Post # 1
Hi Bees! I think I know the answer to this, but I’m feeling a little guilty, so perhaps you can tell me whether I’m handling this right.
Background: There’s this girl that went to my highschool and we just acquaintences – I knew her, but never hung out with her or anything. Then I meet my now-FI and it turns out they go to the same youth group. . . our very first date was my high school homecoming dance and, in the typical shy high school manner, we went as “just friends.” This girl asks me if she can have a dance with him – of course, I say yes. Then she asks him out! He turned her down and she ran out crying, which really put a damper on our first date.
Even as we started dating, she still had a crush on him and made it clear, but was also really friendly to me. Time passed, we became serious, & she got married (she has 2 kids, as well). We met up with her and her husband once or twice for lunch, but have really lost touch (not that I’m upset).
The issue: Once our engagement went up on Facebook, she commented & asked for our date as soon as we set it so she could start making our gift. I just skipped over answering it. We already knew she wasn’t on our guest list.
Two days ago, she posted on my wall, again asking about our date so she can make a gift. I tried to be vague (around Labor Day).
I don’t want her there – we’re having about 100 guests – nor does Fiance. We were both invited to her wedding, but couldn’t make it. I’m just really uncomfortable with her putting all this time into a homemade gift and finding out she’s not invited.
Sorry for the book – Any advice?
Post # 3
I think you need to be honest with her and let her know straight up that she’s not invited. Message her in private so that it’s not on her wall and let her know that due to space limitations you’re not able to include everyone you want at the wedding, and unfortunately she will not be invited. You don’t have to get into high school drama, and a little white lie never hurt anyone. She’s obviously not getting the hint, so you need to tell her.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
Maybe she’s the type that like makes quilts or something for wedding gifts. For everyone. Lol. I would honestly say to her that you’re having a small guest list etc etc, but you’d love to get together for lunch and catch up sometime soon (probably wont happen). I just think you need to say something before she spends all that time making a gift, because if she does do that, you’ll feel even more guilty.
Post # 5
Many people send gifts even when they aren’t invited to a wedding. I wouldn’t treat this situation as her fishing for an invitation (even if that’s what you suspect is happening).
Post # 6
You shouldn’t lead her on with a vague answer. Just be honest that she is not invited. You can say something along the lines of: we’re having a small wedding around labor day with just family and close friends. And then if she still wants to make you a gift she can.
Post # 7
Just tell her that you’re keeping the guest list small, very close friends and family only. Phrase it like that, rather than “Sorry, you’re not invited.” And I agree with PPs, some people like to send a gift even if they aren’t invited.
Post # 8
So the consensus far is I should tell her -not wait for her to figure it out. How do you broach the subject?
Post # 9
Since she just wrote on your wall, I’d just message her and say “Hey, I saw your wall post about our wedding date. You are so sweet to want to make us a present, but…” Hopefully you don’t have to see her in person too much?