Not my wedding anymore…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Who is paying for the wedding?  I have to confess, I didn’t really read the whole thing because of its format.  

Post # 4
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Frankly, I think you and FI need to have a heart to heart. Not so much a “whose side are you on?” type conversation, but an honest “this is what we talked about before because of this this and this…what is it about that and that is making you like it more than our original plan?” 

He may genuinely like the plan his parents came up with, or he’s being pushed around. Either way, I think if he can tell you specifics about what he likes about the “bad” wedding scenario, it may help in your compromising. If he and his parents are not willing to budge at all…then postponing it may be an option. 

The wedding day is for BOTH of you. It’s to signify a new chapter for you BOTH, so if you BOTH cannot come to a compromise, then I think that shows a lack in communication that is very necessary for a successful marriage – which is why I would lean toward postponing if you can’t come to a compromise.

Post # 5
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I had a hard time “letting go” of my ideal wedding. My FI wanted a bigger wedding, and I did not. The more we planned, the more I wanted to elope. It was horrible.

Eventually I calmed down and understood that it was his wedding too. He made some compromises for me (i.e. we won’t get married in a church, but he wanted one) and I’ve become more comfortable making compromises for him (we’re having a big wedding!). At the end of the day, all that I really want is for him to be happy, especially because he had much stronger opinions and feelings about what a wedding should be.

We actually threw in the towel on wedding planning for a few months because it got so frustrating and we were fighting over stupid things. Once we talked it over more, we were able to reach a more even footing and haven’t had any problems since.

 

But if this is spinning out of control, and everyone has a hand in your wedding day but you, I would have a serious talk with my FI. A calm, open minded discussion about what both of you want and think a wedding should be, and also what a marriage should be! It may provide some valuable insight.

If you find that you can’t have that talk, or that he is unwilling, or that you can’t keep yourself calm, then I’d suggest postponing/cancelling the wedding. Put your foot down. No one can force you to get married, and you shouldn’t be trapped in a whirlwind of other people’s wedding ideals.

If you don’t want to postpone, then I recommend you stop threatening you’ll cancel it and become more assertive or go with the flow.

But my suggestion to you is that you at least put a hold on everything – especially because I feel that you blame for FI for some of these things. Because how could you get married when you’re unhappy?

Post # 6
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@simplethings85:  Halfway through this massive paragraph I think the answer is: ELOPE.

Post # 7
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have threatened to call off the wedding during every argument we’ve had at this point. I seriously want to cancel it, or at least postpone it. I don’t want this wedding anymore.


I wouldn’t threaten this anymore unless you’re going to follow through with it, first of all. Second, if your FI is taking his parents side over yours how are you going to deal with this when you have kids? House? Pets? Anything? Third, you guys need to sit down and compromise. Can you tell your FI “Look they can invite 25 guests if they pay for them so I can still have a smaller wedding?”

If you can’t even sit down and have a conversation with your soon to be hubby about this, your lines of communication with each other are going to be closed for all other issues and it will be a long road ahead. Communication is the key to a health and happy marriage.

 

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