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As long as they aren't close I probably wouldn't invite them. If it was going to be a big deal to not invite them, I might just do the ceremony only.
i just wouldnt invite them *Unless* not inviting them causes drama with other people you are inviting.
Yes, it will cause drama if I don't invite them. I'm from the east coast and the wedding is in California, 1.5 hours from them. I'd like to invite them to only the ceremony, but not to the reception.
I think it would be a bad idea to invite them to the ceremony only. There's a chance that they would try to cause drama by following other guests and showing up at the reception. I would say either you need to treat them like all the other guests and invite them to both, or invite them to neither and decide that you don't care if you never see them again. But you can't really keep them half way in your life...
I put to invite them. Depends on how many evil people we're talking about, and more importantly, who will be upset if you don't invite them and how important the opinion of that person is to you, though. Inviting people to drive an hour and a half to a ceremony only is rude. Who knows, maybe they'll RSVP "no" and it will be fine!
I agree with other bees in saying inviting them to ceremony only would be a bad idea. If you are already worried someone will speak up at the wedding I would just avoid inviting them because they are already obviously going to be mad they aren't invited to the reception.
I wouldn't invite them, period. They aren't supportive of you or your relationship so they don't deserve the honor of an invitation. The fact that they are your relatives makes no difference if they are unwilling to support you. If someone else doesn't like it, too bad. It's not their decision to make.
Even for evil people, inviting only to the ceremony is poor etiquette. So, I would say either all or nothing (leaning toward nothing). If they ask why they didn't get an invite, just say it has come to your attention that they don't support your upcoming wedding and you didn't feel it was appropriate to invite them.
My father told me if I don't invite his side of the family, then he's not coming to my wedding. I'm actually OK with this. My father hasn't been the greatest growing up, only recently with my wedding approaching, probably to put on a show.
I'm leaning towards not inviting them.
I'm in the "all or nothing" boat. In this case, I wouldn't invite them. How crass of your father to give that sort of ultimatum. At this point if you're cool with it, move forward with not sending an invite at all.
yikes! Well, if you're really to the point that you don't mind if he doesn't show up, then I say call his bluff. Only you can judge whether what these people have done to you is bad enough to warrant cutting them out of your life, but if it is, then you need to do what's best for you and your FI.
I'd say don't invite them - your wedding day should be a joyous occasion, not one filled with drama and worry. Nobody controls their behavior but them, and they choose to act this way so they choose not to come.
Bella
I wouldn't invite them. It's your day and you don't want them to taint your wedding day memories. My sister got married last year and a family member whom she felt obligated to invite was going around to tables and trash talking her family. She still hasn't forgiven them. If you don't care about communicating with those family member anymore, focus on how their presence will make you feel.
I would lean towards not inviting them at all, it doesn't seem like it would be important to them to be there for you
I had a friend in a similar situation, but she ended up inviting them and everyone managed to stay on good behavior.
Depends on how evil they are. If they are utterly toxic and you don't care one bit if you never see them again, don't invite them. If you just can't stand them but would like to not be forever alienated from them, invite them to the ceremony only if you are comfortable saying, "I want to extend this invitation as a chance for us to draw closer." That will warn them that you all shouldn't kid yourselves about really liking eachother, but that you don't want to exclude them.
I agree. It sounds like these family members aren't very supportive of your relationship so why would you bother paying you and your fiance's hard earned money on them coming to your wedding? In addition because your wedding is so far away it wouldn't be a good idea to invite them to only the ceremony. Make it a stress free day for yourself and if they ask afterwards why they weren't invited tell them you had an intimate wedding ceremony for close relatives and friends.
All or nothing. And don't worry about causing drama. People will understand you don't want guests who aren't there to celebrate. Also, take out the part in the ceremony that says "Does anyone disagree with this union. Speak now or forever...". This is outdated and always results in an awkward few seconds where someone can't control their cough and everyone wonders if someone will say something. Ha ha. So if you do end up inviting them...they won't have an opportunity to object. Also, if you invite them to the ceremony, they WILL come to the reception.
How evil are they? If they've been really harsh-- verbally abusive-- then don't invite them at all. If they're rude people and don't know how to behave etiquette-wise, then don't invite them at all, but you may want to make your wedding REALLY small, so you have an excuse for excluding them. Just keep in mind that if you don't invite them, and it causes drama, you may have to deal with their evilness-- and other family members who empathize with them-- for MUCH LONGER than a day of wedding activities... unless you can disassociate from EVERYONE on that side of the family without any negative effects. It may never go away. If you think their behavior will be acceptable at the wedding, and they're just run-of-the-mill selfish stupid people, you might want to invite them to everything. So... is it too late to change the location to some place it would not be feasible for them to get to?
Good luck... I'm going to be dealing with this same type of issue pretty soon, as I get closer to having to make those decisions...
Hmm how would you just invite them to the ceremony and not the reception? would you tell them they are not allowed at the reception? it just seems like a lot of trouble to go through to tell that person "you cant come to the reception"...I say invite them for the whole thing or dont...Its really up to you..
im not inviting my dads side of the family they are evil too.... plus i cant afford over 200 people at my wedding... blessing in disguise i guess!
the first thought that came to my mind was---is there any merit to what they are saying about your fiance?
