Not invited to the wedding but 9 months later i'm invited to the baby shower??

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

Rude & obviously gift grabby.  

Post # 3
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

That’s in part one reason I hate showers. Bridal, baby etc. Kids birthday parties are just as bad. So many people just care about money and stuff, and have no regard for etiquette. I wouldn’t go. 

Post # 4
1715 posts
Bumble bee

Meh, not a big deal.

A baby shower and a wedding are different events when it comes to costs, logistics, and even meaning. It is possible that the more informal, less expensive baby shower is allowing her to invite more people. It is also possible that she’s so excited about her pregnancy and child, and she wants nearly everyone she can think of to be there.

Baby showers and weddings are different kinds of celebrations, after all, and that means that people will arrange them differently, including the guest list.

I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that this is about gifts, but even if it is, there are so many options out there that picking a gift need not be expensive or complicated. And, obviously, not attending is an option. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  .
Post # 5
42089 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You can always decline.

Post # 6
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I wouldn’t worry about it unless her wedding was a 300 person extravaganza or something. We are having a small wedding and can’t invite everyone. It doesn’t mean I never want those people to celebrate anything with me. It just means I had a (mostly financial) limit. A casual baby shower is a lot easier to invite more people to than a wedding. 


If it bothers you, just decline. 

Post # 7
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Sounds like she just wants a gift to me.

I would decline.

Post # 8
3644 posts
Sugar bee

Just politely decline, if you don’t want to go. It’s that simple!

Post # 9
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

bkprettygirl:  Not really…. Wedding comes with limitations (accomodation, cost, etc.). I most certainly will not be inviting everyone to my wedding. But with babyshowers, it’s different. You don’t need to invite your husband’s cousin and their three kids. 

Weddings and baby showers aren’t the same thing. There is no breech of etiquette here.

I don’t see why this bother’s you, but if it does, don’t go. I personally wouldn’t want anyone to come that accused me of only wanting them there for a 40$ baby gift. I might feel insulted.

Post # 10
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Rhopalocera: +1  julies1949:  +1 

We all know the reason why people have showers and do gift registries. No one hates gifts.

That being said, a wedding and a baby shower do not come hand in hand. I doubt that everyone that was invited to the wedding will be at the bbshower.

Post # 11
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Not a big deal. Decline if you do not want to go.

Post # 12
1817 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Rhopalocera:  This was my exact thought.

I know when I got married my wedding was super small, but when I got pregnant I was able to invite more people to the baby shower. I’m not saying this lady isn’t gift grabby, but this could be her situation as well. And you can always send a cheap gift too. There are a ton of cheap things to buy for a baby (like a $6 outfit from Wal-Mart). Just a thought.

Post # 13
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

bkprettygirl:  eh. I don’t think it’s totally fair to assume gift grabby (she could have done the same for the wedding if she was truly gift-obsessed.) I think they are too different to assume bc a wedding invite is usually for two or more (so clearly more expensive.) and also requires more than once vote. I, means likely her hubby (then fiancé), and likely in laws and parents all probably had a say in the guest list and perhaps college friends didn’t make the cut for him, so she had to cut them too. Or he said I don’t remember so and so and vetoed.

May not be the case, but for sure with a shower it was her choice alone so she may have really wanted you there both times, but logistically only got this chance. I’m not sure we should assume alterior motives.

Go if you want to and bring something nominal or don’t bring a gift and see if she still seems happy to see you (not something I would do but ya get my point.) or simply decline if you don’t want to go and/or question her motive. But really, what’s the point in villifying her motives if we have no idea. 

Post # 14
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I wouldn’t read into it too much.  Decide if you want to go or not, and then let her know.

Post # 15
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

bkprettygirl:  its a different event.  Weddings are more expensive so yes maybe paying 100 for someone she isn’t that close to didn’t appeal to her.  She may have thought you would have fun at the shower since you know others.  I don’t think it is rude it’s not like she invited you to the bridal shower.  baby shower has nothing to do with a wedding.

If you feel so strongly about it don’t go.  If you want to hang out with old friends get her a 20$ gift card and go.  

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