Post # 1
Okay, so heres the sitch…
I have been with my fiance for 5 years and we’ve been engaged now for over half a year.his parents were never together and we both arent on speaking terms with his mother (she has hated me from the first moment and he hated her constantly putting me down so he told her to apologise and stop or he wont talk to her any more, she chose the later and has never even said sorry) but we talk and have dinners with his dad and partner quite regularly considering we live six hours away from them…
well they have decided to have a wedding next month, its going to be a very small affair ,in the town we live in, with parents siblings and my fiance so about 10 people all up including the bride and groom, they arent haveing a reception as such but going out to lunch afterwards… everyone pays their own way. its all very whatever, no dress or suits, its basically just a formality for the brides dying father and they are having a ‘wedding’ for friends back where they live in a couple of years with dress and suits and reception etc, which we are invited to. but i am not invited to the small one in our town.
i dont understand why i am not invited, it wouldnt cost any money for them, there is no travel expense for us, i always thought they liked me, and theey invited my partner of 5 years whom i live with and specifally said im not invited…
and on a another note why didnt my partner at least ask why? he just accepted it and moved on…
okay, so this was mainly just a rant because i feel so hurt and i dont feel like a can tell anyone i know because it makes me embarrassed that i wasnt invited… so am i just overthinking this? is this not the big deal im makeing it…
Post # 3
I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I would be hurt too. Have you asked your Fiance about it? I would be a little upset if my Fiance didn’t defend me or ask why and have a chat with him.
Do any of his siblings have SOs that are invited? If they didn’t invite anybody else’s SO then maybe they are just being strict on only wanting the kids to be there.
Post # 4
It sounds like a “family only” event, meaning married into the family only, is that right?
Post # 5
If you’re engaged and have been with your partner 5 years, you’re “family.” I would insist that your Fiance ask about it.
Post # 6
Maybe its a difficult subject for Fiance and Dad, so it was a non negotiable.
its probably a really strict family guideline and highly personal & private.
I’ve dealt with some pretty crappy death situations and I know it gets really wierd. I’m so sorry you feel embarassed and not “family” enough to be included ( I know thats your reasoning and feeling). If it really bothers you ask more of your Fiance as to why he didn’t ask, just to keep things in your communication line going smoothly.
Post # 7
thanks guys for your support… my Fiance has no siblings. i do understand a family only thingi was just wondering mostly if it is silly of me to be feeling this way… yes they have a bit of a difficult relationship and i really dont want an invitation now, i just dont no, im hurt and i guess i needed to to vent and tell someone, even if the someones are strangers…
How would you feel if it happened to you?
Post # 8
I would be really hurt, especially if you know them personally. I would be more hurt that SO didn’t question it.
I’ve never spoken to any of my SO’s family. Ever. They are from a country across the world and a whole different culture and have a million children…they just assume we are already married and never ask about me or contact him at all. He phones about once a year. In a way I am GRATEFUL for it because it takes all the family crap out of the equation.
Post # 9
If they’re only having 10 total and just inviting family members that they’re super close to, I honestly wouldn’t feel too bad about it.
Put yourself in their shoes. They’re putting this thing together super fast just so her dying father can see her get married. That’s not exactly every little girl’s dream, and it’s going to be hard for her. I don’t know about you, but I sure as heck wouldn’t want to have to put on a happy face for someone I haven’t known that long (comparatively) at such an emotionally charged time.
Post # 10
We always say to every bride that doesn’t want to invite someone that it’s there day and if they don’t want that person there it’s their decision.
It may be sad for you, but you’re just the person they dont’ want there. Regardless of the reason, it’s their day. Respect their decision and move on.
Post # 11
no, they arent an emotionally close family… its a formality and ‘rule’ for the brides family… yes, like i said before, i do understand it is their decision, and i was just hurt because they have left me out, like the rest of his family have, it was like a slap in the face for getting my Fiance okay with them in the first place and to actually accept his father… thats all…
Post # 12
@SandyDollHair: “I’ve never spoken to any of my SO’s family. Ever. They are from a country across the world and a whole different culture and have a million children…they just assume we are already married and never ask about me or contact him at all. He phones about once a year.”
You’re so lucky! <– tears of joy.
Post # 13
@mwitter80: wow, you’re right. Weird seeing it from this point of view.
Post # 14
There are a bunch of pictures from my brother’s wedding with my ex in the pictures. TONS of photos. We had been dating for four years and it was just “a given” that we would get married. Now I really hate looking at those photos, which sucks because I love my brother and SIL dearly. So I get why people have that kind of rule.
My now-husband wasn’t allowed in any family pictures until we were married because of that. I was pissed at the time, but now we joke about it.
Post # 15
@MightySapphire: My FI’s family had that kind of rule established at a family reunion. At the time we were a few months from being engaged and FI’s sister was engaged. His sister’s Fiance and I weren’t allowed in any of the family photos except for the very last one because we weren’t an official part of the family yet.