I made a new account to post this under because I don’t want it linked to my regular account here! Now that we’ve picked a venue and a date (yay!!), I’m starting to give my bridal party a little more thought. FI knows who he wants and that will be his best friend as his best man and he wants to make his 3 brothers his groomsmen. I have my only sister as my MOH. That’s as far as I’ve gotten. We have just under two years until the wedding, so I’m thankful that I don’t have to choose for a little while longer, but it’s frustrating for numerous reasons, and I don’t know what to do. And apparently, I MUST have matching numbers (3 bridesmaids to meet his 3 groomsmen). I personally could care less about matching numbers, but both FI and my dad have told me we “need” to have matching numbers. Fine, whatever. I’ll deal I suppose.
So here’s why I’m frustrated. My girlfriends constantly talk about my wedding, which I think is so sweet that they’re so interested. I have two girls in mind that I’ve felt for the past 5 years should be my bridesmaids when the occasion came up. We’ve worked together over that time, stayed friends, take trips together, we’re just really close friends. I haven’t had friends this close since the start of high school. We’ll call the girls Michelle and Sarah. Sarah had been previously engaged, but she called it off. After calling off the engagement, she moved in with Michelle, who has been single for a long time. After a year of living together, Sarah started dating a guy and Michelle wasn’t thrilled about it. I think she wanted the two of them to be single and live together and have fun. Well then it turns out Sarah is pregnant. I’m ECSTATIC for her! She had a high risk pregnancy and it’s fantastic she was able to conceive in the first place. Michelle is less than thrilled. This is when their relationship turned for the worst.
Michelle stopped speaking to Sarah, Sarah was half living with her boyfriend. I should also point out these are not younger girls. One is 30 and one is 27, both adults and able to make their own decisions about their lives. Ultimately, Sarah moves out from Michelle’s house and moves in with her boyfriend. This all happened just over a year ago. They still do not speak. Sarah has reached out to Michelle numerous times and Michelle has rejected every attempt to reconnect with her. They had been close friends even before the three of us were friends, and it makes me (and Sarah) sad that Michelle doesn’t want to be a part of Sarah’s child’s life.
Also a little background to be fair to Michelle. Michelle has ALWAYS wanted children. She’s wanted kids before she was 30. Now that she’s 30, she’s been having a really hard time about the situation. And to make matters worse, she recently had surgery that lead to her losing one ovary completely and only has 20% of her other ovary left. She’s now in menopause 🙁 Luckily she was able to save some ovarian tissue, so it is possible for her to have biological children, which she intends to do.
So ultimately, I have no a clue what to do about my bridal party situation. I cannot imagine two other perfect ladies to stand up for me. Michelle is the epitome of 27 dresses. She has been a bridesmaid a million times, but she also LOVES planning weddings. Like, a little overbearing planning weddings. So my cautious side tells me I’ll be battling against her to do what I want for my wedding. At the same time, she’s already made comments such as she’d love to sit and make my invitations with me if I want to do DIY invitations. I know she’ll be there for me, and I know she’d be there for me if I didn’t choose her as a bridesmaid. But how could I have someone so involved in my wedding and not choose her as a bridesmaid? That literally happened to Michelle last year with a close friends of ours. Michelle did more for the bride and her wedding than any of the wedding party and I was so mad the bride didn’t make Michelle a bridesmaid. Sarah on the other hand is my emotional support. I click so well with her and we totally get each other moreso than Michelle and me. I’m closer to her than my own sister. I LOVE these two girls. But I feel like to ask them to be my bridesmaids is to ask to be thrown in the center of drama, which truly, I avoid at all costs. But I absolutely could not choose one and not the other. It’s an all or nothing situation.
The third bridesmaid or possible other bridesmaids in place of Michelle and Sarah would be a cousin of mine I’ve grown up with but I’m not super close to. I’m a big family person, so I don’t mind her in the wedding at all, and I feel like she’s a safe bet. THEN *sigh*, there’s the best man’s girlfriend. They’ve been together nearly 3 years and I’ve known her the whole time. She’s SUCH a sweet girl (we’ll call her Sam). She asks about the wedding here and there, she’s not dramatic at all. She’s simply just a good friend. But we usually do things as couples (FI and me, her and the best man). We have done things just the two of us, but we really are usually doing things as couples. I’ve gotten closer to her over these past years, but I feel like if her and the best man ever stopped dating, I don’t know that Sam and I would remain close friends, ya know? AND THEN, I could just scrap the idea of friends all together, keep my cousin as a bridesmaid, and use a mix of FIs sister and/or his nieces (there’s three of them that will be 8, 11, and 13 at the time of the wedding).
For brides who have been in the same position, any advice? I’d be happy with just my sister as my MOH, but my FI and Dad REALLY want matching numbers, so I’m fine with trying to make it work for them.