Post # 1
My FI’s uncle got engaged the same time as us and the whole family was over the moon as it is the first time his uncle has been in a serious relationship. His FI has been married before so it is a second wedding for her.
They are planning a small, budget registery office wedding followed by a reception in a pub. They sent an invitation to my FIs parents, himself and his brother to his parents address. My FI and I have been living together for over a year and engaged for 6 months so I was a little bit taken aback to not be included. However, I appreciated it was a budget wedding and that they obviously couldn’t afford to include me.
I have since found out that the guests are paying for their own meals at the reception so inviting me wouldn’t put any extra strain on funds.
To say the least, I am pretty devestated. I feel like my family has made every effort to include my FI in everything and consider us as a social unit while his family still see him as a teenager. I know there is nothing I can do about it bar guilt-tripping my FI into not going (which I could never do to him). I was in tears last night about it but I know I am completely over-reacting.
However I want to rise against the tiny devil part of me that says “Well I will only invite one of you to our wedding and then see how you feel”. To show them that I want to be part of the family should I buy them a present and send them a card? Should this be joint from me and my FI? Or as I havent been invited should this come from just him as he is the one attending?
Sorry for the rant ladies!
Post # 3
Nope! Not invited = no gift.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t. I also probably would decline any invitation to a wedding where I had to pay my own way anyhow.
Post # 5
I’d say no. I’m the type who buys everyone a gift for a everything but buying a gift on this occasion seems almost like an f-u for not inviting me. i would also feel terrible if someone i didnt invite bought me a gift. I could be wrong, but I say no.
Post # 7
If you feel like you absolutely *have* to do something, send a card.
Post # 8
If you weren’t invited, they [shouldn’t] be expecting a gift! I wouldn’t sent one. Maybe send a congratulations on the wedding card or something as pp said.
Post # 9
I would get them something small if you want and not invite them to your wedding. It’s really not a big deal 98% of my family isn’t invited to my wedding not even my paternal grandmother. Just focus on you & your FI and your happiness.
Post # 10
@mrsrigsby60: This is probably what I’d do….and I know FI would be on board.
Post # 11
OK, thanks for the tips – I get so confused by wedding etiquette!
I feel that my FI should still get them a present but one coming just from him makes me feel a bit wierd, almost like by not writing my name shows that I don’t consider us a pair.
Boy am I over-thinking this!
Post # 12
Maybe just send a card from both you and your FI. I would be upset too if this happend to me. How well do you know his uncle? If you guys talked and see each pretty often, then it does suck he didn’t include you. I would just send a simple .99cent card. lol
Post # 13
@PimmsBride: Then I would include your name on the gift too, so they can see you guys are a pair, even if you weren’t invited 😉
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
Did your FI ask if you were invited? If you’re paying for your own meals, I would probably make sure it wasn’t just an oversight.
Post # 15
Take the high road… in the long run you’ll be better for it.
Your Fiance is invited and you aren’t, but that doesn’t mean that you two are not a social unit… just that this particular couple either (a) has chosen not to recognize that, or (b) is strapped for cash so badly that they’ve had to cut corners some where
Truthfully… I wouldn’t fault them entirely, because it is really hard to know if it is (a) or (b) for the no-invite
Personally, I’m leaning towards (b) I mean afterall the fact that you’ve heard thru the grapevine that folks are paying for their own meals says oodles to me…
Chances are, that if they sent the Invite to your Fiance’s Parents, with the adult children’s names also on it… that they are doing the same for other family members as well… so the cut off point is probably NO Plus Ones for the “next layer down” (Nieces & Nephews)
I know it sucks not to be going, but I’d still participate in some way… go out with your Fiance, choose a gift together, from just the two of you (even if his family is also going to do something else as Brother Bob & Martha & Family). You two can still be adults (a true social unit) and send your own gift. Be the girlie girl and wrap it pretty… and do put both your names on the card… LOTS OF LOVE & HAPPINESS – PimmsBride & PimmsGroom
Then put all the harsh feelings, resentment, sadness aside. Be genuinely happy for the Uncle… I mean at long last he’s found LOVE and that should be celebrated !!
NOTE – Ya know it is possible that this all could also be an oversight on his part… that he (they) don’t have a clue about proper etiquette practices… it can happen. Being older chances are they aren’t as plugged in as a younger Bride is with throwing a “family wedding” and what is appropriate or not (like being on WBee, reading Brides Magazines, Etiquette Books etc). Maybe they assume you’ll be coming… although I would never ever ask… as that would be obviously wrong and put you and your Fiance in a very awkward / embarrassing light. You are right in going by what was on the Invitation… I’m sure all will be right with the world between you all by the time your own Wedding rolls around !!
(( HUGS ))
Post # 16
@This Time Round: Thank you, this is really helpful advice and is exactly what I needed to hear. I think it is a combination of everything you said and I fear all my research into wedding etiqutte for my own wedding has made me into evil bride that gets distressed when something isn’t considered ‘proper’. I know it is also a combination of this and my FI’s grandparents telling him that they don’t want me to visit them that has made me this upset – it’s like it all just came to a head! Hopefully if I face similar situations in the future I won’t feel so put out.
I will do as you say, take the high road and choose something nice for them (I couldn’t trust my FI with gift buying anyway haha) and send it wish best wishes and oodles of happiness