Weddingbee boards

I have been friends with a great girl since middle school we've always been friends and have always been close. I'm now almost 30 and getting married...and really excited about it.

My friend has always had some problems when she was young, she could be a little harsh, she's never had much of a filter but has a great personality and always tries to be a good friend and always had lots of friends.

She told me stories of sexual abuse and physical abuse by her relatives (all the stories she didnt' tell me until we became adults) and I remember when we were just kids, she would say she wanted to die...stop breathing. Obviously in highsight, she's always had problems.

Up until 3 years ago, she was a vibant, had a career, owned her own home and was engaged to be married. She lost all of that because she became mentally unstable either just before or just after the engagement fell apart. She's been in and out of hospitals over the last 2 years. She was just admitted again yesterday, and this time it would be about the twevth time. Each time, they hold her in the ER for a day or two and send her to a mental clinic for a week or two or three and then she's back out, and before long, she stopps taking her meds and she's back to square one.

I've tried talking to her, openly and frankly...but even in her most 'sane' and medicated states of mind, she won't fully accept having a mental illness. 

She's been missing for teh last two days so I was releived to hear she was safe, in a hospital bed, but I was so sad when I called to talk to her and I could only hear her in the background, making no sense, yelling and screaming at the nurse. The nurse was upset and asked me why no one had come to see her. I told her her family has given up on her, her friends have given up on her.

Everyone tells me I'm such a great person for sticking around but the honest truth is, I've almost given up. Even during the times when she's better, she's almost intolerable. She's no longer the person she used to be even when medicated. She's agumentative, offensive, and sometimes still delusional, even when she's not manic. I can't even sit down for a nice dinner with her and have a normal conversation with her anymore. She just gets angry if I try to talk about normal subjects not to mention her illness. When she talks about it she says my "so-called illness". "so -called manic/psychotic episodes". She thinks everythign she's been through is supernatural, that she's on some sore of mission. 

Her family thinks she jsut smokes too much pot. her mother is an immigrant and has no more than a 5th grade education. Her father has been severely disabled by stroke and her brother doesn't respond to me when I tell him to read about her illness, educate himself about it. That this will keep happening if she doesn't take her meds.

She has nobody, her home is gone, her fiancee' is gone, her friends are gone, she has medical bills piling up, and also crimal issues piling up as well. She was convicted of several mistemeanors and one felony in the last two years stemming from her illness. 

I guess I just feel helpless and like I'm a horrible person for wanting to just forget about her and enjoy my wedding, not invite her, etc. These are all thoughts that creep into my head. I feel terrible I can't invite her out with my friends anymore because they dont want her around. I feel guilty that just a week ago she really wanted to go grab dinner, but I forgot, and maybe I wanted to because she treated me so badly the last time we had dinner. Everyone is tired of hearing sbout her which doesn't help...so there's no one to talk to.

But I do mourn the friend I used to have. Sorry for the rant/emotional release.

Sounds like you're friends with my brother.  Being put through hell for the last 17 years as it ripped my family completly apart, you kinda loose all sympathy for that person, well at least I do becasue you see the cycle repeat and repeat and repeat and he's had every opportunity in the world for some odd odd reason.  My parents would give up their life for him if they could.  He gets everything he wants but throws it all away. 

Illness or no illness and unfortunately, with mental illness you can't really seperate the person from the illness.  Constantly my parents would drill into me, that's not him, that's the illness, but he IS the illness and the most toxic person I've ever met.  At some point you have to wonder how much more you can take and to what extent is it worth it?  I've seen my mom's life compleatly extinguish to the point that she was more sick than he was.  So it makes me think he's only one life that is destroyed there is no reason why I should destroy mine like my mom did and as I'm scared my dad will too and I really want nothing at all whatsoever to do with him becasue that one life, which is him, will destroy any other life that will alow it to get close. 

I can't blame your friend's fam or you if you cut the friend out of your life.  When you see constantly the same cycle repeat and no matter what anyone or anything does to help they just stay in the cycle it is really impossible to stick by them. 

My mom suffers from severe manic depression. Her reality is completely distorted. She has been in and out of mental facilities for the last three years. She's had minor success with a couple of procedures, but I still miss the old mom. She's lost her house, her family (all but my and one or two of her siblings), all of her money, and her job. The one person who has helped her through it all was her best friend. She has stood by her side, held her hand through procedures, driven her to the hospital, paid some of her bills, etc. I know it is a TON to take on, but I am beyond grateful that she has a friend who loves her that much to take care of her.

I really dont have advice to give. But I would recommend, if you are comfortable, looking in to having her put in a mental care facility. If you think she is of danger to herself or others, all you need to do is call the police. She will be angry at you. She may refuse to see you. But it might give you some peace of mind to know that she is at least getting help, even if it isn't by her own free will.

I wish you the best of luck, and if you need any advice, please PM me.

Thanks everyone, it really helps knowing other people have gone through this, have the same feelings about giving up. The nurse said they are going to move to involuntary committment this time, they are looking at getting a court order and everything. I'm hoping she's looking at more long-term committment to the local mental facilities and hopefully she will one day accept her illness. Or, the more likely scenerio is she will be out in 3 weeks, with a pocket full of pills and no intetion of taking them again. 

It was hard to convinc her to take her pills. I have a friend who's a psych nurse and told me to be totally up front with her, make her promise to take them for at least x amount of time, she promised me she'd take them, but then admitted she would forget from time to time...and she complained about weight gain, depression, not feeling like talking to people like she used to. So, it was hard to convince her to keep taking them, keep seeing the doctor about adjusting them. And her delusions are so rooted in her now that she has a hard time accepting that what she thinks she experienced wasn't real.

Thanks again. I think we should all be greatful for our mental health.