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VENUE QUESTION, OPINION NEEDED

Not seeing one another before the wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Beehive
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    1.
    Member
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    Bumble bee
    Miss Root    07/04/10   Seattle

    I just wanted to find out what everyone thinks about not spending the night before the wedding with their FI.  My FMIL has it stuck in her head that my FI will be spending the night before our wedding at his old house.  Sleeping in some tiny little hard-as-a-rock twin bed.  Here's the deal: FI and I live together.  We are going to be almost 30 by the time our wedding rolls around.  I want both him and I to get the best night sleep possible before the big day, and I don't think that it's in his best interest to go sleep at mommy's house! 

    What did any of your do, or what are you planning to do before your wedding day?  Spend it together or apart?  And anyone have any brilliant advice for how to deal with my pushy FMIL? 

     
    2.
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    Bumble bee
    FlipFlopBride       Virginia

    I have not even thought about what we might do the night before the wedding, but we live together too. Also, my FI will be 33 by the time we get married. If anything, I might spend the night at a hotel where me and the girls will get ready the next day.

    My advice on the pushy FMIL for you is to have your FI deal with her. You should have a conversation with him, and make sure that you two agree on the best plan. Then, since you are on the same page, you should have him approach his mother about this. Other than that, there's really no magic way of dealing with her.

     

    Good luck!

     
    3.
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    Buzzing bee
    MsHymanRoth    October 24, 2009   Boston

    Well, first of all, fiance and I will sleep apart on our wedding night also! We actually will not see each other until I walk down the aisle on the wedding day!!!! The last thing we do together before we are a married couple will be getting massages (that evening or afternoon) ... than we'll not be allowed to see each other.

    I agree that both of you should get the most comfortable sleep as possible on the wedding night! What was your fiances reaction when his mom said that? Was he excited and agreed or was he mad ...??

     
    4.
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    Bee Keeper
    Future Mrs. Martin    August 21, 2010   London Ontario Canada

    I sleep horribly without him and I think that the night before the wedding I am already going to be a mess so I personlly want to sleep together, have breakfast together and part-ways to get ready!

     
    5.
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    Bee Keeper
    Jessie516    May 16, 2009   Ann Arbor, MI

    We lived together before our wedding, but we did decide to sleep in different places on the night before the wedding.  It just worked out a little better logistically for me to be with my bridesmaids for getting ready purposes.  I suppose we could have stayed in our place together, but it was kind of fun staying with my sister and best friend instead.

     
    6.
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    Busy bee
    surkim    September 2, 2012  

    I think I'd go for sleeping apart the night before, perhaps even a bit longer.  I think it would make the day of the wedding pretty exciting.  

    I don't know that it would go over well, he says he has a hard time falling asleep without me.

    Since you live together, maybe you can work it so you sleep in separate rooms and leave the house separately or something?  You knock on his door three times and he can come out five minutes later, or perhaps set a time for you to definitely be out of the house.  But if he isn't into sleeping on a rock-hard twin bed, he should let her know.  Then again, maybe he figures that she should have some say, she's losing her son, blah de blah de blorg... you should appeal to him with comfort.

    Men seem to like that sort of thing.

     
    7.
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    Sugar bee
    littlemissmoo    July 18, 2010   London, UK

    Mr Moo actually wants to spend the night beforehand apart. So he'll be going back to his parents house and I'll either be staying at home or at the nearby hotel with my MOH. I don't sleep particularly well without him though so it'll be interesting. 

     
    8.
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    Helper bee
    wonderlanded    2 October 2010   London

    I'm getting a hotel room with my best friend/chief bridesmaid for the night before the wedding, and I'll get ready there. FI will get ready at our place. For us, I like the idea of spending the last night apart, and as we have an early afternoon ceremony not having to rush off somewhere else to get ready has a big attraction!

    So we will have dinner with our families the night before, he will go home and i will go to the hotel. Then I'll have breakfast with my family and bridesmaids, get ready, and see him at the church as I walk down the aisle.

     
    9.
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    Buzzing bee
    IA_Snowflake    August 29, 2009   Missouri Valley, IA

    We spent the night seperately.  I checked into our wedding night hotel on Friday.  It was kind of nice so that I could settle in and get ready there.  I considered staying with him though when we were parting at the rehearsal dinner.  I had no pressure either way - well maybe a little from my sister.  We lived together beforehand and are in late 20's, early 30's.

