Not invited people asking the date- help?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
42182 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MrsKing212:  “We are getting married in January, but we haven’t finalized everything yet. We won’t be able to invite everyone we would love to celebrate with us. I’m sure you understand.”

Post # 3
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am having this same problem. I usually tell them the date, but try not having much contact with them :/. Is that horrible? I am a part of a relatively large church (400 people) and there is no way in the world everyone can be invited. Of course, not everyone thinks they are, but some of them do when they are not! :C

Post # 5
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m having the same problem, but with ladies from my mom’s church who I’ve met maybe twice? It’s super awkward…but I would agree with previous answers. Diplomatically say ‘well, it’ll be x month, and we haven’t finalized a guest list yet, but it will probably be a small family wedding’ or some such thing. 

For me they keep posting on my mom’s Facebook wall, which means I don’t actually need to say anything to them (as they’re not actually asking me at all, just awkwardly posting how they’re looking forwards to it? weird), but if/when they do, it’ll be to say that while I’d love for everyone to be there, we had to limit it to a small family gathering. 

Post # 6
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

If I ask someone when they are getting married or if they have chosen a date it’s not because I am fishing for an invitation or assuming that I will be getting one. I’m just being nice and taking an interest. I’d be offended if I was told I wasn’t going to be invited in the answer I got – that’s not why I was asking.

Post # 7
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Lollybags:  Exactly! I was about to say the same thing.

When I want to ask someone about the date, it is not because I am looking for an invitation, but I am just interested.  I just like to know these things 🙂 

Post # 8
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I am having a 40 person wedding and it is limited and hard! I understand where you’re coming from but be careful not to assume they’re wanting to receive an invite. I tell people the date when they ask when it is without feeling weird about it. If they say when is the wedding keep me up to date so we can plan, then I need to be honest with them and say well it’s this date but it will be an intimate wedding on a budget and just family. 

Post # 9
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

MrsKing212:  this is so common in my community. I’m from a big wog community and church. Everyone just assumes they’re invited to everything. They even come up and say ‘I better be invited’ or ‘I’m invited right?’ 

We just say yes of course and we’re only planning to invite them to the church ceremony (costs us nothing). We already have 450 guests invited to the reception and really cannot afford any more. 

If you have a church ceremony you could do the same? 

Post # 14
155 posts
Blushing bee

julies1949:  +10000 I also garnish every discussion/answer to any question about weddings with a very liberal dash of “it’s going to be very small and will pretty much be close family only”. 

Post # 15
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I get this a lot so I just say “next August.” It means they can’t write “Mrs. Max’s wedding” on their calendar. So far, most people just say something like “congratulations!” or “that is so exciting” and move on. I haven’t had any fringe relationship people press for the actual date, yet.

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