- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Did anyone choose not to register?
I am/was excited to register, but my fiance is dead set against it. He thinks it’s grabby and rude, and he doesn’t think we need anything.
We are both in our late 20s, but neither of us is established in the sense that we have a full kitchen or home. We have both been bouncing around through our 20s (he in the military and me most recently in grad school). The majority of our stuff is still hand me downs or cheap stuff from Target. I am excited for the two of us to pick things out and build a home together. We will eventually be very financially secure, although right now with my student loans, I have zero leftover money to spend on things like buying new dishes or plates.
Where I feel strapped for cash and would be so thankful if any of our friends and family should choose to help us get started on our life together, his point of view is that there is no rush….and that eventually we will buy everything we need ourselves. I was not planning to register for things I realistically would never use (ex. I don’t need a Kitchenaid mixer or a paster maker). He makes fun of me b/c I don’t cook. Pretty much, he is okay eating off the three chipped plates he has and using paper plates when people come over. He is a total bachelor and doesn’t care about things like bowls and plates that match. Although, since he is the one with the disposable income right now, it’s easy for him to say we will just buy “what we need” ourselves (in his mind, we don’t need anything). He also thinks we will just end up “throwing things away” in a year or two and buying new things…I tried to explain to him that when you buy nice things, you don’t throw away your dishes when you move…
Our current compromise is that I can have a “bridal registry” but he wants it to only have my name on it and be explicit that it’s for showers only. And he said he refuses to come with me if I am going to register. He will only come with me if we are buying things ourself. Of course, this defeats the entire point, b/c I want to pick things out together for our hoome.
I have explained to him that people will buy us gifts even if we don’t register, and then we will have a lot of mis-matched things and will probably end up returning half of it (or being stuck with things we dont’ really need). He wants to put something on our website instead asking people to give to a designated charity in our name. My parents can’t believe we wouldn’t register, but his parents think it’s rude too!
I understand the feeling that it feels rude…but it’s also just how it works — you give people gifts at their wedding, and when I buy a wedding gift, I would rather pick something out that I know the couple will use.
Honestly, this is causing such a huge fight, I am ready to just cave and not register. The gifts are not worth the fight. I am just stressing b/c I know it is going to be EXPENSIVE to purchase and furnish a new home, since b/t the two of us we don’t have much to start with. Considiering we are almost 30, I am so tired of living like a college student…I am ready to have a real house and have real kitchen things…and I think this is the time to upgrade….but not at the expense of going broke (I should also mention that he flat out refuses to shop at Target or Bed Bath and Beyond b/c he says those stores are too “cheap;” so I can’t even go get us new stuff that is less expensive).