- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I feel like I’ve always considered family important. I’m closest with my mom’s side of the family, where there’s almost no family drama and everyone loves each other – maybe sometimes someone will say something that anoys someone else, but by and large, it never turns too ugly. Everyone still talks to each other. That’s been my family “role model”.
But my fiance has a complicated and broken family. He was raised by his dad (his mother died when he was a baby), but his dad is generally a drug-addicted ******* who has been a negative force in his life. Every so often he would get drunk and get into a phone or text message argument with my fiance which would culminate in him saying he was going to disown him… but he’d never remember the next day. Anyway, my fiance and I have been dating for 3 years and living together for 2, but he didn’t want his dad to know – so I never met him, and he never told his dad we were dating. A couple of months before we got engaged, his dad found out from another family member, and the fight they had was so intense that he said they would never speak again and my fiance means to hold him to that.
So my fiance is utterly insistent that we not invite him to the wedding. I feel like it’s his call because it’s his dad, but it still feels weird. For me, even though I agree he’s not a good person and not someone we really want in our life, he’s still family and a wedding is in the end a family event, right? (I’m also worried that the rest of my fiance’s family might boycott the wedding and he would be sad if none of them show up).
Similarly, my dad and his sister (my aunt) have not spoken for years for what I think is a stupid reason. He’s insistent that she not be invited, but I feel weird because *I* don’t want to pick a fight with her and renew the family feud another generation. But he’s paying for the wedding, so maybe I don’t get a choice.
What do you all think? Is it okay to not invite close family, or should they be invited no matter what?