Post # 1
Hi, i’m a newbie (& newbee, har har) and a little intimidated by the web etiquette, but felt compelled to write a post. I joined the hive because of the amazing women who are on here–supportive, positive, responsive and overall fabulous. But I couldn’t shake a bad feeling after reading the recent emotional minefield over the Say Yes to the Dress post. I forget if someone said it or if it was just subtext, but lately I’ve been hearing a lot of “why do X (insert DIY project, or money spent, or other time/effort), it’s only one day.” But for my family, my finace and me, it’s more than just one day. It’s months and months of planning. It’s years of remembering. It’s bringing together the people we love to declare our love. Like it or not, but the wedding mold is so engrained (and deviated from) that any choice about your nuptuals says a lot about who you are and where you are at. A movie is not just 60 minutes, it’s a year of bringing together producers, writers, actors, editors, etc. to make something bigger than any individual. Just as the marriage is bigger than each spouse individually, I think the wedding is bigger than just the four hour window you’ve booked the venue. Have any of you guys felt compelled to justify your choices? Who wants to stand tall for spending six hours bent over a glittery mess or surfing etsy for the “perfect” bridesmaid necklace? Maybe sometimes we get crazy, but we also over-guilt from self-doubt. Let’s have some bride-pride ladies! We’re nuts because we’re in love!
Post # 3
“because were nuts and in love” yes!!
Post # 4
I think the consensus on the dress thread was “to each her own”, and same thing applies here, in my opinion. To me, it’s only one day. Yes, it’s the only wedding day I’ll ever have, and I spend hours planning all the details. But only because I enjoy browsing online and DIYing and talking to vendors, not because it makes a difference in my life. I’m not nuts because I’m in love. Being in love makes me want to be with my fiance, to love him and be a better person for him. It does not make me want to plan the perfect wedding, and I never lose perspective of the fact that no matter how amazing or horrible that day, it won’t matter in the long run.
Our parents had simple weddings and happy marriages, so they know that splurging on a wedding is unnecessary. Some families apparently don’t feel this way and want to spend their money on $50,000 “perfect” weddings. I am not going to judge this, but I might ask questions about it to understand their thought process.
Post # 5
I was trying to move the discussion away from the hairtrigger issue of price per se to show that we all put a lot of thought and care into our ‘day.’ Was not implying that my parents’ simple wedding wasn’t lovely or that I have lost sight of the meaning in my relationship or that I will break down if a centerpiece is out of place because it has to be “perfect.”
Post # 6
Valid point. I think it is just anti-bridezilla-ism that makes those comments come up. IMO you need to find balance. Yes, it is a VERY VERY important day… but not as important as a marriage. If I let myself think “it’s ok bc its my wedding” for everything I’d end up losing my job to planning and drowning in debt post-wedding! “It’s only a day” is how a lot of brides (like myself) make it okay that I can’t afford a 10K dress (or really, a 1K dress), and that I don’t have the time to do everything I’d like to do. I don’t think they mean anything bad by it 🙂
Post # 7
I agree with Corgi, it’s very much about striking a balance. Yes, it’s my wedding day and I’ll remember it forever but what’s more important to me is that I’m starting out on a new and exciting adventure of marriage with the man whom I love. But yes, at the same time I’m putting in a year of planning for a perfect day so of course I want it to be perfect.
But then life is all about striking a perfect balance between all the different variables in your life, work, play, family, etc. And everyone is allowed to think about their wedding day however they want it 🙂 Does this mean I’d like some recognition about the fact I spent 3 months tracking down the perfect wedding dress and then 5 for the perfect shoes? Yes, I would, but I also understand if another bride would look at me askance and think I was nuts.
Post # 8
@alice: I haven’t looked at the Say Yes… post (and I’m not sure I want to!) but I’m just going to say cheers to you and that I agree with what you’re saying 🙂 Welcome to WB!