Post # 61
jcud4 : I’m not saying they do. Sometimes I feel like what I give isn’t reciprocated. Every relationship is different. Of course that’s not why I support them and none of their relationship or wedding is about me, I was just surprisingly hurt when I found out that I wasn’t planned to be in it in any way and that’s what I posted about since I am the only sister and my youngest brother is in it and I consider us close enough but there are other factors that might play into it that I don’t need to make sense of like perhaps me having a baby 9 months before. Who knows.
Post # 62
theresabow : this is really exhausting. it’s probably not reciprocated exactly. They’re younger boys. You’re the older sister. Of course you give a little more or differently. Why are you keeping track of who gives what no why and festering over open wounds, picking at them until they bleed and you can feel even worse?
Back to your constant life theme of dissatisfaction and being left out- what are you doing to make yourself feel better?
Are you going to therapy? Have you joined any groups to meet friends? Is your husband still being disrespectful of you? If so, what are you doing about that?
All of these things you expect from other people in your life while letting your husband off the hook for everything are a bit warped. Your husband should be reciprocating your love, not your brother.
There is one constant in all of these interactions. You.
Look at your post history. You’re often upset over being left out. If you don’t address yourself, this is just going to go on and on, driving people away from you and thereby becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. Read this post from the beginning. What have you gotten out of it? What have you seen differently? Nothing, except maybe they have a reason for their choice. But you have not shifted off of your victim position.
It’s fine to vent about hurt feelings,but you never stop the vent. You aren’t doing anything to help yourself. You’re not a victim. You’re a willing participant at this point. Your choice.
Post # 63
theresabow : saying beast in that context isn’t an insult, it’s a compliment. She means you go hard, again that sounds aggressive but it’s hard to convey to someone who doesn’t get that dialect. It just means you can do something that is intense and physically exerting. There seems to be a language or cultural barrier between the two of you that is leading to some misunderstandings.
Post # 64
So here’s an update! Last night they moved and she invited me over. I told them only if I wasn’t interfering and can help because I had three kids with me and she said she will love to see the kids and when we got there after talking, asked if the youngest girls will be flower girls. I was happily surprised! I said of course and that I didn’t realize they were being considered to be in it! She said yes and that they want everyone in it they just haven’t figured out everything and that it’s in a year so they have time. My brother must have been miscommunicating to my parents when he said that. He has a way of pushing me out to get their full attention. Must be a sibling thing. He is the middle child so sometimes I think he tries to do that to get quality one on one time with my parents since he shares their attention with my youngest brother and I but especially me because my mom watches my kids while I work long hours two days a week.
Anyway, I am thrilled and appreciate all the responses! I am happy I took advice and continued to be open, supportive, and giving regardless if I feel appreciated back and thank you for or those who remind me that younger brothers have different ways of showing it. Because his fiance is female I think she is a better communicator so I am happy we got to talk and am now feeling more optimistic about the future as far as my relationship with them and family dynamics. My brother just is a simple worded guy and when he does talk it isn’t always made to keep my feelings in mind which is how guys can be. I am just happy right now so thank you everyone for being honest and pointing out some truths and helping me see things from a different perspective too. I appreciate it.
Post # 65
I disagree with the comments I have read. If you are that close to your brother that he showed you the ring before he proposed, i would definitely talk to him about it. I would flat out ask why I wasn’t included and tell him you are surprised and hurt. I wouldn’t force my way in, but you are only going to feel resentful as the day gets closer, especially if you don’t say something. You don’t have to make a huge federal deal about it, but definitely talk to him.
*Just read your update 🙂 …glad it is all working out!
Post # 66
- Wedding: July 2012 - My parents' back yard
My brother and I are super close but I know that I would not be chosen as a bridesmaid by his GF if they get married. That’s just how it works; your OP does not indicate that you are great friends with your brother’s fiance – if this is the case then you should not be surprised if you are not as involved as you would like. I’mglad it’s going to work out for you in some ways! It’s good of them to include the kids too. Continue to be supportive and have fun at the wedding.