Post # 1
So I’m wondering if there are any of you out there that didn’t register for gifts? My fiance and I had a discussion about registering this weekend and he seems to think we don’t need to register for anything. He reasons that we have everything we need and he’d rather people felt more encouraged to give us cash to put towards the honeymoon. I tried to explain to him that we can’t just say that (hello etiquette) let alone expect that (only hope) and that it is expected of us to register but he’s not buying in to it. To his credit we do have most everything we need, but it’s all hand-me-downs or terribly overused. I’m not suggesting we register for everything but the kitchen sink but I’d love to get a new set of towels that don’t have bleach spots on them and all match, an awesome blender that doesn’t fall apart after each use, a nicer vacuum, etc.. all of which he says to me “alright then lets go buy it ourselves.” I tried to explain to him that this is the only time in our lives where we get to be a little selfish and register for nice things we would typically put on the back burner to buy ourselves and that people actually want to buy them for us but he still isn’t buying in to the idea, although he did finally agree to register for 10 things. Any suggestions on how to get him on board with registering for real? Like I said, I don’t want everything from the IKEA catalog, not even a set of china, but there are a few things I’d love to see upgraded! 🙂
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Is he against the entire idea of having a registry, or does he just not feel like putting the effort into creating one? If he hates the whole idea of a registry, there may not be much that you can do. But if he just doesn’t feel like actually making one, go do it on your own (or with a friend, orhis Mom, or your mom, etc.). There is no rule that the groom must participate in the registry process, so have fun with it!
Post # 4
@lovekiss: He just feels like the registry is unneccessary since we have everything we need as far as he’s concerned. Which I get, we do, but some of those things could stand to be upgraded. The funny thing is the only shower we’ll have will be thrown by his family and they LOVE throwing parties and doing these kinds of things. He has three sisters, all of whom are married and one recently so, so he knows how these things go. I threatened to call his mom about this but he just laughed it off. I really don’t get why he’s so against the whole idea of having a bridal registry. Maybe it’s because we are older, in our early 30’s, and are not in a financial position where we couldn’t just go get the things we wanted ourselves. I don’t know, I just know that a lot of our friends and family will be seriously confused if we don’t have a registry as I’ve already gotten requests to get ours started!
Post # 5
NOW is when you upgrade those items. This is the only time in life that people want to buy you these things and you are allowed to ask for them. He doesn’t have to go with you, just create a registry with the items you would like to upgrade; sheets, towels, kitchen knives, pots and pans, etc. People want to buy you these things for your shower at least this way you’ll have a say in it. If you do not have a registry, people will not automatically give you cash, most people will then decide for you what gift you need or will give you a store gift card as a shower gift. The wedding, most likely you’ll end up with monetary gifts. If he’s looking for money toward the honeymoon, why not set up a honeymoon registry as well? (I know there are mixed reviews for this, but we heard nothing but raves about the honeymoon registry.)
Sidenote: “Everything we need” is defined totally differently by men than by women. Does he actually use all of those items when cooking or cleaning to “get” that although you may have a blender or vacuum, it’s probably not the best and makes the job more difficult?
Post # 6
We did not have a registry. We have been living together for over 3 years already and have everything we need already so we didn’t register. In our culture though, it is customary to give monetary gifts so we didn’t have an etiquette issue to deal with. We did get some random gifts from people though.
EDIT: our logic was just like your FI’s though. We can buy what we want to “upgrade” with the money we receive.
Post # 7
If you refer to it as a ‘shower registry’ would he have as much of an issue with it? I think if you’re having a shower it’s best to have a registry. It would also allow you to have a few things on there for people who want to get you a physical gift. If you keep it small I’m sure you’ll still get a lot of cash, especially if it’s mentioned when people ask about a registry.
Post # 8
I had some issues with the way registries always make people spend money at huge corporations. I also really wanted to have a way for people to donate money to a charity of our choice in lieu of a gift. I looked around a lot at the different options and finally found myregistry.com and made it work. You can make a cash account through pay-pal on that site – you could call it “honeymoon fund” or something similar, which makes people feel like they’re getting you a gift rather than just writing a check. And you can choose to be vague about gifts – I have notes next to some that say “we’re not stuck on this exact product – if you know somebody who makes salt and pepper shakers, or have a favorite local store, we’d love to see what you find!”
This is a touchy issue, and I’m not a big stickler about formal etiquette, but this is the closest I could get to allowing the flexibility I wanted without forcing everyone to go to Target, where I refuse to shop unless it’s required by someone ELSE’s registry 🙂
Post # 9
We will not be registering. By we, I mean my fiance initially. When he said that, I thought about it and I decided I was ok with that.
We both have steady well paying jobs and we do buy stuff we want when we need them; we want this day to feel like a celebration with friends and families, and we don’t want them to worry about having to look up a list and find a gift before it. I could care less about the etiquette. Frankly, no one really wants to buy gifts so I doubt anyone would miss not seeing register info on your invites. 🙂
Post # 10
There are a few things that we would love to upgrade, but we really have everything that we need. We will probably be moving a few times over the next few years due to his job, so investing in new dishes or glasses that I love, only to have them break would suck. None of our towels match and they’re covered in bleach spots too :-p. We actually received a nice blender for christmas, I got a food processor for my last B-day, and we got a kitchen aid stand mixer as an engagement gift. So we decided to just keep what we have (we literally have a closet of kitchen appliances), and just create a honeymoon registry. We have it listed on our wedding website, so if people want to know, all they have to do is look. We’re hoping that by including it on our website and by word of mouth, we will get mostly cash. You can’t go wrong with cash. And whatever you get you can use to upgrade all those things you need as well.
Post # 11
Seems like you need some upgrades so a small registry should be fine (more than 10 things though).
At first fi didn’t want to register either but after we discussed it and after my bm told me we should, he agreed. He had more fun than he thought he would and actually got really into it.