seriously? He won’t LET you go out? Give me a break. Who does that husband think he is? It also annoys me when my girlfriends allow it!
I think you should have your own lives every once in a while or your going to get so tired of each other. I love being able to go out with my friends and I know he enjoys going out with his friends. The best part for me is he doesn’t get angry, he is happy for me. He knows I cherish their friendships.
I also get annoyed when wives say they have to feed their husbands and they can’t go out to dinner. Are you kidding me? My man would be like ok I will figure something out for dinner. Anyways..sorry. obviously i can’t stand when men think they are owners of their wives lives. Its crazy.
Post # 16
Unless her hubby is only in town only a few days a month I don’t think that’s normal.
Last night I went out with the girls while FI was home, and tonight FI is out and I’m home (and he’s currently working 75% away from home, so I am a little sad about it, but whatever).