Post # 1
Just thought I’d ask some advice about something I just cannot get my head around.
The thing is that my mother and I don’t like each other. No, we really don’t. I left when I was 14 years old and all attempts to reconcile since then have failed. I’m now almost 43.We still exchange addresses and telephone numbers when one of us moves but it is done by email and there is no other conversation other than the actual address and/or phone number.
I have accepted this and know that it’s for the best. Why then do I feel so guilty not inviting her to my wedding? I certainly don’t want her there and her presence would likely ruin my day. Somehow, I just feel like a dead beat for excluding her. A part of me feels sorry for her because she has no other children or partner, like I am denying her a rite of passage in seeing her daughter be married. However, she and I have never been close and nor do we want to be now.
I suppose I am just asking a rhetorical question but it would be nice to hear other people’s points of view.
Post # 3
we have a similar situation with my partners father. we have invited him though but he will not come we are very sure of this.
we have tried so many times throughout the years to amend things.
its kinda stupid that you think you should just because they are blood. At the end of the day it takes more than this to be family.
If you invited her would she actually come???
Post # 4
@nikstar: That’s what I am wondering.
Post # 5
I’m not sure to be honest. She may accept, just out of a sense of obligation which is the only reason I would invite her. Sounds silly doesn’t it. I would be horrified if I sent her an inviation, relying in her rejection and then she turn up.
Post # 6
@Shannyn5: i agree dont invite her if you think she would come and you really dont want her to. Dont feel bad either, you will be surrounded by many people who love you and want the best for you, your real family, the ones who have been there for you, the ones who you have propper conversations with.
If it really concerns you, you have over a year, you could try one more time, i by no means think you should do this if you dont want to and be prepared for the heartbreak when it goes exactly how you expected. I have been through it many times with my partner and his dad, we have tried everything, some people are incapable of change, i did not believe that was true until now.
Post # 7
why don’t you send her a letter updating her on your life– tell her you’re engaged and living wherever, etc etc. see if she replies. if she does, maybe you can open up enough calm conversation that you’d feel comfortable inviting her to your wedding. if she doesn’t reply, then she’s obviously not interested and maybe you wouldn’t feel as guilty?
or you could not invite her but mail her a few photos?