Post # 1
Hello Bee’s… Where do I begin… as the title states me and my FI are not inviting my future MIL to the wedding. She is such an awful person. She and my future FIL are no longer together because she cheated on him. She lied to the entire family about it and and now, 3 years later, she still will not admit to it.
My FI was married before. His ex-wife cheated on him for several months and lied to him about the whole thing. (See a pattern here!!). Now my future MIL and the ex are best friends. My future MIL even had the nerve to move the ex-wife and the guy she cheated on my FI with in to her house!!!!!!!!! We havent talked to her in months (for obvious reasons!!!) and really don’t plan on it. Unfortunately, you can’t choose family… I feel like just because she is family doesn’t mean that we need to have her at our wedding. She has lied and said bad things about us to the entire family too.
I need some feedback girls! What are your thoughts? Are we over-reacting? Should we just drop it all, forgive her and have her back in our lives? We plan on having kids very soon after we get married. I’d like for my children to know their grandmother but I don’t want her lying to my kids too!
Post # 3
Some family members are toxic. She would be one of them. Keep things the way they are!
FFIL is toxic, but FI keeps forgiving him for all the shit he does ugh one day!! he will be out of our lives
Post # 4
I would say no. Based on that history I would not want her anywhere close to future children. Who knows what she tells them when you’re not around… I would just drop her, she provided food for your FI when he grew up – great, send her a thank you card and disconnect.
Post # 5
Agree with the PP’s. Just because she gave birth to him does not mean he (or you) owe her your time, or friendship. She made her bed.
Toxic people like this don’t have any place in your life, of the lives of your future children. As @eocenia: said, she could continue to spew lies to them as they grow up.
Post # 7
I agree with @kjo: some people are toxic. You need to do what is best for your FI and yourself. If I were you, I would cut all ties and never look back. She doesn’t sound like the kind of person you need in your lives.
Post # 8
I totally agree with you guys. She is just awful. My FI is the greatest man I’ve ever been blessed to love and he doesn’t deserve all the crap these people are putting him through. I think it’ll be a much happier day without her being apart of it. I hate that it has to be this way but like @jessmicas said, she has made this bed. Maybe one day she will come to her senses and realize this is her only child and she should cherish him like any normal mother should!
Post # 9
RUN AWAY. I’m not inviting my MIL or my BIL. They are no longer in our lives and we are all the happier for it. You don’t need toxic people like that.
Post # 10
I am not inviting my mother to my wedding for way too many reasons than I’d like to get into. I love her, but she’s toxic. Sometimes being family is not enough, OP. You guys need to do what is right for you on your wedding day.
Post # 11
Like PPs have said, she’s toxic. I don’t want any toxic people at our wedding either, and some parents don’t really deserve to be recognized.
My FI hasn’t talked to his parents in over a year and doesn’t plan to. They are extremely toxic and we aren’t inviting them. I get where you’re coming from. Sometimes I feel guilty for not doing it and question if we’re making the right decision, but then I remember just how toxic they are and even more than that – that we aren’t the only couple going through this. It helps.
I wouldn’t invite her if I were you. She might throw a fit, but you don’t need to explain yourselves. I’m sure she knows why, its just a matter of whether or not she wants to acknowledge it and try to fix it or not.
Post # 12
Also – FI’s sister has three kids and felt guilty about cutting them out of her lives. “My kids need their grandparents”, she would say.
And then she got over her own guilt and realized that her kids didn’t NEED to have grandparents… at least not these ones! And that these grandparents were more harmful to her kids than anything else. Its tough, but you need to protect your future children from people like this (lest they end up with the same patterns that your FI and his father have…)
Post # 13
I posted this a while ago so I kind of forgot about it…lol. I’m glad more people have posted on this subject as were still having a hard time deciding whether or not to invite her. I’ve decided to leave it up to my FI. I really dont want her there and he doesn’t either so I guess it’s pretty much a done decision. It is so reassuring knowing that we aren’t the only one’s going through this. Our wedding is such a happy time that her being there would make me think about all the awful things she’s done to this beautiful person I am about to spend the rest of my life with. It really is a shame we even have to make this decision but hopefully one day she will come to her senses and will want to straighten up and have a relationship with us… until then we’re still cutting ties and living our lives with only people that love us and that we can trust…
Post # 14
What does your FH want? I’d respect his wishes either way, although I would not want her there