Post # 1
Alright Bees, I need some advice.
I have this friend from college that has turned into a bit of a frienemy. She’s not very nice to me, very concieted, and over the years my group of friends only invites her to things out of obligation.
I was in her wedding two years ago and it was horrible. Talk about Bridezilla. First she demanded that we go to Vegas or a cruise for her bachelorette, when none of the bridesmaids suggested or could afford something so extravagant. Same for the bridal shower. Then she didn’t give me a plus one because I had only been dating my boyfriend for four months (and the cutoff she made up was six months). That boyfriend will now be my husband in September. She’s just not a very nice person and I don’t like her.
Since then I’ve seen her a handful of times when our group of friends has a big gathering. I was planning to invite her just to keep from offending her.
I try to keep it friendly, so when she texted me about wedding planning I showed her a pic of my dress. Her response was “I think i tried that dress on! yes, here’s a pic” and she sends me a picture of herself in my dress. Then she says it looks just like her dress and we have the same taste. At the end of the conversation she told me its a good think I ordered a size up. Maybe I’m being sensitive, but I didn’t like being accused of copying her or having the conversation turn to her in my wedding dress. Or any wedding dress at all for that matter.
So now I’m considering not inviting her. I will, however, be inviting two close friends from the circle we share from college. She will definitely be offended if she’s not invited, but I really don’t want her to be there. We’re not really friends anymore, we hardly talk, and she’s not nice to me. Anyone have advice for me??
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB
WOW!!! She seems outrageous.
I am inviting at least two people i don’t personally care for one bit.
I can’t get oit of inviting them. I consider their invites for GP only. Not inviting them will cause an issue within the family.
Post # 4
I think you’re being sensitive about the dress thing. And why share anything about your dress or wedding if you aren’t really that closeto her?
I don’t think you have to invite her but you should brace yourself for a complete ending of what remains of your friendship if you don’t, and whatever consequences that may have for your friend group.
Post # 5
I don’t get why you would share anything with her or invite her to your wedding. I know it will be busy and you won’t spend much time with her at the wedding, but she sounds like a pain in the a$$. Who keeps pics of themselves 2 years later, in dresses they tried on for their wedding? It doesn’t sound like she adds much/anything to your life currently, but annoyance.
Post # 6
If you aren’t really friends anymore, and you don’t really like her, don’t invite her. Will she be offended? Probably, but it doesn’t sound like she is adding anything to your life with her “friendship”.
Post # 7
@FutureMrsKyewski: Sounds like the two of you just aren’t connecting because I read it as she’s affirming you (good that you ordered up) and trying to connect (that you have similar tastes).
if you don’t want her there & your FI doesn’t want her there, why have her there? It’s your wedding. Do what you want.
Post # 8
@bitsybee: That’s a very good point. And through our history, I am constantly dealing with “did she mean to be as mean as she sounded?” Like a few years ago (when I was about thirty pounds heavier) she gave me some size 12 shorts and said “They’re too big on me now, but they’re so cute I thought you might like them.” Is that a dig? Or a thoughtful gesture?
I think she truly doesnt realize how selfish she is. So she says things and does things, like somehow make my wedding dress choice about her, that rub me the wrong way.
Yes, I think I’m ok with the consequences of not inviting her. Thank you all for the great advice!
Post # 9
Life’s too short of that “Frienemy” bullshit, right? Surround yourself with people who are you true friends and loved ones, especially at your wedding!
Post # 10
@FutureMrsKyewski: Good, I’m glad! I just don’t want you stressing out about a potential guest who doesn’t bring you joy and happiness on your wedding day, and it sounds like, hasn’t been in life for awhile.
It’s hard to say, like with the shorts example – she was size 12 at some point, so she said “They’re too big on me now, but they’re so cute I thought you might like them.” She might have meant, one day in the future, they’ll fit her again! Who knows? And if she meant to be thoughtful and you read it as selfish, that’s ok. And if she’s selfish, she’s selfish. You can’t change who she is!
Neither of you are wrong or need to change; you might not be meant to be friends in the long run.
You sound like a very caring person (thinking about inviting someone to keep from offending them!) but please don’t care to the expense of your own mental and emotional well-being.
Post # 11
I can imagine how you feel. I too have to invite a frenemy…but that’s only because she is still in my friends circle and I cannot get out of having her on the guest list. If it doesn’t ruin any other relationships, or cause tension with your current friends, I would advice you to not invite her. IF it will have an effect on other relationships then just bite the bullet and invite her.
Post # 12
I don’t think the dress conversation was underhanded. It would be kind of awkward not to invite her since you talked to her about the wedding though. I would invite her just to keep things easy. You’re going to see her places, I wouldn’t start a rift by not including her. There will be so many people at your wedding I don’t think you’ll even notice her.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Hell to the no- “She’s just not a very nice person and I don’t like her.” If it offends her and she never talks to you again, sounds like it would be good ridance!