Post # 1
So we are planning to invite only 3 children to the wedding: the ringbearer from my family and the flower girl from my FI’s family and a special needs child of my close family friend.
We want to avoid inviting any other children, but I just attended Thanksgiving dinner at my FI’s family’s house, and socialized with the uninvited kids (triplets age 10, an 8 year old and a 15 year old). This is the first time I’ve met the kids and I genuinely like them; I’ll be seeing them again at Christmas, and probably not again until next Thanksgiving.
I’m starting to feel bad and want to invite them, but we need to cut costs everywhere we can. If you were in my shoes, would you still not invite them?
I’m specifically worried the parents will be offended that the flower girl will be in attendance.
Also, it’s a dry reception so I’m not sure I can justify it as an adults only event?
Post # 3
@fzesguer: You will get two different answere here
1) Children in the wedding party are usually excluded from the “no kids rule”
2) You either have to invite all or none.
Personally, I sent ALL children home after the ceremony, including the flower girls. We had alcohol though.
Are the children well-behaved? They do not seem all that young and will keep themselves entertained. Maybe your parents or FI’s parents can chip in to help with the costs?
Post # 4
I am doing the same as you: only kids in the wedding and kids with special needs. There would be way too many kids otherwise!
Post # 5
There could possibly be an age limit or perhaps only children of the immediate family invited and OOT guests (this is what we are doing).
Post # 6
I was wondering the same things…we don’t want kids invited either bc our gues list is huge withOUT them even on the list. We had already asked our ringbearer and flower girl before we decided this and i am now wishing we werent even having them but you cant really un-ask can you?
Post # 7
Thanks for the replies! To make things easier, I think we will invite the kids because they are very well-behaved, and there are only 5 of them. I simply can’t justify excluding them other than, “Uhhh, we’re looking to cut costs wherever we can?”
That’s that for FI’s half of the guest list, and I’ll still be firm on my side about no kids, because then there’d just be too many people than we can afford. At least I’m comfortable being frank with my family about the issue; I was just dreading having to deal with his family about no kids.
Post # 8
We did not invite any children to our wedding or reception. Nevertheless, some friends and family asked if they could bring children to the ceremony only. I read in Crane’s that an invitation is to the day’s festivities, not to just one portion of it. I decided to be flexible. Formally, the children were not invited to either portion, the ceremony or the reception. Out of deference to the freinds and family, all of whom travelled across country, I was happy to show some flexibility.
As for the all or none rule, I don’t believe it exists. You invite, by name, those who you wish to attend. If you have any guests who do not understand this subtle but important point, make sure you, or someone you trust, feels them out on how they plan to have the children cared for or watched while they are at the wedding.