Not inviting a frienemy to my wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

WOW!!! She seems outrageous.

 I am inviting at least two people i don’t personally care for one bit.

I can’t get oit of inviting them. I consider their invites for GP only. Not inviting them will cause an issue within the family.

Post # 4
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you’re being sensitive about the dress thing. And why share anything about your dress or wedding if you aren’t really that closeto her?

I don’t think you have to invite her but you should brace yourself for a complete ending of what remains of your friendship if you don’t, and whatever consequences that may have for your friend group.

Post # 5
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t get why you would share anything with her or invite her to your wedding.  I know it will be busy and you won’t spend much time with her at the wedding, but she sounds like a pain in the a$$. Who keeps pics of themselves 2 years later, in dresses they tried on for their wedding?  It doesn’t sound like she adds much/anything to your life currently, but annoyance.  

Post # 6
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If you aren’t really friends anymore, and you don’t really like her, don’t invite her.  Will she be offended?  Probably, but it doesn’t sound like she is adding anything to your life with her “friendship”.

Post # 7
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@FutureMrsKyewski:  Sounds like the two of you just aren’t connecting because I read it as she’s affirming you (good that you ordered up) and trying to connect (that you have similar tastes).

if you don’t want her there & your FI doesn’t want her there, why have her there? It’s your wedding. Do what you want. 

Post # 9
Member
3006 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Life’s too short of that “Frienemy” bullshit, right? Surround yourself with people who are you true friends and loved ones, especially at your wedding!

Post # 10
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@FutureMrsKyewski:  Good, I’m glad! I just don’t want you stressing out about a potential guest who doesn’t bring you joy and happiness on your wedding day, and it sounds like, hasn’t been in life for awhile. 

It’s hard to say, like with the shorts example – she was size 12 at some point, so she said “They’re too big on me now, but they’re so cute I thought you might like them.” She might have meant, one day in the future, they’ll fit her again! Who knows? And if she meant to be thoughtful and you read it as selfish, that’s ok. And if she’s selfish, she’s selfish. You can’t change who she is!

Neither of you are wrong or need to change; you might not be meant to be friends in the long run.  

You sound like a very caring person (thinking about inviting someone to keep from offending them!) but please don’t care to the expense of your own mental and emotional well-being.

Post # 11
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I can imagine how you feel. I too have to invite a frenemy…but that’s only because she is still in my friends circle and I cannot get out of having her on the guest list. If it doesn’t ruin any other relationships, or cause tension with your current friends, I would advice you to not invite her. IF it will have an effect on other relationships then just bite the bullet and invite her.

Post # 12
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t think the dress conversation was underhanded. It would be kind of awkward not to invite her since you talked to her about the wedding though. I would invite her just to keep things easy. You’re going to see her places, I wouldn’t start a rift by not including her. There will be so many people at your wedding I don’t think you’ll even notice her. 

Post # 13
Member
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Hell to the no- “She’s just not a very nice person and I don’t like her.” If it offends her and she never talks to you again, sounds like it would be good ridance!

 

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