Not having gate/bouquet toss, getting lots of bad feedback, help!

posted 3 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I had a destination wedding on an island with a handful of guests. I didnt do the garter or the bouquet toss either -we kept my garter and framed my bouquet – a lot of florists do this now – awesome way to keep them 🙂

Post # 4
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrsswmg:  Usually here (Australia) we do the bouquet toss only, but we skipped it. No one complained or even mentioned it.

I’m curious who the people are who are asking and complaining? Like, your mother? Or friends? Especially if it’s friends, ignore them. It’s not their wedding, they’re not paying, so they get no say. Tell them it’s your wedding and you want to skip it; and when it’s their turn they can do it their way.

Post # 5
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mrsswmg:  I was just at a friend’s wedding and didn’t realize that they didn’t do these things until two days later… another friend didn’t realize until I mentioned it today. Trust me, no one else will even notice! just forget these other people that are giving you feedback, they need bigger things to worry about. 

Post # 6
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

We did it, but I don’t find it necessary. My husband kept it “clean” when getting the garter, but there are some that just turn plain awkward! It’s your wedding, do what you want!

Post # 7
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My FSIL skipped both of those at her wedding! She felt too self conscious to do the garter thing and I honestly am not sure why she didnt do the bouquet toss but to be honest, I don’t think anyone noticed. Everyone still had a fantastic time! 

Post # 8
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@mrsswmg:  We aren’t having either, for basically the same reasons as you.

I sort of wanted to do a bouquet toss, but my FI said we couldn’t do that without the garter toss & there is no way in hell I am going to have him up under my dress in a room full of people. I just think that is tactless, even if it is deemed “tradition.”

Never. Gonna. Happen.

Post # 9
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

We won’t be doing one. Instead we are doing a dance, where all the married couples get on the dance floor and the one that has been married the longest receives the bouquet. Our wedding is almost all famiy members, so that caters more to our audience and I just think it is classier.

Post # 10
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Not doing either as well. Same reasons. I always hated being made to stand in the center and pretend I cared to catch the bouquet so why would I do something I myself thought was dumb and embarrassing? I also prefer not to have all our parents witness  my FI with his hands up my dress…embarassing! Not classy (for me). 

Post # 11
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Not doing a bouquet toss as there will only be two single women at the wedding and there is no way I would ask them to stand up in front of everyone to be humiliated. Plus, if my bouquet turns out the way I hope I am keeping it until the flowers die! 

I’m not even bothering to wear a garter. There is no garter toss and it would be seen as weird in the UK to have the groom start digging around up the brides dress in front of everyone! Haha! 

Post # 12
3432 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We had a same-sex wedding with two bouquets and two garters, and none of them got tossed!  I’d just stop talking to people about it.  When the day comes, they’ll find out for themselves.

Or go with the approach another bride took on the garter issue:  “I’m sorry, but I’m not a fan of flying underwear at weddings.”

Post # 13
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We didn’t do a garter or bouquet toss. Everyone was too busy chatting/eating/dancing/drinking to notice, or care. My two single BMs were thrilled when I told them that we weren’t doing them!

I don’t think anyone asked about those things, so I can’t give you any first hand advice. Maybe just let them know that you aren’t doing those things, and mention something fun/unique that you ARE doing to keep them quiet.

Post # 14
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

we didn’t do them, as an umarried lady I always HATED the bouquet toss and i didn’t want to do that to my friends! it’s so mean!

no one really asked or noticed, all that stuff is done much later in the night and a lot of the time people have forgotten about all the ‘wedding stuff’ by then and are just in party mode.

Post # 15
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

We didn’t do it. I’m not a fan of them – as a bride or as a former single lady. No one said anything to us though. What are people saying? Do you really need to explain not wanting to have your undergarments thrown to your family and friends? 

Post # 16
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’ve been to weddings where they didn’t do the bouquet or garter toss. No one missed it. 

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