(Closed) Not really sure why I’m annoyed…

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Could you sit down and have an honest (but polite) conversation with her about if she still wants to be in the wedding or not?  I know it would suck if she had to drop out as a BM, but that might be a relief to her and to you, because then you don’t have to worry about her doing it last minute.  Maybe just ask her gently if she’d like to come as just a guest because she’ll have a baby on her plate.  Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Have you talked to her about it?  Ask her how she feels about traveling with a newborn.  If she thinks she can pull it off, then great!  If she feels like she needs to bow out, then so be it.  I’d leave it up to her and be flexible enough to know you might be -1 BM come the day off.  Are you paying for the girls dresses, etc?  If not, then all you’d really be out is on bouquet – and maybe you could work something out with your florist where you give her the exact count closer to the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Gosh. 🙁 Your poor friend. I dunno, if I had a surprise pregnancy with a guy I’d only been dating for 1 month, I probably would have been too bummed to tell anyone for awhile, too. There’s nothing wrong really with that “selfish” gut reaction of “but what about me and my wedding and what I want?” I’ve had it too about silly things that inconvenience me, but it’s important to be supportive of your friend. Your plan for one day may be disrupted, but honestly, her whole life plan has been thrown off by an unexpected pregnancy and she has a lot to adjust to.

I don’t mean to preach and I know this was just a frustrated, momentary vent. I’m sure you will be a good friend and as supportive as possible as she’s dealing with all this change. Good luck. I really hope she’s able to come to your wedding.

Post # 7
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

Just talk to her about it.  One of my BMs gave birth 2 months ago.  We’ve been friends since we were like, 8, and she had told me she didn’t want to miss my wedding for anything in the world.  I made sure to set a date that didn’t coincide with her giving birth.  I also asked her if she would prefer to be a reader instead of BM (if she wanted to avoid the hassle of dress shopping with a newborn, etc) and she said she absolutely wanted to be a bridesmaid.  She is traveling half-way across the country with a 2-year-old and a newborn to stand up on my wedding day.  So you never know, but certainly talk to her and hear what she has to say!!!

Post # 8
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Well, sometimes new parents-to-be underestimate the amount of effort & time a newborn requires. So even if she tells you now that she wants to be involved, really expect nothing from her once the baby is born. Why can’t the baby come to your wedding? if you’re sticking to not letting the baby come with her, maybe it will be very hard on her. If you need someone to stand up and be a witness, I’m pretty sure she can do that. However, anything more than that would be a strain on a new mother. Also no need to demote anyone. Just promote someone to be a second MOH or something. No need to generate hard feelings over some meaningless titles.

Post # 9
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

sidenote–lol. Can’t you see Kanye popping into the delivery room and interrupting a woman in labor to say something like that? ^_^ The mental image, it tickles me.

Post # 10
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I second the talking to her about it.  Is there anyone coming with her to the wedding to help out?  (The father, her parents, etc.)  I know that would be a huge help if she is having to travel.  Maybe consider adding another guest or two for her that she is comfortable leaving the baby with while she is in the ceremony and such.

Post # 11
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

Sorry, I didn’t notice where you said the baby couldn’t come at all.  I think you have to decide how important it is to have your friend there, and whether you are willing to be more flexible on the no baby rule to accomodate her.  Maybe she can hold a baby instead of a bouquet lol.

Post # 13
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

First, I think Pren has a good point.  Even if she thinks she can do it now, she might change her mind afterthe baby comes.  However, maybe not. 

Also, let’s do some math.  By the time your wedding rolls around, the baby will be 4.5 months (give or take) right?  If she wants to attend your wedding, I don’t think it’s a huge deal for her to let the baby stay with her mom for two nights, even if she’s breast feeding.  She can use a pump and store milk.  Or perhaps the bf can stay home with the baby, instead of attending the wedding.  Or really, I think it would be kind if you extended an offer to allow her to bring the baby.  I think it would be OK to make an exception for your bridal party.  The baby can hang out with her bf for awhile.  And really 4.5 month olds, sleep a lot.  And if he/she fusses, the bf can take the baby out of the ceremony etc.  It might hinge on how supportive this bf is.  But I don’t think this is necessarily a loss.

Post # 14
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

lol @kanye comment 🙂

To me, it sounds like you’re being a good friend. You’re allowed to be bummed that your friend might not be able to make it. It is a sucky situation. Now if you went all bridezilla on her… not cool. But you just came to WB to vent a little, totally fine.

Post # 15
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Unfortunately, you can’t predict who is going to be pregnant or have newborns around the time of your wedding (trust me – I keep getting ‘wonderful news!’ from my bridesmaids and wedding guests). All you can do is stick to your guns about the ‘no newborn’ policy and respect whatever decision she makes. You still have time, you should just tell her that you still love her and want her there on your day.

Post # 16
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Wow, that’s a toughy. Talk to her and let her know there is an out if she needs it. I don’t know if I’d ask another friend to take her place, but it looks like you have that option. I understand what you mean about not bringing her newborn, for sure… I am pretty much of the opinion that babies don’t need to attend weddings (what if the baby is having a screaming fit over your vows? Right next to you, even, if she carried the baby instead of a bouquet, which someone suggested? what a circus!), so I can see why that is not an option. 😉

I think the more flexible you can be with her and the possibility that she may have to step down late in the game, the better it will be for your future friendship. I’d just leave this ball in her court, if I were you.

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