Post # 1
So in high school I was best friends with 1 person, we had a couple other friends but we were really supposed to be BFFs as we’d been friends for 10 years! So graduation came and gone and she left for University over 2 years ago, I’ve seen her once since then.
We occasionally talk but it is always started and finished by myself. I need to pry for information and I don’t seem to know anything about her life – like she is moving in with an old friend of the both of us who she couldn’t stand before… never once mentioned it to me and I heard through someone else. She started a new job and again I heard through someone else…
She also comes to town frequently (just found out) and makes plans with whom she wants to see in advance, I have not once gotten a message/text in over a year about meeting up when she is in town. If I bring up how she was in town in a conversation she’ll ignore it. She once even met face first with my mother at the mall and wouldn’t even speak to her! My mother said she seen her looking at me walking out of a store and she then quickly darted into another store – we think she didn’t want me to spot her.
This all hurts but at the same time i know that friends drift apart and it isn’t necessarily always personal. I just don’t know if I should invite her or not, STD are going out next month and we are finalizing our small guest list, I really feel conflicted about this. Without her I would have no friends at the ceremony and it would only be family while FI will have a couple of friends. But at the same time she doesn’t even feel like my friend anymore.
My mothers opinion is to not invite her because she clearly doesn’t want to be friends with me and FI is kind of useless with this as he doesn’t understand how women think and sees this very simply. I just never thought that she would ever be excluded from my wedding guest list!
Post # 3
@JessicaJupiter: I wouldn’t bother inviting her. It’s clear that she thinks the relationship has run its course, its too bad she couldn’t be more mature about it. Open up that space for someone else or take the savings.
Edited to add: And I’m sorry you had to find out all of those things through third parties.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t invite her! She doesn’t seem interested in being your friend at this point.
Post # 5
@JessicaJupiter: Yikes. It seriously sucks when people “go cold” on you without explanation, but yeah, I echo PPs – do not bother inviting her.
Post # 6
Thanks everyone for the reassurance, I only have actually spoken to a couple of people about this who felt she was being really immature, but part of me wondered if I was perhaps overreacting by not wanting to invite her!
Post # 7
@JessicaJupiter: I had a similar guest list situation. This is how I decided:
If she was getting married and you didn’t get an invitation to her wedding would you be upset?
If yes you should invite her if no then don’t invite her.
I decided that if she was getting married I would be upset if I was not invited. So, I invited her. I’m glad I did.
(Just wanted to be clear that I am not saying you need to invite her. I’m just saying I can understand and this is how I decided 🙂 Hope it helps!)
Post # 8
If you’re only inviting your family, definitely don’t include her.
If you were also inviting your neighbours, co-workers, and other acquaintances it would be a different story…
Post # 9
@March1stBride: This is my dilemna right now… I feel like I will feel a bit upset that she 100% won’t be there but at the same time I think it is more that I just feel upset that we are no longer in a friendship as I wanted to be. It is really the apparent intentional snub at the mall left a very sour feeling in my mouth about her.
If I still am not 100% confident about whether or not to invite her then her STD will just end up going out later, she wouldn’t know because she is out of town and doesn’t speak to my family.
Post # 10
@JessicaJupiter: I totally understand. It’s a hard situation to be in. If you’re not ready to make up your mind on inviting her I don’t see any reason you have to send out the save the date to her right now, or even at all. You can skip her save the date in general and make the decision in a few months when you send out the invitations. It’s not a big deal. Besides in a few months you may have stronger feelings one way or the other. It’s better to do that than invite someone you don’t want to come.
Post # 11
I would not invite her. Sounds like there are other people that would better appreciate an invite.
Post # 12
I definitely wouldn’t invite her. The fact that she has seen your mom and doesn’t have the courtesy to say hello? Not cool.
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2013 - A court...
Don’t bother :/ It’s not like you guys were close but you still catch up from time to time, she doesn’t even bother. Heck, it seems like she tries to avoid you. This is you and your SOs special day & she doesn’t deserve to be there.
Post # 14
@JessicaJupiter: I would not invite her. She doesn’t seem like she has any interest in being your friend any longer. And you know what – she’s acting like a jerk so you shouldn’t even want to be her friend!
I understand how hard it is when friends drift apart. My (ex) best friend set me up with my FI and we are no longer friends – she is not even getting an invite to my wedding. At first, I really wanted to make amends, but I realized what she did was unforgiveable and my life is so much better (and drama free) without her in it.
She has also made NO effort to talk to me (I kind of just stopped talking to her and let us drift apart instead of confronting her about my issues with her) so that to me means she truly was not a friend in the first place.
Post # 15
@JessicaJupiter: This doesn’t sound like a dilemma to me. You aren’t friends. SHe has no interest in seeing you when she is in town, and has in fact tried to avoid you at the mall. DON’T INVITE HER. EASY.
Post # 16
I wouldn’t invite her, I don’t think you guys are friends anymore. It’s sad but it happens, we all grow and change.