Post # 1
I do not have a relationship with my family. I’ve tried over the years but have stopped trying just because the relationship is damaging to me as a person and extremely negative.
Examples:<br />Hadn’t seen my mother for about 2 years, saw her for the first time and the first thing she says is “Oh you look fat”. My mother also tells my nieces that they’re stupid and that she doesn’t like them (but she’s “kidding” so she doesn’t see it as wrong). I also attempted to hug my mother once and she wouldn’t hug me back. If I ever did speak to her on the phone she’d talk for a bit and then hang up on me. <br /><br />My sister decided she didn’t want to talk to me anymore because I was honest in a personal conversation with her about her husbands family (which perhaps I should’ve kept to myself). So when we all went out for dinner several months ago she ignored me completely. Please keep in mind that she also disowned her own son because he decided to go to college and pay rent to his gf’s family who bought a house near the school (because supposedly her family is “using” him)
When my sister got married several years ago, at the last minute (the morning of) my dad decided he didn’t want to walk her down the aisle so my brother had to. <br /><br />I also have a lot of really close gay friends that are coming to the wedding and my parents would not be cool with that. I’d invite my brother but he know lives in another province and cannot make it to the wedding.<br /><br />So do you think I should invite them anyways? It’s a very small wedding and I really just want it to be a celebration. We aren’t very traditional and we just want everyone to be happy and have fun and celebrate with us. I don’t think I will regret it because I don’t have a relationship with them but does anyone have experience with not inviting family and then regretting it?
Post # 2
When I married my second husband I didn’t invite my younger brother and mother – they both live on the other side of the world, and I knew they couldn’t afford to travel. And I particularly didn’t want my mother there…especially as she made it very obvious that she expected myself and then FI to pay for her to come!
Due to my mother’s nagging I did invite my older brother, who frankly I don’t really like and have next to zero relationship with…and hugely regretted it, as he actually bought his dog along! Left it in the car during the ceremony, and then left before the reception started, using it as an excuse…he managed to embrass me in front of all my inlaws…
When he got married about 18 months later, it was on a Sunday – which I then worked, and couldn’t get the time off- it was also in the middle of nowhere and would have costed a fortune to attend. I have no regrets about not going.
When FI and I eventually get married none of my family will be invited.
Post # 3
It’s your day… if your gut instinct is not to invite them, then don’t!
My parents are divorced and my siblings and i were brought up by my father. Even before they split up though, I always had a very toxic relationship with my mother and I haven’t really spoken to her in over 15 years now (except for exchanging general pleasantries whenever our paths have crossed at extended family events). My younger siblings are not particularly close to her either but they do still see her from time to time, I, however, have no relationship with my mother whatsoever so I certainly won’t be inviting her to my wedding (she remarried about 10 years ago and I wasn’t invited to hers either)
Even though everyone knows we don’t speak, I think some family members are still surprised she won’t be there…a few have the attitude of ‘she’s your mother so you have to invite her no matter what’. Errrr, no!
Post # 4
My siblings will not be invited to our wedding. None of us has a close relationship with each other, and it seems false to invite them, and it would make me uncomfortable.
Invite the people you feel close to, and omit the others. It is your wedding, and you should feel comfortable and enjoy the day.
Post # 5
fidgette: First off, I’m sorry you’re in this possition. I had to visit a counsellor before my wedding for this very conundrum. My parents had also been very negative in the past and caused me a lot of stress. Because of this dynamic, I usually avoid talking to them/spending too much time with them, however it’s never gotten to the point where I’d say I have no relationship with them.
The counsellor’s advice was to think about where I’d like my relationship with my parents to lead in the future. If I wanted to grow closer to them, then I should probably invite them as not inviting them would lead us further apart. However if I wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with them, then it would probably be best not to invite them.
I understand wanting to avoid negativity – I was worried about them saying something to me on the day that would bring me down. My parents ended up coming to my wedding and the whole day they were bawling, sweet and proud as punch. So I really don’t regret inviting them.
However, if I knew they would be negative or in any way stand-offish or plain mean, I would not have invited them and would not have regretted it.
I hope you work out what’s best for you, good luck.