Post # 1
Now, I KNOW I can’t be the only one in this boat, because I have seen many a bee reference not having been engaged prior to beginning their wedding planning (not to mention all the bees who are not engaged but are very obviously all here) but how many of you are actually REALLY planning a wedding without a ring? My SO and I have been together about a year and a half, and we’ve always been pretty serious about one another. He is in the military and before he was depolyed in August we had an serious family crisis and he has told me he didn’t propose before leaving because of that situation. He did however, ask me to begin planning the wedding while he was gone. We had talked about weddings for a while before he left and he knew I needed at least a year to plan, so he said I should just start planning while he was gone; that if waiting until he proposed meant we wouldn’t probably be married for another two years (because of the length of his deployment-8 months) that I should just start planning now. He knows my parents can’t afford the wedding we would want (and I don’t have money so that means HE would pay for it) but he said “I want to give you the wedding of your dreams”–that’s a direct quote :). I didn’t take him seriously at first because I didn’t want to be considered a crazy. But then we talked about it, he told me again he didn’t want to wait that long to get married, and he was completely on board. He is a very serious man, and until myself he had never taken a girl home to met his parents (He’s 28! in the mliitary! how many 28 yr old military guys are not married?!). Plus, he is SUPER frugal, and basically hoards all his money (like lives well below his means) and invests it, so when he offered to put down the $6250 to reserve the reception venue I KNEW he was super super serious. HE put money down to book a venue, and he has been extremely involved in the process. Granted, $6250 isn’t much when you look at how much money he makes and what he has in savings, but to him every dollar counts, so its a big deal that he OFFERED to pay the deposit. We’ve set a date, and booked the ceremony and reception venues, but I’m waiting for him to come home–he’s coming home early!–to plan the rest so he can be involved even though he has already been pretty involved. I’m excited, because even though it isn’t the traditional way of doing things, the ring is a formality at this point, and it will come when he comes home.
I know there are other bees out there in the same situation, and I want to hear your stories! We are not crazy we’re just…proactive 🙂
Post # 3
We were the same way! We had our venue and photographer booked before the ring, lol. In fact, my mom even had our engagement party invites ordered because we were only going to be home for like two weeks, and FI had promised her he would propose before then, haha.
FMIL said she and FFIL did the same thing back in the 80s, so it can’t be that crazy! 🙂
Post # 4
No were not crazy. 🙂 My SO and i have frequently talked about what kind of wedding we want. Now we really want to get married at my parents barn once we fix it up so hopefully i wont really have to worry about reserving a venue which is a big money saver. But I love to plan ahead so I wont be nearly as stressed when the actually planning gets closer. 🙂
Post # 5
Yep. The date is set. We already checked out one venue – didn’t like it or the wedding coordinator. While I was making dinner tonight he left voicemails at our #2 and #3 venues to meet with them next week.
We have a timeline, a budget, quite a bit decided, but not purchased. We had a looong look at wedding websites the other night, but we hate all the premade templates. So he’s going to check with a friend about making one for us.
You aren’t alone. I know my ring is coming (we’ve done a lot of ring shopping) but all I know is its before our trip to see his family next May.
Post # 6
I feel more relieved in knowing that I have a general idea of what I want my wedding to look like. I dont like waiting til the last minute on things so its gives me relief and less stress if its all planned out in advance. Not necessarily anything booked but just ideas for now until i can discuss them with my family once were officially engaged.
Post # 7
yup, me too. already started but it’s not official. but soon!
Post # 8
@Southern_Belle: I didn’t officially book anything ahead of time, but when my fiance bought my ring (I knew because I helped choose) and asked my parents’ permission I did think a lot about what exactly I wanted. By the time it happened I had a very good idea of what I wanted. It made the planning easier.
Post # 9
My FI asked for my parents permission over a month before he finally bought the ring, and I started planning then. I even had to tell a bunch of family members that I was getting engaged, because my Dad was so excited that he couldn’t keep it to himself. It was kind of awkward and embarassing to be calling my grandparents and aunt before there was even a ring on my finger, and of course none of them could keep the secret so my whole family knew before FI proposed, talk about pressure, lol.
Anyway, we had the date set, church booked, venue booked (and deposit paid) and had meetings set up with the photographer, caterer and DJ before I had a ring on my finger. I don’t think it’s that crazy, because FI and I knew we wanted a June wedding, and we didn’t have time to wait! If I’d planned that stuff without FI’s blessing then it would be crazy, lol.
Post # 10
FI and I had a date before we were “officially” engaged
Post # 11
FI and I are in a long distant relationship. Long story incredible short, both 28 years old, friends for awhile, met hit it off immediatly. Went through some hard times (majorly attacked by my family) within the first month of dating. (It was a family issue that had nothing to do with us, but we got the brunt of it). This brought us closer & quickly. We haven’t been dating that long, but we figure why wait.
I wasn’t gonna look or plan till he told me. Well he asked me one day, “What is stopping you?” after making sure he was for reals, I started planning! LOL We have a date pick out and since he an only child (can’t keep secrets) I know he proposing when I go to see him this Thanksgiving! From starting to dating to wedding day, 7 months! (We were friends before this, but long distants friends. Plus he been my cousin-in-law’s best friend from childhood, we were set up.) It’s crazy I know, but the last couple months have been tornado of craziness that only brought this on faster!
Well that my story! LOL Yes, I’m planning a wedding, before I’m engaged and it gonna be a short engagement!!!! (Oh my!!!)
🙂 Jacqui (Soon to be engaged)
Post # 12
@Southern_Belle: We did that too. We had been talking about getting married and it was actually my FI’s idea to start looking at venues. We had the venue picked out before the engagement. LOL I had also been talking to different DJ’s, Photographers, ect researching and trying to find out prices. We didn’t actually book anything until we got engaged though, about 6 months later. I think planning then and now just helps get that list checked off and helps take the stress off 🙂
Post # 13
Yes, hello! I haven’t proposed yet, but the planning is happening. I want to get as much of the basic ideas figured out before the proposal, so that we can work togethe to fine tune it, instead of scrambing and being confused with a deadline.
Post # 14
You aren’t crazy at all. You don’t need a ring to be engaged, officially. All you need is to agree to be married. Congrats!
Post # 15
Nope you not crazy at all, my SO and I did the same thing. We had our venue, flowers, photographer, and my dresses picked out before I received my ring. I loved it that way because places in NYC book fast so that was the best way to do things for us. BTW, I’m such a conventional bride!
Post # 16
@Southern_Belle: I consider us “unofficially engaged” since being engaged just means you have an agreement to marry each other, not that you have a ring. But we don’t want people harrassing us about when the wedding will be, so we won’t announce it/buy a ring until we’re ready to have a wedding in a year or less. (This plan was reinforced when I stupidly asked my cousin about her venue and she got CRAZY excited and basically started planning my wedding.)
But we’ve found the venue (but not booked because, again, we’re more than a year out and it’s not a popular place), decided on a theme, picked our bridal party (but haven’t officially asked them) and even started planning a menu with my caterer/cousin. Yeah… we’re very lucky to have 3 professional chefs & one professional baker in my family along with two officiants, a phenominal DJ and many many musicians. We’re also very lucky that everyone really loves us together & really wants to have a wedding (several funerals in the past 2 years + 4 cousins eloping has made everyone wedding-crazed). So, really, my family is planning way more than we are! Meanwhile, his family just wants me to get knocked up 😛