Aug8Bride - there's absolutely NO merit to what they are saying about my fiance. My auntie, who started the gossip, is single, 40 years old with an out of control teenage daughter. It seems she's trying to ruin my wedding because she couldn't find her own man (she has a horrible attitude). Her daughter actually cussed me out for something I did not do. Then my own grandmother yells at me for staying with a divorced in-law during a wedding planning trip (her son was in the wrong for a drinking and domestic abuse problem). I'm fed up. Maybe if only one incident happened, I'd be OK with inviting them, but there has been too many. I can't imagine what else will happen DURING my wedding.
My father says he won't come if I don't invite them, and I told him I'd honor his decision - especially if he's choosing "family" that hurts his daughter, over his own daughter...his own flesh and blood. He doesn't deserve to walk me down the aisle since he gave me that ultimatum... Who does that?
If my own brothers were mean to my daughter, I'd back her up, not take my brother's side - especially if it has happened numerous times. Doesn't make sense not too, unless it was a misunderstanding. Seems more like a pride issue and my dad not wanting to admit his family is crap. Oh, did I mention they also gossip about my mother??? My dad doesn't do ANYTHING To defend my mother, and she's the sweetest person in the world. She's even telling me to invite my dad's family despite everything they've done to her. I'm tired of it. I live on the east coast, they live in Cali, I don't ever want to see them again...
Well, it is a hard place that you are placing your dad. Yes, you are his flesh and blood, (I'm assuming the aunt is his sister and grandma is his mom), he's their flesh and blood too. But I agree with you in the sense that he should be defending your mom.
That behavior is totally uncalled for. How anyone can find that acceptable and turn a blind eye to it, and then turn around and say you are the lone protagonist while they are all innocent, is completely wrong and unacceptable. No one should ever have to put up with that. It's their loss that they can't be civil. I certainly wouldn't any of them.
If you feel comfortable not inviting them and don't think you would regret it... don't invite them. But I am in the all or nothing camp, as well.
I agree with PP's who say a ceremony invite only is a bad idea. If it's going to cause drama if you don't invite them - there would still be drama if you invited them only to the ceremony.
I say if you'd rather not have them there, then don't invite them at all. If the family rift it's going to cause is not worth the problems it's going to cause, then invite them... all or nothing.
Oh...what to do. Why are weddings so complicated... I envisioned all my family and friends there supporting me, but ever since I was engaged, some of them weren't even happy for me.
I would not invite them at all because i can for see only inviting them to the ceremony and not to party after a huge ordeal. They will probably been very pissed and something more could develop that day.
If you are seriously worried about these people causing drama, and they've been nothing but unkind to you, then do not invite them at all. I agree that if you just invite them to the ceremony, it will be just as drama-filled as if you didn't invite them at all. I recently dis-invited my brother, who was fine with this decision, because he would be nothing but a pain and cause issues the entire time. I am sad he won't be there, but I am actually calm now that I won't have to worry about him ruining my wedding because he's bored.
All or nothing... imagine looking over your guests after you and your FI say I do - are their faces there?
I'm a vote with the all or nothing gals. Any particular reason they're not happy with you at the moment?
Jealousy. My fiance is AMAZING. Since I was a child, they've always tried to pull me down. Since I've been engaged, there has been nothing but drama and saying untrue things behind my back, for no reason! They act like immature teenagers, not grown up adults.
I understand everyone has a right to their own opinion, but if they're not going to support my relationship with my fiance, then I don't want them at my wedding.
Honestly, it sounds like they don't support your union, so for that reason it is well within your rights to not invite them. You should surround yourself with friends and family that love you and wish you the best. Your father is a grown man and should know better than to issue ultimatums unless he's prepared to accept the consequences. It is poor ettiquette to invite guests to the wedding and not the reception, so don't stoop to their level of pettiness. If your instincts are that they will cause drama, then you are better off without them there. Good luck!!
If you're going to invite them, I think you should invite them to both the ceremony and reception. I think it would be rude to exclude them from one if they are invited to the other. That being said, if you don't want them there, not inviting them at all is always an option!
Don't invite them at all. If they really had doubts about your FI, they could have said something to you, once, with examples, and then shut up. As it is, if they really wanted to come to your wedding, they had only to do something easy - not talk smack about your relationship. How hard is it to not spread malicious gossip about your niece? I think you shouldn't reward them for bad behavior; you are just showing them that there are consequences to their actions. All that said, don't add to the drama yourself, just state your position clearly and calmly refuse to discuss it anymore. And I wouldn't be surprised if your father comes after all, he's probably just trying to force your hand. Invite him nicely, say he's welcome if he changes his mind, and make other plans to walk down the aisle.
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So I really don't want to invite certain family members to the wedding, especially when I found out they've been saying bad things about my fiance. Woke up with a solution! Only invite them to the CEREMONY, not the reception!!!! What do you think? I've been to a wedding where the reception was only for close family and friends. Not a big deal. However, I am worried that my family members might speak up when the priest asks if anyone opposes our marriage.
What do you think? Good idea?
AC