Not inviting family to your wedding..any regrets?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

When I married my second husband I didn’t invite my younger brother and mother – they both live on the other side of the world, and I knew they couldn’t afford to travel.   And I particularly didn’t want my mother there…especially as she made it very obvious that she expected myself and then FI to pay for her to come!

Due to my mother’s nagging I did invite my older brother, who frankly I don’t really like and have next to zero relationship with…and hugely regretted it, as he actually bought his dog along!  Left it in the car during the ceremony, and then left before the reception started, using it as an excuse…he managed to embrass me in front of all my inlaws…

When he got married about 18 months later, it was on a Sunday – which I then worked, and couldn’t get the time off- it was also in the middle of nowhere and would have costed a fortune to attend.  I have no regrets about not going. 

When FI and I eventually get married none of my family will be invited.  

Post # 3
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

It’s your day… if your gut instinct is not to invite them, then don’t!

My parents are divorced and my siblings and i were brought up by my father. Even before they split up though, I always had a very toxic relationship with my mother and I haven’t really spoken to her in over 15 years now (except for exchanging general pleasantries whenever our paths have crossed at extended family events). My younger siblings are not particularly close to her either but they do still see her from time to time,  I, however, have no relationship with my mother whatsoever so I certainly won’t be inviting her to my wedding (she remarried about 10 years ago and I wasn’t invited to hers either)

Even though everyone knows we don’t speak, I think some family members are still surprised she won’t be there…a few have the attitude of ‘she’s your mother so you have to invite her no matter what’. Errrr, no!

Post # 4
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

My siblings will not be invited to our wedding. None of us has a close relationship with each other, and it seems false to invite them, and it would make me uncomfortable.

Invite the people you feel close to, and omit the others. It is your wedding, and you should feel comfortable and enjoy the day.

Post # 5
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

fidgette: First off, I’m sorry you’re in this possition. I had to visit a counsellor before my wedding for this very conundrum. My parents had also been very negative in the past and caused me a lot of stress. Because of this dynamic, I usually avoid talking to them/spending too much time with them, however it’s never gotten to the point where I’d say I have no relationship with them.

The counsellor’s advice was to think about where I’d like my relationship with my parents to lead in the future. If I wanted to grow closer to them, then I should probably invite them as not inviting them would lead us further apart. However if I wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with them, then it would probably be best not to invite them.

I understand wanting to avoid negativity – I was worried about them saying something to me on the day that would bring me down. My parents ended up coming to my wedding and the whole day they were bawling, sweet and proud as punch. So I really don’t regret inviting them.

However, if I knew they would be negative or in any way stand-offish or plain mean, I would not have invited them and would not have regretted it.

I hope you work out what’s best for you, good luck.

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