     
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    Honey bee
    OttawaBride2011    May 21, 2011   Ottawa, Ontario

    we're going to spending the night apart... it just seems like it would be so romantic! i hadn't thought about not being able to sleep though... if you guys really want to spend the night together, don't let his mother force you to do otherwise! it's totally a personal choice :)

     
    11.
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    Bumble bee
    Brianalaura    August 14, 2010   Ontario, Canada

    We haven't fully decided what we're doing yet.  My guy wanted to not see each other the day of but now we're thinking of doing a first look.  We're also probably going to have to set everything up together since we're having it in the backyard of his grandparents home.  I think you just need to talk about it, decide what's best for you, and then tell his mom your decision.  She's already had her wedding, this one is for you guys!

     
    12.
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    Helper bee
    MissDane    June 26, 2010  

    we are definitely spending the night apart. we live together right now but i am really looking forward to seeing him for the first time when i walk down the aisle....there is just something so romantic about it. he will be spending the night at his parents' house and i'll be staying at the hotel. out of everything associated with the wedding the part i am most looking forward to (after becoming husband and wife) is that first look when the church doors open :)

     
    13.
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    Sugar bee
    GaBGal    September 25, 2010  

    we will be apart too. but do what is most comfortable to you!

     
    14.
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    Honey bee
    hotchildinthecity    June 12, 2010   New York, NY

    We're sleeping apart the night before the wedding, and we live together as well.  My FI will be staying in the hotel and I will be at my mom's house.

     
    15.
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    Helper bee
    AliOopsieDaisy    July 2010  

    @MsHymanRoth I LOVE the idea of getting a massage with FI and then not seeing each other until the wedding ceremony!

    FI and I will not be spending the night together just to make the ceremony that much more special. We will be having the rehersal dinner the night before and then not see each other until 7:00 the enxt day for the night of our wedding.

     
    16.
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    Bumble bee
    stormy9973    October 3, 2009   Ottawa, KS

    We too are sleeping apart the nite before our wedding.  I will be staying at a hotel with the rest of our bridal party and my parents.  He will be staying at his parent's house!!  We are both in our mid thirties and have lived together for almost a year, but I like the idea of us not seeing each other before the ceremony.  I like the suspense of neither one of us knowing what the other looks like until I walk down the aisle to him!!!  Grant it, it will be hard not seeing him after I leave him and head to the hotel and we don't get married until 6:30 in the evening, but I know it will be worth IT!!!

     
    17.
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    Buzzing bee
    MsHymanRoth    October 24, 2009   Boston

    I'm so excited about getting a massage. I wish I was getting married this weekend Laughing

    Our rehearsal is the week before ... I told everyone I do not want wedding anxiety the week of ... I will get stress pimples lol. I just want a relaxed week leading up to it. I have family coming from my mothers side and so we will go have either lunch or dinner or whatever on Friday (night before), have the massages (maybe my sister who's the MOH) will come and have a massage ... and than my sister and I will sleep in the bridal suite. 

    I cant wait. We don't have a bathtub .. so I'm so excited to lay in the big tub (after I clean it haha) in our suite. I'll watch a movie with my little sister and it will be my last night as a single woman just me and my sister! I'm actually really excited. I even invited my mom but I don't know if she'll stay with us or not! I think she's just as nervous as me b/c I'm her first to get married.

     
    18.
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    Bumble bee
    Miss Root    07/04/10   Seattle

    Thank you everyone!  I don't know how I would be getting through all of this without all of you!

    @MsHymanRoth: I love the idea of getting massages together before we part for the evening!  What a great way to relax before the big day!   

    I think I'll just wait until we get closer to the date and then talk it out and let him tell his mom the plan.  We're going to be getting ready at the hotel where our ceremony/reception will be and we'll be doing pictures before hand, and I considered asking if I can get my bridal suite the night before and staying there with one of my out of town bridesmaids/best friend and just having him stay at home.  I know he doesn't sleep well without me but I think at bare minimum it would be best if he was in his own bed!  Plus, am I bad that I just don't want his mom to "win"?  I feel like she only is pushing this issue to irritate me.  FI is an only child, so while I know she likes me and we get along really well, I think she likes to push my buttons. *sigh*  I guess it could be a lot worse!

     

     
    19.
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    Busy bee
    WDWBride    March 3, 2010   Walt Disney World

    My fiance is also insisting we do not see each other until I walk down the aisle.  He's a romantic...and a traditionalist. If it were up to me we would definitely do a first look!!

     
    20.
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    Worker bee
    Bennie      

    i think it's kind of cute for a mom to want to have her "little boy" (hey, he's always going to be her little boy  no matter his age!) stay over at her house one last time. Honey, you've got him the rest of your lives.. i think it would be gracious to not fight this thing with her. You win, you're marrying him!!

     

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