Not really waiting.. but keep worrying he doesn't want to marry me? (long)

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6729 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

Ah paragraphs, please! I could only make it as far as you’re 23 and 24 and he just graduated. Now is the perfect time to try and live together as a pilot test. If all goes well then think about a proposal in a year or so, then plan a wedding in about a year. That fits your “few years or so” criteria. You have been together 1 year, give it time. 

ETA: thank you for revising your first post! I will re-read… but I’m pretty sure the above will stand…

Post # 4
Member
6729 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

Ok, you said: “I do know I want to take him, and when I imagine myself marrying this guy, it makes me very happy.” My philosophy is that why rush something that you want to last forever? If you really do love him, let things progress naturally. You’re young. You just graduated. Be you. Establish yourself professionally. Be in love. Get off weddingbee for awhile (or don’t, but don’t let the idea of weddings cloud your relationship). And just enjoy being young and in love! If it doesn’t work out, then it was a learning experience and can be looked back on as something that leads you to your future husband.

Breathe and relax. Every single day is a gift!

Post # 6
Member
3361 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

FutureDrAtkins:  This.

A quick look at your previous posts tells me that you are extremely insecure about your relationship, despite your SO constantly reassuring you. You can’t live your life constantly questioning his love for you and getting engaged or married won’t fix that. Trust me, I was in a relationship at your age and I was constantly reading into every little thing that he did thinking about what that meant and if he really loved me. It’s no way to live and you will just end up pushing him away by being that way. 

Post # 9
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I know what you mean about how if you’re single you’re not worried about marriage, but when you’re in a relationship you don’t want to feel like you’re wasting your time. 

Honestly, I think what you’re experiencing is anxiety. Being in a relationship can bring up feelings in us that we may not experience otherwise. I went through something like this as well the first year or two with my SO. Before we were engaged, I worried all the time it would never happen and he was just stringing me along. This ended up not being the case and now we’re happily married. I’ve never been in a LDR so I don’t know what that’s like (I can imagine how difficult it must be), but my advice to you is to relax (i know it’s difficult!) You’ve voiced your needs to your bf already, and that’s really all you can do. You’ve said yourself you’re not ready, so just try to relax and enjoy your youth and the relationship. Also use this time to focus on your career (instead of relationship woes). That’s what I would do if I could be your age again (I’m 34)! 

 

Post # 11
Member
3361 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

willow_1960:  It didn’t go away. The guy ended up breaking up with me after 6 years (I know that’s not what you want to hear). I’m a very anxious person in general, but I will tell you that with my FI, I never had a doubt about his intentions. The thing that you have to remember is that your emotions are not going to change your situation, worrying about it is not going to make it any better. If you want him to say the words, ask him straight out, “do you intend to marry me if all goes well within the next couple years?” It sounds like that is what he has said to you in a round about way. If that isn’t good enough, then maybe this isn’t the best relationship for you or maybe it’s just not the right time. I know that with my anxiety I would not be able to handle an LDR, especially that early in a relationship and especially a military LDR. My FI used to be in the Marines and he asked me if I would have met him while he was still in would I have dated him, and I told him absolutely not, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. The people that can are incredible, but for some, the heartache is just too great. He could be the most amazing guy ever, but if you can’t handle that situation, it is not enough.

Post # 13
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2015

You are still young and so is he..Don’t think you have to get married now or soon in the future. More than anything, I truly wish you to have more experience in many things (fields) including your career/ relationship/ etc. Getting married is a good idea but it may come after you enjoy your life a bit more (with or w/o your b.f or partner). When I was in 20’s, my goal was to meeting 10 guys. (since I believed that being in a relationship will grow me up in many ways. Also….life is short..) anyways….Don’t feel too much pressure and hope you enjoy your 20’s as much as possible in many good ways. (Study more/ Be a professional woman in the field that you are interested in/ Mentally and physially become healthy/ financially independent/ meeting many different people including young/old/man/women. just many people, etc.) Hope you have no regret when you become 30. 🙂 Good luck.

 

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  beewedding.
Post # 14
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Hi there. It really does sound like you have anxiety that has been caused by your childhood and seeing the unhealthy relationship between your mum and dad. I think you need to face and tackle this first….as a Christian I find that God helps me. I feel bad for you as it sounds like you cannot relax (I know how it feels as my tumultous home life affected me). 

 

It sounds like your guy is not shy of the idea of getting married and I think it is a good sign that he mentions it every now and again. One year is a short time for lots of people (although I don’t agree)…I don’t think you need to worry at all…there are no negative signs. 

Post # 15
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I get a general sense that what you really crave is security, comfort and a safety net as a result of your anxiety. I really feel that you need to focus on these issues. I wish you well. God bless.

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