(Closed) Not so sure about this :(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you should be nice to people at the holidays but that’s taking things a little too far.  He needs to find his own gig for Christmas not crash your family gathering.

Post # 4
Member
12833 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Aww, I’m sorry. Does your grandmother know?  As the host of the event, she has the final say of who is invited, so maybe she could let your sister know that, unfortunately, there isn’t space for him to stay.

Post # 7
Member
12833 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mandy102:  Ugh.  I was hoping your grandmother could dis-invite.  I guess the only other option is telling your sister.  It’s too bad he doesn’t get along with his own family to go right now, but it’s not your place/responsibility to host an ex for the holidays because of his own family fighting.  🙁 

Post # 9
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mandy102:  Maybe…but you would think he would feel awkward.  Are he and your sister trying to work things out or is it definitely over between them?

Post # 11
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mandy102:  Then she needs to make a clean break and tell him he’s not invited.  He’s nothing more than a roommate to her.  I’m sure she doesn’t want him there either.

Post # 13
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, I think a line needs to be drawn here, but then again, I also don’t think anyone should live with an ex.  I don’t know how or why your sister broke up with this guy but I do have to wonder if it’s possible that their arrangement allows him to be in denial of their relationship being over and hence he still wants to be a part of her family and come to family gatherings and such.

Post # 15
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mandy102:  It really does sound to me like he’s in denial and trying to cling to the relationship even though she told him it’s over.  Some people are like this–they will not accept that a relationship is over even when they’ve specifically been TOLD that it’s over, they just think they’re working their way to getting back together with the person.  Since your sister’s ex lives with her, it’s all the more easy for him to think that this is just a phase they’re going through and that they’re really still together in a way.  First, he continues living with her, then he expects to be invited along to family gatherings… what’s next?  It’s one thing to still be friends with someone after a breakup, but your sister is still sharing her life with this man which is a different thing altogether.  She needs to separate from him at least somewhat.  Perhaps you can talk to her about how awkward it makes you all (especially your grandmother) feel that he is still hanging around with you guys as if he’s still a part of the family even though they’re supposedly broken up.  She might also need to have another conversation with him about how their relationship really is over and I suspect that convincing him of that fact is going to require him or her (or both) moving out.  I wish you and your family all the best.

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