Not RSVPing and decide to show up? Enjoy your pbj…

posted 3 years ago in Reception
  • poll: What do you think about a pbj dinner for the people who don't RSVP or say "no" and show up anyway?
    It's fair : (90 votes)
    39 %
    Totally rude! : (140 votes)
    61 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2546 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    brides make this sound way harder than it has to be. whoever didn’t rsvp, you call. if they say “i don’t know” after the deadline, you say “i’m sorry, i’m gonna have to put you down as a no”. period.

    Post # 4
    Member
    111 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I can’t remember where I read it, but someone had only so many seats for those that RSVP-ed and had made the policy of the ones who just showed up had to wait till others gave up their seats and were done eating.

     

    We’re not doing a formal catering, but if someone showed up unanounced even after I’ve called and e-mailed, there’s not much I can do about that but let them eat.

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    1656 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    i just wouldn’t feed them at all…

    Post # 6
    Member
    4576 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @bebero:  +1

    @MrsSweetT:  It would be funnier to me as a “What I *ought* to do….” story or an urban legend rather than something someone actually did. I totally understand the frustration, but the whole sign and plastic silverware thing is humiliating, and I’m not about that.

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    111 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @bretonvirgniia:  That’s what I’d do if it was a plated meal.

    Post # 8
    Member
    10 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I wouldn’t do PPJ but maybe they can pay for thier own meal? Depending on who is catering. If it is the venue I am sure they can just order something and pay themselves. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1327 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I wouldn’t make a table with a sign like that, I just wouldn’t feed them at all.  “I’m sorry, we gave a final headcount to the caterer and it cannot be changed.  Since you didn’t RSVP you were not included.  Please feel free to come to the ceremony or stop by for dancing, but there simply will not be extra food”  The end.

    Post # 10
    Member
    4576 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @bretonvirgniia:  +1 same here. I’d just *not* feed them, not try to make them feel like shit (whether they deserve it or not). Like I said, funny story, but it seems like something off of Mean Girls for Grownups.

    Post # 11
    Member
    62 posts
    Worker bee

    I don’t know.  It seems like brides get so stressed out they turn the whole event into an “us vs them” idea.  It’s not like the guests are out to get you and make your day terrible.  I’m sure I’m not perfect all of the time, so I tried to keep that in mind and accomodate people as much as possible, especially if I loved them enough to invite them to my wedding.  Things happen, people are human.  And you attract more bees with honey than vinegar  🙂

    Post # 12
    Member
    3693 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    While hilarious, I don’t think the PB+J thing is a good idea in real life.

    Have a seating arrangement with just as many chairs as there are RSVPed guests. Make place cards/escort cards for those guests. It helps if you’re having a plated dinner, so there’s only enough food for the listed guests.

    Nowhere for them to sit, nothing for them to eat…..they’ll get the idea, I think.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2546 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    besides, why would you do that if you wanted them at your wedding in the first place?

    Post # 14
    Member
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I can see the temptation! It’s one of those “I’d so like to do that!” ideas.

    In reality, this sort of public humiliation would reflect badly on you and while people might have sympathy with the principle, you’d come across as unecessarily spiteful and mean spirited.

    Now this doesn’t mean that people should expect to roll up and get their feet under the dinner table having uncluttered their heads with the need to send an RSVP. But it’s down to you to contact them, tedious as this is, and tell them that in the absence of any word to the contrary you’ve had to assume they aren’t attending and it is now too late to cater for them.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3249 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @MrsSweetT:  The same as if they brought their (uninvited) children, you should accept them graciously, and make a grand effort to seat them and accomodate them. Everyone sees how gracious you are, they look, and feel, like inconsiderate boobs, and everyone still thinks you’re a lovely person, and they’re tools.  They’re embarrassed as punishment for their crimes, but you come off smelling like roses.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2973 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Yeah the sign is a tad bit too humiliating and I wouldn’t want any bad joojoo on my wedding day. 

    Like others said, if it happened to me I would simply not put out seated cards for them, which should get the point across that “Hey, no seats for you? Let me see why…oh right. Sorry”. If they still attempt to hang out, that’s fine. Enjoy the drinks and dance but don’t expect to be fed. 

    But really for me it would have to depend on who it is. 

    If my family from abroad do not reply because they really don’t know if they are able to afford the flight – and then decide to surprise me on my wedding day, I would be so extremely happy. I would definitely ask the caterer to whip up another table and food for them. 

    If it was someone I couldn’t care less about, meh. 

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