Post # 1
I just read another post and am in a similar situaton, from the bride’s perspective. My FI and I have agreed to have a small, intimate wedding, with family and friends who we’ve both met or will be likely to spend time with in the future. (Meaning, no, he hasn’t met all my cousins, but chances are he will, and I’m excited about the family reunion aspect of the wedding. Seems like we only all get together for funerals.)
For friends and cousins who are in relationships, they’re welcome to bring dates. We’ve met or heard stories about the SO’s and we want this to be a good time for all. We’re still talking about having about 20 people, maybe 30 if we get a good turnout from the out of towners.
The problem? His sister. She wants to bring a date. She doesn’t know who yet, and the wedding is in 10 weeks. I am addressinginvitations and FI mentioned I should put "and guest" on hers — I told him I’d put her date’s name, which is how I found out she just doesn’t want to come alone. I don’t understand this, because it’s not like we’re having dacing or a big party where she’d need someone to keep her company. She will be with her family and friends. Why bring a stranger into this? Will that person be comfortable?
This makes me really upset because I feel like I have to be reasonable and let her because she’s my FSIL and I don’t want to burn any bridges. I feel like I keep making the wedding bigger and bigger … originally I just wanted something small for just us, but FI wants to share with friends and family, and I’m okay with that, but not strangers. I’ve been working on writing the wedding ceremony and I feel like parts of it won’t apply if "some dude" is in attendance. It’s just one person, I know, and one day versus the rest of my life.
How can I develop a positive attitude about this?
Post # 3
I am in a similar situation and what I want is to give everyone a stern talking to. But the truth is, she is your FSIL and you FI probably doesnt see the big picture. Is this one guest worth you going to bat over or are you concerned about a snowball effect with everyone bringing +1s?
Post # 4
Having been the sister who didn’t get to bring a date, I was disappointed. My sister’s wedding would have been so much more fun if I was able to bring my then brand-new boyfriend (who I had not been dating when invites went out, but whom I’ll be marrying in July). I understand that its a little more frustrating since she doesn’t even seem to have someone in mind, but you are letting other add +1s, and there will be people there who you both don’t know.
For the sake of family harmony, I’d add the guest, and make her happy. You won’t have to see whomever she brings very much, but you will have to hear about how you woudln’t let her invite a date.
Post # 5
If she were a cousin I would no way-but being the sister of the groom I think you should just let her bring a guest…she might not even ending up bringing one, but if you don’t give her the option you’ll never hear the end of it.
Post # 6
I love your positive attitude already in trying to get a more positive attitude on this! I would also let her bring her date. Even with a small gathering of people, it is not going to be nearly as big a deal as you think it will be. My cousin-in-law brought an unannounced date to our small wedding, and you know what? I was mad about it when I heard about it, but at the wedding itself I didn’t even notice! You are going to be so busy and having so much fun that you are not going to even care who she is talking with. And now said cousin is marrying the guy this summer, so you never know how it’ll turn out….
I guess my point is that when the day actually comes, your FSIL’s date will be the last thing on your mind. Part of getting married is joining a new family, and your fiance has a sister who doesn’t like to go to weddings alone. Let her take care of whomever she brings; you don’t need to worry about making him feel comfortable beyond being friendly and inviting him in the first place. Trust your FSIL to take care of herself and her new date. So he’s not just "some dude," he’s part of your new FSIL. Having someone there is going to make her happy, which will increase the happiness quotient of your wedding :).
If it wasn’t his sister I would be inclined to say to tell her no, she can’t bring anyone, but as his sister I think she get special priveleges. My sister brough her best friend as her date somewhat unexpectedly, and she ended up getting us our favorite wedding present! Good luck 🙂
Post # 7
I can definitely sympathize. I cringe a little each time the wedding gets bigger, one person at a time. Plus, planning a wedding is so stressful, so you are entitled to feel aggravated, overwhelmed, etc.
Without knowing your FSIL, it’s impossible to say why she’s acting this way… but it might be that she feels bad about not having a someone when her brother has found someone so special. Depending on her age, I know it can be tough when family/friends keep asking when you’ll be getting married next. Kinda like rubbing salt on a wound. Maybe she’s insisting on bringing someone to soften the blow. Either way, I would keep the peace. I know it helps me to focus on finally escaping the cruel world of dating! 🙂
Post # 8
I have been going through this myself with my sister recently. (Refer to Sister dynamics… invite her posse?) although my wedding is not nearly as close as your wedding is, I would let your fiance make the call. It’s his sister, you don’t want to become the ‘enemy’ who prevented her from having another guest.
I honestly think some siblings who have not yet planned a wedding, seriously don’t understand how having a guest(s) can be somewhat of a burden on overall costs. It is inconvenient especially when they want to bring a guest just for the sake of bringing a guest or date. I feel in my case, my sister just wants her own entertainment there should she gets bored, or irritated with immediate family so she can have an escape (meaning, go off with her friends). But this is something your fiance should really discuss with his own sister. It’s an imbedded issue of dynamics you may not be aware about yourself, you know?
I am sure it will work out- whether she bring a date or not bring a date. =o)
Post # 9
I agree with everyone who says to let your FSIL invite someone. You don’t want to start off on a bad foot with the family. It’s one guy you won’t even notice on your wedding day because you will be surrounded by tons of friends and family. As for breaking your own rule about "and guest," most guests understand you can break the rule for immediate family. So let your FSIL bring a date. You have more important things to think about as your wedding gets closer.