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I fully support your decision, and think you are doing the only thing you can to respect your mother's wishes. Hopefully your dad will understand that.
I don't think you should say anything to your dad because you already explained it to him. If it comes up again, re-explain your position & let him know that you really don't have a choice in the matter. If you have to, remind him of the terrible way this aunt treated your mom and say that your mother's comfort & happiness is more important to you than including this aunt, to whom you aren't close at all.
@Ms Bookworm: Thanks! I need to just be firm on my position. I just hate conflict!
Thanks again for your input!!
I did this with a cousin. Drama there too, he's a greedy jerk to put it nicely. My Dad wasnt in favor of it (cousins father is my godfather n dads brother). But I just put out the invites and no one has said anything to me or my family. It's your wedding, dont and can't worry about what others may think of it, its your and your FI's day. Invite who you want :)
I dont think your mom shouldvd told you that (cant blame her though) but you should invite who YOU want and if that doesnt include crazy aunt then so be it!
Your father should know that if it comes down to choosing between your aunt or your mother, you're obviously going to choose your mother... even if he would choose differently. I would just leave things as is. He'll remember why she wasn't invited.
@Sn2bMrs.B: That's good to know! That's what I was most worried about, drama after the invites go out. I am just going to keep my mouth shut and hope that everyone else does too. Thanks for your advice!
@BonbonBunny: EXACTLY right? I mean I'm her only daughter, I don't want her to feel uncomfortable and awkward my entire wedding day!
@Mr.Smithsgirl: I'm not sure how literal she was being, I think it was her way of telling me just how uncomfortable she would be with crazy aunt being there!
ummm can we not invite my FI's crazy aunts and take your crazy aunt and let them have one big crazy party together? Because I am at that point today.
Good for you... I wish I didn't have to invite my crazy uncle. Boo to crazy relatives.
You've told your dad, he had a chance to make more of a case than just getting defensive. If he brings it up again be prepared to calmly reassert your position. like PP have said.
Good luck.
In my fam they refer to me as the crazy aunt, but for very very different reasons! lol! you did the right thing. I agree with someone else here. Your dad knows exactly why you aren't inviting her and that's all you need to say if it comes up. Because it is your own wedding, i don't think you owe anyone further explaination at this point. In my fam my crazy aunts are the cool ones. ( But yeah not ca ray zy like you say!)
I'm experiencing something similar. My father's sister is THE drama queen. I'm not even kidding, standing in line at the grocery store, she will tell the nearest stranger all about how her daughter got molested by her pedophile ex-husband. My mom hates her, and I really don't care to have her at my wedding because the last thing I want is for my new in-laws to hear about molestations and boils on her labia. She and I have never really gotten along. I didn't want to invite her to the wedding, and chose to have a DW to avoid her and her daughter's presence (among others) because I knew her financial situation would not permit a hotel stay.
At my birthday party, my dad told me I had to include his sister, whether I liked it or not. Also, I will have to include her daughter and her boyfriend. I was floored because my dad hasn't forked over a dime to help pay for this wedding. As it stands right now, my mom, FI, and I are the only ones paying for it. We should be the ones who decide on the guest list, then. Right? Ugh! My dad said he's going to pay for my aunt's transportation and accomodations for the wedding, too.
@Pinksapphire: I would stand up to him and say no. Honestly, even though my dad did get a little pissed when I told him he didn't straight up tell me I had to invite her. AND if he had done that I would have said no, too bad. And my dad IS paying for half the wedding. My mom's feelings are more important than my crazy aunt's though and my dad can get over it. Good luck!!
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OK, so I have a lot of family drama, too much to include in this one post but I'll try to explain.
Basically, one of my dad's sisters is ca-ra-zy. She was a big reason for my mom and dad getting divorced actually because she'd treat my mom like crap. They got in a big blow-up fight a few years ago and she called my mom the C word among other things. Suffice to say my mom hates her.
So now we're getting married and I'm not inviting her or her family. I am inviting the rest of my dad's siblings (to my dismay as I don't really know/life any of them) but not her. I am inviting A LOT of people on my mom's side of the family as I've always been closer to them anyways.
I brought it up with my dad once back in March after we first got engaged and he got defensive about it. But we haven't brought it up since. The save the dates have gone out and I'm getting ready to send out the invitations soon. Should I bring it up to my dad again to gently *remind* him that she's not getting an invite or should I just send out the invitations and let what happens, happen? The rest of his siblings will be getting invitations so I'm sure she'll figure it out pretty quickly she's not invited. Can't imagine why she'd be surprised though.
PS: Inviting her is non-negotiable. My mom basically said she wouldn't come if the crazy aunt was there, and honestly we are having a small-ish wedding (under 100 guests) I do not want to deal with that awkwardness/drama etc. on my wedding day.