Not interested in Wedding planning

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i wasn’t interested either.  i went to a bridal show because my mom was so excited.  after the first 3 booths, i was done.  when we finished the ailse, my mom was done with all the vendors. 

i came home and told FI i wanted to elope. 

but everyone wants a wedding and i want it to be my kind of wedding.  so i got over it and started planning.

took me less than 4 months to get everything booked.  and now i am waiting for my wedding day to arrive.

stay organized and plan. 

Post # 4
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m not even engaged yet (I’ve been told by SO to expect it early 2014!) and I know I’m not going to want to plan that much. I want a small wedding, because I really want it to be about the marriage, not about the wedding. I hate drama so to me big wedding=lots of drama 

Post # 5
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I wasnt interested at all, just wanted it done. Then I started to include things I am interested in, I’m enjoying playing with table decorations, and its great spending time with my closest friends who have all been great offering to help.

So if you want to get into it, make sure that it reflects you and your FI, your interests and your values and then it becomes more than just a party and part of getting to the point of married to best person you ever met.

Post # 6
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

I’ve never been interested in our wedding or the thought of pre-wedding parties. I’ve turned down showers because I don’t want them. I’m looking at the wedding as a necessary evil that leads to me being married to my fiance.

Post # 7
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I didn’t want to plan anything. I don’t like being center of attention in the first place and any event I have thrown has been last minute and well…just a lot of fun…no ‘pomp and circumstance’. I even avoided my own graduation ceremonies through high school, college, and two university degrees! Honestly, FI getting involved and talking about things is what worked to help me figure things out. 

Post # 8
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

I was not interested either and I believe that’s why I was more calm the day off. I didn’t care that our centerpieces weren’t set up correctly because I decided on them only a few weeks before lol. 

My friend who got married 2 months after me was way into planning, she planned and re planned everything and was definitely going overboard. She ended up driving to the hall the morning of her wedding to check on her DOC and make sure everything was perfectly perfect. She ended up being late for hair and make up and had to rush the rest of the morning. 

Post # 9
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My first reaction was: YAY I GET TO PLAN A WEDDING

then it turned to….uhhhh….I have to plan a wedding?!?!

We have 21 months to plan, but I’m having this feeling of “omg I actually can/should start planning things” and it’s very overwhelming. Our guest list will be large, so it’s a daunting task.

FI was looking forward to us being married, but not the hooplah of the wedding. I was looking forward to both. Now I just want to be married!

 

Post # 10
Member
8707 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Geeze, that’s how I was. My husband and I got married Justice of the Peace 6 months before our big white wedding back home. At first I was excited, but literally as I started planning things, I was like, screw this. It was not something I enjoyed in the slightest and on the day-of, I was just so ready for it to all be over.

Post # 11
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

@Keeblerelf928:  I also did not want to plan a wedding!

Here’s what I did – told DH for the last 4.5 years that we are going to elope. He said agreed. Engagement came. His mom wanted us to have a wedding. He gave in to her because he didn’t want her to resent him. I gave him to him and resent him (it’s hard for me to let go of things so I still hold resentment towards him). Everytime I asked him a question about something wedding related, I got, “I don’t care, just do whatever you want.” After the fifth or sixth time this happened, I blew up on him and told him that I did not want any of this and he wants it because his mother wants it and he is giving in to her instead of me and I never wanted a wedding so good luck planning it because I give up. And then his mother planned our wedding with very little to no input from me. We had a nice wedding though 🙂

Post # 12
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MRSsrm85:  ROFL! This sounds so similar, only it’s been FI’s SIL and brother wanting a wedding. I’m having fun watching them remotely as they put together the majority of the wedding plans. It’s actually extremely nice and makes it feel like a big ‘welcome to the family’ event. We are having a party when we get home for my own family and friends where we’ll do another ceremony, but our ‘real wedding’ will be primarily with his side of the family in a different province. I think perhaps it will hit me when we arrive and there is two days to wrap my head around everything.  

Post # 13
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I don’t think there are any “shoulds” as in you should be more excited.  I’m not into this, and neither are any of my friends- in fact not a single one of my friends that has gotten married has said it was fun planning the wedding.  Maybe it just happens to be that my friends are like me but I don’t know anyone who thinks this is fun! so no worries, and just survive and make it as painless as possible.  That’s the advice I was given.  I haven’t been doing a great job following it because I have been resenting all the time and effort that goes into this, been getting mad at FI for not relieving this burden a bit, and getting mad at the mom/sister for telling me what I should be doing but not being willing to help out.  Therefore, I suggest making a to-do list, go about it systematically but in a relaxed way, and don’t put too much thought or effort into it. 

Post # 14
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

@dihy:  It’s kind of like my wedding “just happened.” I was so not involved that I really didn’t help out with anything at all. It was a party where I just showed up, we happen to get married and I wore a big white dress. His mother did all the hands on work involved. I kind of feel bad and sometimes think I should have helped out more but oh well. She wanted it.

Post # 15
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MRSsrm85:  I’m pretty sure that’s what it will be like for me to a degree. FI and I just wanted to get married and have a party with his family, so it’s not overly stressful for anybody. As I said, I’m not big on being center of attention and certainly not big on planning something in great detail. 

…but…FBIL says he’s been out 3 Saturdays in a row dress shopping with FSIL…poor guy! They all appeared shocked by the fact that I let FSIL (MOH) decide the color she wanted for her and FBIL (best man). My future nieces were also a little shocked by the freedom to dress up their little girls as flower girls however they could (they seem to have relaxed into this now and are having fun with it). I’m feeling a little bad as it seems they’re looking for more direction…and I haven’t got any to give them lol. Maybe they’re all afraid I’ll show up and turn into some big bridezilla? 

We haven’t been completely uninvolved. We ordered the wine and beer, had handmade bows sent, and a big white wedding tent sent. We are getting the party catered to save them all the trouble of collecting and preparing a food spread. This week they tried to go back on the caterer idea to save us money, wanting to make the food themselves or get trays from Sobey’s, but FI and I want to stick with our menu so that nobody has to do any work.

I already feel indebted enough to them for helping us out so much and think ‘geeze maybe I should give them more direction’. I read the stories about the terrible bridesmaids and terrible best men and think…”wow…I have really lucked out”. I just love them so much and really, I’m looking forward to seeing them more than I’m looking forward to a wedding. 

Post # 16
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 1993

@Keeblerelf928:  You really only have to plan one (very important) thing: you need to figure out what your budget is going to be, and what are the most important things to spend the money on. Then hire professionals and let them do their job. If you hire experienced, qualified professionals they will be able to turn minimal guidance from you into a beautiful event. Some venues even have event coordinators who will do all the grunt work of phone calls etc.

For my wedding reception many eons ago, I found a great florist whose work I really admired. She was able to recommend the caterer, the band, and a beautiful house museum as a venue, all of which I promptly booked. The venue was so interesting it didn’t need (and didn’t allow!) extra decorations. They set up a tent and tables for us outside, and the florist added lights and flowers. This left me and my husband to focus on what was important to us – the ceremony. I’ll never forget floating out of the church and into that reception, seeing it all for the first time and being blown away by how beautiful it was. The flowers were beautiful, the food fantastic, the band fun. Not one person was disappointed that I hadn’t spent weeks making custom place cards, or that they didn’t leave with personalized soap.

Our wedding had 25 guests and cost a grand total of about $4000 (this was the early 90’s.)

So I repeat: Hire experienced professionals and let them do their job.

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