Not paying for rehersal dinner??

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would invite your families, people who will be decorating, and any out of towners you’d like to see. 

Post # 5
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you should only invite those you can afford to host – if that’s parents and bridal party, then so be it.  No one, except the bridal party should expect an invitation to the rehearsal dinner.

ETA – I guess it was kind of unclear if you could afford to host the bridal party.  If not, maybe you could bring in some pizza or something into the venue while setting up instead of the traditional rehearsal dinner?  

Post # 6
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think thats fine.  Everyone is going to understand, and as long as people realize it in advance, I don’t see there being any issues.  And like you said, its their choice if they choose to go or not.  The only thing I would think about it trying to make sure there aren’t too many people, since thats when things tend to get more complicated. (just a thought). Good luck!

Post # 8
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MeadowsBee:  We didn’t do a rehearsal dinner.  We did do hors deurves at a bar.  We paid for the appetizers; drinks were on the individuals.

Post # 9
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Could you pay for dinner for your bridal party and then invite out of town guests to join you for drinks at the restaurant bar afterwards?  That way you can avoid how to word things and the etiquette issue.  Then it’s more like a get together and won’t be misconstrued as a hosted dinner party.

For our rehearsal, we’re just inviting the people who actually need to rehearse – parents and bridal party.  It’s going to be really casual.  We’re ordering sandwiches and sides from my favorite local deli and setting out the food trays in our suite, which has a huge living room and is right next to where we’ll be rehearsing. 

Post # 10
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Only do what you can afford–if it’s pizza, awesome! If you can only afford the bridal party, that’s fine, too.

But I wouldn’t invite people out to dinner if you don’t plan to pay for them. I would mention that you guys and the bridal party will be eating at ____________ for dinner the night before, and anybody who wants to is welcome to join you. Something like “Oh! Tomorrow after decorating, (People X, Y, and Z) and I are going to _________ for dinner. If you feel like going, we’d love to see you there!”

Post # 13
2818 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

For a rehearsal dinner, I wouldn’t mind paying for my own meal. Especially if I wasn’t in the bridal party and was pretty much just coming to “hang out.” In a strange city, I’d be paying for my own dinner anyway. If I were in the bridal party, I might be a tad peeved if it were mandatory and I still had to pay (because if I lived locally, I’d likely just skip it if I could). Can you buy your bridal party a drink or something?

Post # 15
42082 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MeadowsBee:  You’ve ruled out opinions or advice from many Bees, as you have said upfront that you don’t want opinions from people who think telling the wedding party to buy their own dinner is the wrong thing to do.

Post # 16
6959 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you’re going to make everyone pay for themselves I just wouldn’t call it a rehearsal dinner.

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