Post # 1
So I have a little problem. One of my friends is getting married next year – it’s a Destination Wedding. I looked at the resort and flight prices and it looks like even if I went for 3 nights I’m looking at somewhere between 1200-1400 per person. This is definitely not in mine and hubbys budget. That’s close to 3k for flights/hotel and doesnt even include the wedding gift, the bridal shower gift or the bachelorette party?
Long story short – this girl stood up to my wedding – so I will feel really guilty if I dont go? What do I do?
Also – I hate to say it – but hubby and I wanted to go on a 3 week long Europe trip next year (we’ve been starting to plan it) – obviously it’s going to cost a lot of money so I guess when I say that attending this wedding is not in my budget, it’s not that we can’t afford to go – it’s just that we were planning on using the 3K and then some to cover the cost for our Europe trip.
It’s not in our budget to do both – destination wedding and Europe trip. After our trip we wanted to try to get pregnant… it’s supposed to be the “big” trip before we have babies.
When she finds out that I’m not going.. and then finds out that we are going to Europe for 3 weeks she’ll probably hate me. What should I do?
Post # 3
Talk to her. Tell her that you’ve already planned a vacation and that attending her destination wedding is not in your budget.
Post # 4
@Bwed2012: …I sincerely wish the Destination Wedding trend would die a slow and horrible death, because what is really feels like, is Vacation Hijacking….I understand that for a lot of brides, it’s their dream to be spirited away and married in some exotic locale…but for people with limited funds and time off…the prospect of even trying to make it work is like letting your best friend dictate your trip for you….
When a bride plans a DW, she accepts all the snares and foils therein, which means a lot of her guests will not attend, a lot of her family won’t be able to either and she’s going to get flack about not holding her event closer to home…..
I get that she was in your wedding, but you didn’t usurp her vacation and upwards of $3,000 to do that, did you?
Don’t worry about it, let her know you tried to make it work, it won’t and ask her what kind of gift she wants from the Continent
Post # 5
I would explain the situation to her. I think anyone with half a brain will realize that a destination wedding isn’t for everyone. You have every right to decline the invitation… even if she stood up in your wedding. Did she travel to your wedding? If she did then I’d say it makes the situation even more awkward, but even so… it’s your money and you should choose to spend it how you see fit.
I would decline pretty much any destination wedding (unless it was my sister or best friend). We plan our trips like a year in advance and budget accordingly. There is no way in hell I would let someone’s wedding dictate my life plans in such a large way.
Get her a nice gift, offer to help with wedding planning in any way you can. It’s ok if she’s a little miffed, but if you lose the friendship over this then trust me… she is not a friend worth keeping.
Post # 6
@Bwed2012: Where is she planning to get married??
Post # 7
@Bwed2012: One of my closest friends lives in Vancouver, and promised me up and down she would be at my wedding in Toronto. Fast forward to a couple months before the wedding, and she told me that she couldn’t afford it, but posted on Facebook that she was planning on going to Montreal the weekend after my wedding instead.
My feelings were really hurt, and I posted about it on the Bee. Almost everyone told me that it’s her money, and unless I wanted to pay her way, I should get over it (I did). I think that applies here, as well – it’s your money, and your decision.
Destination weddings are tricky because a lot of times, brides and grooms plan them in places where people otherwise wouldn’t really want to travel. I think you need to be perfectly honest with her. If she’s going to hold a grudge against you over your decision, that’s on her, not you.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Your reasons sound more than reasonable as to why you won’t be able to attend. Make sure you make it clear that you had already started to plan your European vacation when you talk to her. If she is a friend, she will be understanding. People expect “no”s when planning a destination wedding.
Post # 9
She stood up to my wedding but did not have to travel for it. This is the first destination wedding that I have been invited to – luckily enough all of the weddings I’ve gone too have been in state and only one was out of state (my sisters, so that’s why I went to that one). Can I maybe just get her a nicer gift? considering the fact that she stood up to mine and I most likely will not be there? I don’t see myself going to any future destination weddings either – it’s like one of you mentioned, way to plan my vacation for me…and sabotage it.
Post # 10
@Bwed2012: You need to be upfront and honest with her. I love the idea of destination weddings, but with the economy where it’s at most people just can’t afford to attend them. I know if someone invited DH and I to one, there’s no way in heck we would be able to go! And it winds up in a scenario like what you are in. It’s not fair to anyone, but the best thing to do is tell your friend you just can’t afford it because you already have another vacation planned for later that you need to save for.
If she’s really your friend, she’ll understand.
Post # 11
@peachacid: the wedding is in Riviera Maya – Mexico – in April.
Post # 12
I agree that it’s your money and you should be able to spend it the way you want to. I also think that because she’s having a DW, she should understand that not everyone will be able to come.
On the other hand, if she is one of your best friends, you might regret not going. And maybe I am the only one who feels this way, but I would rather spend my money attending a good friend’s wedding than going on a vacation with my FI. And I would never have a DW, but I could understand why she might be hurt if you don’t come.
Post # 13
maybe look at staying off the resort? that could cut the cost by a ton if its an all inclusive. if that doesn’t work, i agree with PP to talk to her about it. also, you don’t have to tell her about a trip you are planning way in advance, just that its not in the budget.
DH and I are looking at a 2wk/3wk Europe trip in 2014 as well, the costs just keep adding up! I am hoping none of our friends decide on a DW, because we will be in the same boat!
(P.S. I’d love to hear about the trip you’re planning, swap ideas or itineraries some time!)
Post # 15
I’d just tell her you’re so sorry but you’ve already had a vacation planned and you can’t make it work. That’s kind of the risk you run with having a DW.
The only alternative I see would be to go alone for a short trip to cut costs.
Post # 16
@Bwed2012: I went through this (as the bride) on a smaller scale. I had family that lived about 4 hours away and even though other parts of the family had offered to help them out (making sure they had a place to sleep at my mother’s house so they wouldn’t have to get a hotel) they still declined to come to the wedding because of finances.
The next weekend they are posting on facebook about their awesome trip to somewhere a few states away from where they live. The trip was for their 2nd son’s 10th birthday.
At first I was a little miffed that they didn’t tell anyone that they were turning down the wedding to go on the trip for their son. But that was the only reason I was miffed.
TLDR: Personal plans and vacations take priority in this situation. Just tell her why you’re not coming instead of leaving it at “We don’t have the money right now.”