Post # 1
I’m fishing for some advice/support.
Fiance and I have decided on a smaller wedding (about 60 people.) This is both for financial reasons and because we are not that close to any of our cousins. We are inviting immediate family, aunts and uncles, and our close friends. I will be inviting one special needs cousin who CANNOT be without my aunt for more than several hours. She can behave herself, but needs my aunt for various reasons. My aunt is also widowed and will be the only aunt/ uncle without a SO, so for these reasons I don’t think it will be an issue.
I feel bad not being able to invite cousins, but if we did, them and their kids would number over 150 people! I also do not want young children at our wedding for the disturbance they might make (my special needs cousin is older and I KNOW my aunt would leave with her in the very unlikely event she would make a fuss.)
Overall I just feel guilt from not inviting cousins. However, I think I would sincerely regret inviting more people as the STRESS would multiply! For the record, there has really been no pressure from anyone to invite cousins- I feel grateful for that. As I’ve been invited to their weddings, I feel kind of bad.
If anyone can relate or give advice to not feel so guilty, I would appreciate it. Thanks- I always gain some perspective when I hear from other Bees!
Post # 3
The only thing similar I have is that I am inviting my family. And we both have a lot of cousins. All of the cousins are invited, but their dates are not as of yet invited (they will be if I get enough regret rsvps.) The only advice I have is what my mom suggested.
My fiance and I are paying for our wedding ourselves. My mom bought my dress and some alcohol for it, but mostly the large burdan is on our pocketbooks, not anyone elses. I was stressed by all of the +1’s that I felt guilty not inviting, and my mom suggested making people who handle things aware of the financial situation. If anyone expresses a big stink about not being able to bring a date, they can bring one if they’re willing to cover the cost of them up front. We don’t have to say anything in particular to anyone, because all of the RSVP stuff goes through my mother, but she has no problem saying “Hey wait a minute, theyre paying for this themselves and invited who they could. I’m sure that they’d love for you to bring your date if you can cover their costs.”
Some might say its a little tacky. But I have invited significant others and dates of people who are travelling from far away. But as for someones one or two months girl friend or boyfriend? I dont think so. If they want to spend the $$$ and invite them, by all means send me the check and they can come!
Maybe I’m cheap!
Post # 4
I feel bad too. But it is what it is. I actually invited 1 of my 50 cousins since we grew up together (only 1 year apart). The rest I’m not close to anyway. (plus spouses, current interest and/or kids)
Family and society put too much pressure on us. Your wedding should include the people you want. It’s up to you to decide, can we scale down the wedding because more people can come that I want there, or is it more about this is the wedding we want and can only afford this many people.
Post # 5
I invited all eight of my first cousins and their spouses (if applicable) and any of their minor/dependent/still-living-at-home children (only two of my cousins had children in this category, and both of those cousins are single parents.) I invited a total of 15 cousins, spouses and still-at-home children; however, only two married cousins came — both without their spouses, and one of the single-parent cousins came, along with his daughter. So, in all, only four people from that group of 15 attended.
Darling Husband has a very large immediate family (lots of brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews), and he had also been married before. As a result, he did not invite any of his first cousins.
Post # 6
dont feel bad – we arent inviting cousins either! My fiance has 18 aunts and uncles – so with spouses thats already 36 people!! If we invited all the cousins… im not sure the exact number but we’d have a LOT of people, they all have 2 or more children. we want a wedding of under 100, so they cant all be invited
At least people arent complaining about it! If i was having a big wedding id definitely invite them, but im too shy for it (i wanted less people, fi wanted more so 100 was our compromise!)
Post # 7
Thanks for the words of wisdom! I really appreciate everyone sharing their advice and experiences.
I was thinking again too, and for all of my cousins who invited me to their wedding, they are adults and made their own choices on who to invite, and we shall make our own choices.
Post # 8
I’m inviting cousins from my mom’s side of the family because we all grew up together and were close. I’m not inviting my cousins on my Daddy’s side because I haven’t even spoken to them in almost 20 years and we were never really that close. I don’t feel bad or guilty about it all.
Post # 9
Thanks! I can be kind of a worrier, and Fiance doesn’t have any problem with it. Like I said too, I haven’t even gotten crap from ANYONE for it, so it’s just me being paranoid. That’s awesome you have cousins you are close too! I think I’d want that for my kids too.