Post # 1
Happy Monday ladies! This morning I was driving into work and on the radio they were talking about sharing passwords in relationships. The story was a woman told her boyfriend from early in their now 5-year relationship that she would NEVER share her facebook/email/etc passwords with a significant other. Now (5 years later?!) her boyfriend is wondering if this is a dealbreaker? (since he is curious about what she may or may not be “hiding”)
So, I figured what better way to start a fun Monday discussion then by putting it out to my fellow bees – so, what do you ladies think? Is not sharing passwords in a relationship (whether it be a dating relationship or marriage) a dealbreaker?!
As someone who has been a master snooper in the past when an ex was cheating, I never thought I’d get to a place where I could fully trust someone again. I used to always be in the camp that if you have nothing to hide, then it shouldn’t be an issue to share the passwords. However, now that I have met my fiance whom I trust 100% and never have attempted to snoop on I do not think it’s a big deal to not have that full level of disclosure in a relationship. Our relationship is built on trust, and demanding each others passwords would not facilitate that trust. I also finally “get” the whole privacy thing – even if he isn’t doing anything shady and shouldn’t “need” to keep things private, we are both entitled to our privacy and not every single conversation we have with someone else needs to be shared.
I am so glad I have finally gotten to the point where I can trust someone in that way (and have met an amazing man who I know would never do anything to break that trust). It makes our relationship so much easier! 🙂
I will add, I think there are definitely some people who are shady when it comes to passwords (e.g., your SO desperately needs to access his email but refuses to tell you the password to it for you to help him out), but the simple act of not sharing passwords does not automatically signify something shady is going on.
Post # 3
@MrsWBS: I completely agree with you. DH and I have each other’s passwords if we need them but neither of us feels the need to snoop. We trust each other.
Post # 4
Personally for me having my someone whom I dating ask for all my passwords would be a dealbreaker. I find it controling. I understand people who have trust issues, but at the same time making your current spouse pay for what other people did you to seems a bit unfair.
I have nothing to “hide”, however I don’t think there is one good reason for someone to have passwords to all my personal accounts. and I seen coutless people get burned by doing this, for example a friend who had her disgruntled boyfriend whom she was with for three years log into her fb and post pictures of a sexual nature they took together, he seem like a nice guy and i was in shock that he did something like that.
I think now that we are getting married I feel a bit more relaxed about giving some information but it still something I prefer not do.
Post # 5
@MrsWBS: I feel like if someone is going to be shady, they’re going to do it regardless of if you have their PW info. So– it wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me BUT, DH and I are very open with PW’s and such.
Post # 6
We shared passwords pretty early on. He always forgets what mine is, so I have to remind him anytime he wants to get into something of mine, but he knows I’ve told him a hundred times. The only password he ever hid from me was for his MoissyCo account.
I wouldn’t have a problem if we didn’t have each other’s passwords. If he suddenly changed them all without telling me, then I might have a problem.
(And just to clarify, we don’t log into each other’s stuff very often. He’s tech savvy and will work on my computer for me, and I log into his Facebook to accept Sims Social requests from me. We don’t do it without each other’s permission.)
Post # 7
@Sunfire: Agreed. We share passwords for practical reasons, but we don’t use them to snoop. If I didn’t use his email to do wedding planning sometimes, it wouldn’t bother me if I didn’t have his password.
Post # 8
The story in your post of the man waiting 5 years to say that he wants to basically snoop into her social network is maybe looking for an out in that relationship. Waiting for 5 years is too late if you ask me.
That being said, I don’t have my FI’s password for his phone, facebook (never uses it anyways) or bank cards. As for me, all my passwords are written down in my agenda. And he looks over my shoulder when I am on the computer anyways, so I have nothing to hide from him. meh.
Post # 9
I agree with you completely, I dont feel the need to know my SOs passwords for anything I completely trust him and he has never given me any reason not to and I him. :]
Post # 10
Nope not a deal breaker, DH and I have been together almost 5 years we do not know each other passwords. If he wants them he can have them or I can have his, we just trust each other enough not to care if we know them or not.
Post # 11
I know his password for most things (he uses the same variation on everything) but I went to log on his facebook the other day to get a photo and that password wasn’t the same as the ones he usually has.
I just shrugged and asked him to send me the photo when he was next logged on. I didn’t think there was anything weird about it…
But if I had asked and he refused to give it to me, then I would find that dodgy. I’m open about all of mine! (except amazon! he isn’t snooping to find out what I’m getting him for Christmas!)
Ooh, before I forget though, I always know when he doesn’t want me looking at something. We just got engaged this weekend and when we were out he was looking at his phone. I just looked over to him (not even looking at his phone!) and he was like “hey! stop being nosey!” – next thing I knew he took me into a florist and we picked up a bouquet my mum had sent – he was on the maps on his phone trying to find the place so I’d be surprised!
Post # 12
My husband is in IT and is uber protective of his passwords. He does not share them with me. I have absolutely no reason not to trust him, so I’m not worried about it.
Post # 13
I see no need to know my OHs passwords, and vice versa. Just not necessary.
Post # 14
I had no desire to know, although I already do know. He uses the same password for everything.
We share a computer and our tablets so we’re pretty open with that kind of stuff.
Post # 15
Just because we are in a relationship does not mean we are not entitled to privacy. I don’t have my FIs passwords and he doesn’t have mine. I have nothing to hide, and no reason to think he’s hiding anything. If I ever felt differently (that he was hiding something) I would probably just leave the relationship. Not trusting the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with is no way to live.
Post # 16
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Neither of us have anything to hide, but we don’t make it a point to remember each other’s passwords either. And passwords are definitely not a deal breaker for us. I would hope that passwords would not be a dealbreaker for anyone who is married. I think the vows we made mean a bit more than that.