Not invited to SO's cousin's wedding? Should we ask?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it appropriate to ask SO's cousin?
    Sure! What's the worst that can happen! It could be an oversight! : (54 votes)
    23 %
    No, that's really rude. Don't do that! suck it up, you can't go! : (169 votes)
    73 %
    Other! (explain below) : (9 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    1840 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    They were pretty clear about their venue having limitations. It’s unfortunate, but it does happen. They never said anything about relationship status…


    I personally wouldn’t ask, but if you’re that curious I guess he could inquire. Worst he could get is a firm no.


    Post # 4
    133 posts
    Blushing bee

    It sounds like you weren’t invited. It’s very rude of them to split couples up. Is your SO planning on going? To be honest, I would be a little upset if my SO decided to go without me. 

    Post # 5
    266 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @forgetaboutme:  Ok, background a little.  My FI and I are in the same situation.  We have a limited budget and venue space, so we had to be very picky about who we let have plus ones and actually have it saying that on our website.
    Our decision was anyone we knew who was in a committed relationship (been together >6 months or so, living together, engaged, married, etc…you get it) gets a plus one.  So let me just say, I would’ve given you a plus one.

    Now, I personally would have no problem with a guest asking us if they could bring a plus one (some people have already done that cuz we didn’t know they were seeing anyone lol), but I also have had to turn down some friends’ plus one requests cuz it’s after we finalized our guest list and they just started dating this new guy recently.

    So, my opinion: I say go ahead and ask if there’s room for him to bring a plus one, but don’t expect them to say yes.

    Post # 6
    2052 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think they’ve made it pretty clear you aren’t invited. I think asking would just make things awkward for everyone since they’ve already stated no plus ones because of venue limitations. While I would be a little offended, if you arent married or even engaged yet, I can see why it would happen, especially if there are limits on the number of people they can have. 

    To be honest they’re probably assuming your SO wont even go because they didnt invite you, thus saving even more space. 

    Post # 8
    1216 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @forgetaboutme:  I’d have your SO ask him. I know people have mentioned that it is rude to ask, and while I kind of understand that, I also think it’s rude to invite someone without their SO. We are limited in funds and space, but we are including all family and friend’s significant others, and giving single friends and family plus ones in case things change between now and then.

    Post # 9
    6447 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Perhaps they invited couples that are engaged or living together and had to draw the line there? I understand why that might be hurtful but I personally would not ask because it seems like it’s pretty clear that you’re not invited.

    Post # 10
    20 posts
    • Wedding: February 2015

    It is unfortunate, but with the price of weddings and space being an issue, you will not be able to attend. I am limiting my guests as well. (It is NOT an easy thing to do…)

    Post # 11
    2282 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @forgetaboutme: In a lot of circles the cut off is engaged or living together gets an invited, otherwise unmarried couples do not. I personally think this thinking is beyond rude and insulting, but I would assume this was their reasoning and that you’re not invited. I would not ask the cousin and I would hope my S/O would decline to attend without me. Of course, in the cousin’s defense she has no idea you’re “like really close to getting engaged”, but that doesn’t excuse her rudeness in separating couples who are in a serious relationship. Too wrongs don’t make a right, though, and it would be rude of you to ask for your invite.

    Post # 15
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I would have your so ask if he is close enough to be able to ask that without being offensive. It is confusing when his twins so was invited but his was not, which could lead anyone to beleive they may have forgotten about you. It would be best to mention it because perhaps someone will decline their invitations and he’ll be able to bring you.

    Post # 16
    6963 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I’m guessing they made the cut off living together or engaged. It’s pretty clear with that wording that only he is invited. You’ve been together 4 years so I highly doubt it was an accident.

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