Post # 1
Alright Bees, I need some advice.
I have this friend from college that has turned into a bit of a frienemy. She’s not very nice to me, very concieted, and over the years my group of friends only invites her to things out of obligation.
I was in her wedding two years ago and it was horrible. Talk about Bridezilla. First she demanded that we go to Vegas or a cruise for her bachelorette, when none of the bridesmaids suggested or could afford something so extravagant. Same for the bridal shower. Then she didn’t give me a plus one because I had only been dating my boyfriend for four months (and the cutoff she made up was six months). That boyfriend will now be my husband in September. She’s just not a very nice person and I don’t like her.
Since then I’ve seen her a handful of times when our group of friends has a big gathering. I was planning to invite her just to keep from offending her.
I try to keep it friendly, so when she texted me about wedding planning I showed her a pic of my dress. Her response was “I think i tried that dress on! yes, here’s a pic” and she sends me a picture of herself in my dress. Then she says it looks just like her dress and we have the same taste. At the end of the conversation she told me its a good think I ordered a size up. Maybe I’m being sensitive, but I didn’t like being accused of copying her or having the conversation turn to her in my wedding dress. Or any wedding dress at all for that matter.
So now I’m considering not inviting her. I will, however, be inviting two close friends from the circle we share from college. She will definitely be offended if she’s not invited, but I really don’t want her to be there. We’re not really friends anymore, we hardly talk, and she’s not nice to me. Anyone have advice for me??
Post # 3
@FutureMrsKyewski: Dont invite her. Shes not a friend and shes not a friend you want so not inviting her will take care of that.
If she calls you out then dont stress because SHE is the one being rude for doing so, just say “im sorry but we needed to keep the guestlist down to family and close friends”
Thats a real bitch move to say those things to you and not give a BM a date. Be strong- dont invite her.
Post # 4
@FutureMrsKyewski: Were you considering inviting her in the first place? I wouldn’t necessarily let something like this sway my opinion if I had already decided to invite her, but if it’s been on the fence all along, yeah, just don’t invite her. It doesn’t sound like you’ll miss her at all, so.
Post # 5
@MrsBuesleBee: +1 to everything you said.
Wost thing that can happen is that she gets mad and never speaks to you again. And is that really a bad thing?
Post # 7
@Kit_Kath: +1, I think her never talking to you would be a plus. I’d not invite her and wouldn’t think twice about it. Well maybe except to laugh of she tried to start trouble over it. Playing nice to a bully shouldn’t be something you have to deal with for your wedding, you’ll have so many other more important or meaningful things to be concerned with.
Post # 8
I most definitely wouldn’t invite her. You shouldn’t invite someone out of obligation, only because you want them there. It sounds to me like this friendship has run its course and I probably wouldn’t care if she got offended.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I wouldn’t invite her either… however, I think the conversation you cited really isn’t that bad, and you are blowing it out of proportion. If someone showed me a dress I tried on that I liked, that’s the first thing that would pop into my head, too.
Post # 10
@FutureMrsKyewski: She isn’t a family member that you will have to deal with regardless of your feelings about them. I don’t think you should have to invite her. This isn’t a girls night get together, its your wedding. Just having mutual friends does not mean an obligatory invitation. Maybe not inviting her will give her the hint and she’ll figure out that while you frequent the same circles, you are not on the same map.
Post # 11
I invited one of these, well, I sent her a STD so I have to invite her. I wish I hadn’t.
Post # 12
Why would you invite someone to your wedding who you don’t want to be there?
Post # 13
@FutureMrsKyewski: I have a frienemy kinda like this. Only she became my frienemy when we got engaged before she did. Then she scheduled her wedding for the week right after ours when she did get engaged. I was debating as to whether or not to invite her, but she sent me a save the date and FI felt that it would look petty if we didn’t invite her. So we did. She really pissed me off a few weeks ago, though..
Post # 14
I wouldn’t invite her if I were you. I don’t think you should invite people out of obligation, only if you actually want them there.
I don’t think it’s bad that your FI didn’t get a plus one to her wedding though if you’d only been dating for four months. People have to draw the line somewhere. Maybe I’m just a bit sensitive on this though because we only invited plus ones who were married, engaged or living with their SO and now you’ve got me worried that I may have offended people…
Post # 15
@FutureMrsKyewski: i wouldn’t invite her. if you feel uneasy about it, then simply don’t invite her. trust me, as time goes on, you will find that you needed that one seat for someone you forgot or didn’t expect to “have to” invite (family). not worth it.
i have 2 frienemies that i didn’t invite and i don’t regret it.
Post # 16
I also think you should not invite her. It’s easier said than done to just “do what you want” but in this situation, ew to her, not invited.
If she brings it up, I’d play the intimate wedding card.