(Closed) Not living together AFTER the wedding or take a year off?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Would YOU take the year off?
    Yes : (66 votes)
    64 %
    No way : (37 votes)
    36 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2313 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Personally, I would look at my GPA/test scores, etc. to see what percentage I’m in and make a decision based on that. If they are going to have to force people out, they will likely start with the people who just barely made it in and are in the bottom grouping as far as test scores and GPA’s go. That only makes sense for them since they’re going to want to have the best class possible for their own stats. If you are in a high percentage group where you think you have little possibility of getting cut, it might be worth it to hang in there and go to the school you want to go to when you want to start. If you have a feeling you kind of barely skated in and have a good chance of getting cut based on your GPA/test scores, take the money and run. It’s better than nothing. Maybe then you can at least move to his town and find a job and start next year at your school. I know it’s probably not the best solution but it’s a tough spot and I don’t know if there’s any great answer to give. πŸ™

    Post # 4
    Member
    5655 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I’ve had alot of things that I had planned just not work out….. just like this seems for you.

    Great thing though, is so many times there was something else more important or better that I needed to be open for…. kinda like you and your hubby really becoming that unified one

    I know this example is not nearly as big as what you’re in but here’s a real simple example…

    My FI has been trying to get in to get his haircut for a couple weeks now (our wedding is nearing in & its time) He was supposed to be scheduled for this Friday…

    BUT…. 2 days ago the stylist called and had to cancel. grrrrrrrrrrrr

    Again BUT…. Yesterday we got an email from our local paper for an interview about the pre-marital counseling were doing…… for FRIDAY!

    Now…. we were pretty erked about the cancellation but had we had that appt we would not be available for this other AWESOME opportunity.

    I personally would take the year off…

    What if something totally awesome happened, you got so great financial “help” you weren’t expecting, and you got accepted in your hubby’s school next semester or next year….

    ^ That would be AWESOME!!!… I’d really take the time… get your place settled in your new family and then hit it strong when the time comes! πŸ˜‰

    Post # 5
    Member
    2385 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Ouch that’s a hard situation. I wanted to comment on the prospect of living apart after marriage. I will  say that a 2 hour difference will be hard, but not insurmountable. It’s a lot more common in my field (academia) for married couples (especially junior faculty) to live apart for a while. It’s a lot more common than I ever realized. If you think you can handle it, it may not be the end of the world. 

    But, if it’s not what you want to do; it’s not what you want to do and it’s just not right for you. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1506 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I’m sorry you’re going through this! That’s such a weird situation! Personally I wouldn’t live apart from my husband during our first year as newlyweds. Would you be willing or able to transfer to another closer school? It doesn’t sound like the school you’re going to currently is all that organized. This might be a good excuse to go somewhere else.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4137 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    i would try to negotiate and get them to increase the offer. @ohheavenlyday:‘s suggestion is also a good one.

    if you go to different schools, would it be possible to live halfway in between? a 1.5 hour commute would be a major pain, but it’s doable. what’s your plan for when he does a residency?

    Post # 9
    Member
    5655 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2011

    That is right… and even aside from “marriage being a compromise” we sometimes need that slap in the face get over yourself reminder anyways… I know I do πŸ˜‰

    I’d really just breath, take a step back, and look at all the opportunity that could come out of this “set-back”

    and like you said…. You can/will always redirect later to get back on your path πŸ˜‰

    I think if you were to embrace it you could absolutely LOVE it!

    This time means that as your hubby gets in the higher stress end of his education you can be there for him in a way that you could never be pursuing yours (at this moment) & as strong, independant, & goal driven us girls may be…

    there’s something awesome that happens in us when we step aside ourselves and help someone we love accomplish or get closer to accomplish what’s in their heart!

    *Oh I’m excited about that possibilty for you!*

    Post # 11
    Member
    494 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I would probably just stay in the program without deferring. You worked really hard to get into it and pushing it back a year is just another year longer until you finish.  I’m an impatient person though :).  Besides, since you both will be so busy (especially you in your first year of med school), the time will pass by quickly.  My husband and I did a 2 year LDR when I moved to start my PhD program and he stayed to finish his – it flew by.  Now that we’re married, we’re in the middle of another LDR because he accepted a job 8 hours away.  It’s difficult but he’s getting a ton of work done and so am I, so it’s actually worked out well.  It sucks you guys are already doing one, but like MissHobbit said, as professionals the LDR is bound to happen at some point…

    Post # 12
    Member
    1077 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Have you talked to someone in admissions.  I know that there are AMCAS rules and such for reapplications, but sometimes you can get visiting student status or transfer for personal reasons.  I know it would be highly unusual to have a 1st year visitor…that sort of thing is usually for rotations…but if you talk to the right honcho, or better yet, get a fellowship and spend next year doing research in her lab, you might be able to have a string or two pulled.

    My former PI’s FI was in med school on the opposite coast, and he was able to help her get permission to do the last half of her “4th” year (she was MD/PhD) at our school.  I’m sure it helped that she was a stud with a great track record already and he was a prof. 

    Re: it taking an extra year…Don’t sweat it.  It will be gone before you know it.  One of my greatest regrets is plowing through undergrad in 3 years b/c I was worried about how old I’d be when med school and residency concluded.  Then I decided to withdraw from med school go to grad school and watched all of the med school folks my year graduate, finish residencies, and move into practice before I finished my thing.  LOL.  There was so no need to rush at the beginning!

    Post # 13
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I dont understand how they can force people to defer without compensation when this is their mistake. That doesnt sound right to me. I wouldnt defer. I would just sit tight

    Post # 15
    Member
    5894 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I have to 100% agree with @runsyellowlites: I think it’s a great opportunity to take a little breather and get some life experience. Get a job doing something low stress, but still in your field and enjoy yourself.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2103 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I would probably defer. Although the money’s not that much (in terms of what you said tuition is), even working a temp or office job, you’d be able to save up a bit of money, as well. Plus, you get your guaranteed residency locations. I know people who are doing their residencies in the middle of nowhere (which could be cool, depending on the person) since they didn’t have much of a choice. You know that you and FI (then Hubby) will be in the same cities. AND! What if you end up getting forced to defer…with no bonus! That sucks. I say do it and get the cash.

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