Post # 1
I want children, so this whole thought process and posting about it is a bit moot, but I wondered if anyone else who wants kids thinks about it (or those who don’t have/want children feel the opposite?)
I’m going to be TTC soon and it’s taking up a lot of my thinking time, as well as being my focus of attention as I get things baby ready (get healthy, pay down debt, work out how you’ll pay for all that come with bringing up children etc etc)
And I’ve found myself thinking (almost wishing…) if I didn’t want children, all the worries I have about the future- namely money worries (how will we pay for a child? How will we pay to live? How will we pay to retire? Will we have enough? What if we don’t? .. the list is endless) – would all go away.
I’d be free to do ANYTHING I/we wanted for the rest of our lives without having to be so careful and microplanning for every eventuality.
Like I said, I do have a strong desire to have children that won’t go away no matter how much I try and consider other options (oh the wonder of maternal instinct)
Has this ever crossed anyone else’s mind or am I crazy for talking like this!?
Post # 3
I think it’s totally normal. I’m expecting my first in May and I definitely think about what life would be like if we decided not to have kids. But I know that, as nice as it would be to have that sense of freedom and not being tied down, I’d probably end up feeling like something was missing. I don’t have a fulfilling career to occupy my time or the money to travel the world, so I’ve always kind of felt like my calling in life is to just be somebody’s mom, and I’m ok with that.
Post # 4
I’m on a fence about having children. I’ve always thought i wanted them but since I’ve been with my FI and he has a 9 and a 12 year old……. I am not sure.
I think that these two will be another 10 + years and then they go on in their lifes and we will have more freedom etc… Also financially it will be easier. Adding another…. i just don’t know if i have the patience to deal with another pre-teen drama 10 years from now.
But then I am also scared of the regret of not having one… such regret can ruin a marriage.
So yeah…… I don’t know. I think about it a lot
Post # 5
I think about this, too. Having kids does not make good financial or career sense. My husband reminds me of this all the time . . . .
Post # 6
@Soon2BeeMrsG: I think is normal to feel like that or think this way. I am actively TTC and i want children soooo bad, but in the same tocken, sometimes i wonder if wasn’t TTC then i wouldn’t have a heartache every cycle that i dont get a bfp, but then again im willing to try again and again. Its totally normal that you wonder what if’s….GL girl;)
Post # 7
FI and I are leaning towards having children someday, but are very happy that we will have almost a decade before we start TTC (we’re pretty young) and part of our decision about when we’re ready will be based on finances.
That said, there are still large goals that obsess our thinking, that we scrimp and save and micromanage for! I think people naturally set goals for themselves and if it isn’t one thing there will be something else– I have yet to meet any woman with a really carefree life 😉
Post # 8
This is totally normal. And no matter how much you want a child, there will be a moment, probably not long after you get a BFP, where you think “Oh dear God, what have I done?”
Post # 9
I think everyone goes through this. It’s a final decision, and there is no going back once it’s done. You can always switch careers, move from a house, or even find a new relationship, but kids are forever.
Post # 10
@bluegreenjean: I think more about all the responsabilities I will have towards a new human being. However having a kid, as I have heard (i do not have any yet) is the most BEAUTIFUL thing on the planet. I think that pondering if it makes sense financially it is too small compared to the real meaning. However that is a VERY personal choice and I respect your point of view. However I have decided I want kids! I have seen many people ( I am older!!!!!) that did not have kids regret and others that were alone at the end of their lives and that is sad. In some 40 years your wonderful carrier and money won’t matter if you don’t have a sincere, warm hug from family…
Post # 11
It takes roughly $300-500K to raise a kid (and that’s before college).
I think about what else i’d do with that money on a near daily basis. Especially in the Bay Area, the total is sure to top that! Scary.
Post # 12
@Newbeg: Just because you don’t have a kid doesn’t mean you don’t have family. I know people who didn’t have kids but dedicated their lives to a charity or to non-profits, and died with those they helped at their side. A person’s greatest happiness doesn’t have to come from a child of their own. It can come from many places. I think it’s sad that some people can’t see beyond the “have kids” bandwagon. I would like a child, but I also know I can lead a meaningful, fulfilling life without one – with a lot of support rallied around me.
Post # 13
@crayfish: Good for you! As I said I respect everyone’s choice and think it is a very personal decision.