Not sending out thank you cards?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
5031 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

missanonybee53:  YES!!! Or for other occasions like birthdays and whatnot. I don’t know what an appropriate window would be. I’d think a couple weeks after the honeymoon or so they could get them out? It’s kind of irritating because you don’t even know if they received the gift or not. My mama taught me right, I always send thank yous.

Post # 3
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

missanonybee53:  My wedding was on Sept 6th and I’m trying to get cards out this weekend. It feels late, but I just got the photos back from the photographer without water marks. I really wanted to include some wedding photos in with the thank yous. By the time people get their thank you cards it’ll probably be ~6 weeks after the wedding.

Post # 4
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

2-3 months is acceptable IMO.

Post # 5
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

It’s been about 4 years since my cousins wedding and I am still waiting for a thank you. Half the family rcvd thank you cards. Guess I’m in the half that didnt. And it still irks me to be honest. I put the time, effort and money into getting a beautiful gift from their registry, paid to have it professionally wrapped and sent (I couldn’t make it to the wedding) and not even a Facebook “thanks”. Rude

Post # 6
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

One of my dear old friend’s wedding reception was in May (they had eloped in April). I was unable to attend, but sent her a check. She cashed the check – no thank you card. I’ve given her a pass on it, because I love her, but seriously? LOL


Post # 7
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

missanonybee53:  I’ve received very prompt thank you cards, and also been to weddings where I never received a thank you. It doesn’t really both me though as long as I have a verbal confirmation the gift was received, I’d rather not have the extra piece of paper.

I heard you have up to a year to send out thank you cards, I would def expect them to take a couple months at least.

Post # 8
8993 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Ugh, so obnoxious.  Several friends have not sent thank-yous after their weddings.  I actually emailed one friend like 9 months later because their gift was delivered while they were on the honeymoon, so I wanted to make sure they got it.  He was like “LOL oh yeah I guess we never got around to thank yous, huh.”  Seriously?!

Post # 9
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

missanonybee53:  We got all the shower gift thank you notes out before the wedding, and most of the gifts we received up until the week of the wedding we wrote thank you notes for before the wedding.

After the wedding, we wrote in fits and spurts until all of them were finally out 4 months after the wedding. I had to literally stand next to my husband and have him write the notes that he agreed to write. He kept putting it off saying we have a year or 6 months, and I kept telling him that people will be worried we never received their gift.

Post # 11
156 posts
Blushing bee

We attended the wedding of one of FI’s cousins about a year and a half ago and never received a thank you note for our gift of money.  I don’t know if they didn’t send them out at all or if they were offended by our gift of $50.  I hear people say frequently now you are to try to cover the cost of both of your dinners with your wedding gift, and if I had to guess it was probably around $75 a head.  But I can’t justify shelling out $100+ for cousins who we see once a year if that.  Actually as someone who has a family of mixed incomes I would be perfectly happy for people just to show up, I find it weird to worry about if they paid for their dinner that I unbeknownst to them chose at a certain price point. As for the window of time, I have heard you have up to one year, although I personally think it would be nice to acknowledge someone’s gift within 3 months.

Post # 12
9546 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yes, I have no received a thank you from at least one wedding gift, that I can think of. I think that generally 3 months is acceptable to get out thank yous for wedding gifts. I was bad and didn’t get all mine done until 4 months.

I will say – we got a lovely serving dish without a card so we didn’t know where to sent the thank you note! It wasn’t something from our registry, so we couldn’t track it through there, we asked around but nobody had any idea who it might have come from. We looked through the list of people that we didn’t get a gift from, but nobody really popped out as an obvious choice, so we just left it alone. And we sent thank yous for attending to people that didn’t bring a gift and nobody pointed out that they also brought a gift. It still bugs me a bit, but there’s not much else to do!

Post # 13
2462 posts
Buzzing bee

There was one time where a very good friend of mine didn’t send a thank you, and randomly, two years after his wedding he asked me if I got one. I told him no, and a couple days later I received one. I think he must’ve had something happen and he forgot a few people on his list. I just received a thank you yesterday for a wedding that was 5 months ago. That’s late to me, but I honestly hadn’t even realized I never got one. I’m sure there are a few people from my wedding wondering why they didn’t receive thank you notes and think I’m a jerk, but they never gave a gift so I never sent a note. I don’t think they even realize they didn’t give me a gift so we’re probably both thinking in our heads that the other person is rude. Oh the joys of the etiquette dance. 

Also, I really hate when people send generic thank you notes that aren’t personalized. Like a picture that says thank you with no words or a typed out generic “thank you for coming blah blah” card. It just seems so half-assed.

Post # 14
2897 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

In all honesty, I’m pretty sure I’ve never received a thank you card in my life. As long gratitude is somehow expressed, I don’t worry about it being in writing. And I’m actually very “into” etiquette.

Post # 15
2791 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

Something strange happened at a friend’s wedding. My parents also attended and couldn’t figure out where to put their card so they decided to put their card (containing $) with my gift (cookbook, baking stuff, etc) which also had my card attached.  Well, my parents got a thank you for my gift w/o mention of the money. And I never got a thank you at all. So…. i don’t know. I never said anything… and i hope they didn’t think we didn’t get them a gift… just an awkward situation. 

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