- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
This is a bit of a whining session, but oh well, I need something cathartic to do.
So, after battling off a lot of insecurity, I’m finally excited that my SO would like to get engaged. And I admit right now that I had been daydreaming about it a lot, heck, here I am on this site. But recently I’d been better about avoiding talking to him about the subject of “when.” He’d said it would be some time this summer and I was happy with that proximity. This may seem shameful but I’m actually proud to admit I’ve gone about month without even cracking a joke about it.
Then yesterday happens. He is graduating from college tomorrow and my graduation present to him was a new outfit for it. May not seem like an exciting present but he’d been worried about having nothing to wear. We shopped together and I treated for the experience and I was having a great time. I’d just met his grandparents for the first time a few hours earlier and they had really liked me and we all hit it off. I was driving back to his house to drop him off to spend more time with them when he says, “You’re such a good girlfriend, but it’s going to be weird not being able to say that anymore. I’ll have to say that you’re such a good fiance.”
It was nice to hear. The guy saying it, what a change. Then… I made the mistake of making a joke, “Oooo, can I have a letter from the month it’s gonna happen?” Like, I’m literally driving, listening to music and I’m not serious at all. I’ve confessed a lot worse to the bees so I’d be like, “I was a psycho about it,” but I wasn’t. Which is why what happened next really irked me.
Stoney silence. I said, “Everything okay?” He replies with this terse and harsh, “You’re going to ruin this for us. I want to do it my way. I want to surprise you when I’m ready to. That is what is right to me. And here you are just wanting to know the hour it’s going to happen.” The tone was caustic, especially for him. He’s the definition of laid back.
Fine if I’m being too sensitive. Fine. I just feel like after after that good day he didn’t need to get butt-hurt over something so silly. And once more, it just seemed mean for the sake of it. I mean, I was so PROUD of the fact I’d gone so long without even a peep about it to him. After I got home I just felt like… This waiting game isn’t worth it half the time. I appreciate the women who just ask themselves. But the good thing is it sort of purged me of my desire to plan/pinterest/daydream.
Now I get to go to his graduation tomorrow even though I’d rather pass. I’m his girlfriend. Not his fiance. Not yet. Why am I sitting through this four-hour thing with his family again? I know that just sounds unsupportive, and even I recognize it’s sour grapes, but I’d always planned to go to the graduation party. Ugh. I guess I’m just in a bad mood.
Whining finished. I feel like the waiting game brings out the worst in us sometimes.