Post # 1
I am going to be a guest at a wedding. I have only been to a few weddings in my life and I was a kid at all but 1. The only one I went to where I paid for my dinner ($100) and got them gifts on top of that, I had received a bonus at work and was feeling pretty generous. Since money is tight this time around I am wondering what the proper thing to do is in general. If you give the couple money to pay for your dinner (I won’t leave under $100) is that considered the gift or do you give them the money for the food AND a gift? Or is it also okay to give at least $100 worth of gifts to the couple in lieu of money for the food? I am a little confused.
Post # 3
I don’t know if it matters but they are several states away so I had to pay for a flight and hotel to get ther too which was a little over $300. I would like to know if the etiquette here changes given that or not.
Post # 4
@Zellywelly: You do NOT pay for your dinner. In fact it is impolite to speculate on what others spend on hosting you.
Gift what you can afford. $100 is a lovely gift.
Post # 5
@Zellywelly: Bees are generally NOT fans of weddings where guests are expected to pay for their plates, and I anticipate you will get overwelming amounts of gals telling you not to bring a gift on top of that.
I would take a card, as the reception is traditionally meant to be a “thank you” for attending the wedding, given by the bride and groom.
ETA: wait, now I’m confused. Is this a wedding where guests are asked to pay for their plate? I answered thinking that it was.
Post # 6
We had some people come and give us nothing. One person came and gave us a $10 gift card to Target. Some people wrapped up gifts that they clearly re-gifted us from their cupboards or basement. A family of three wrapped up six refrigerator magnets.
$100 is a great gift.
Post # 7
The amount of a gift is based on two things and two things only, the closeness of the relationship, and what you can afford to spend. Cover your plate is a gross mutation of the fact that people like to be generous to young couples just starting out. Some people will always give more and some will give less. Gifts, whether monetary or a household item, are always voluntary. By no means do you need to give both.
Cash or check gifts are common in many circles and looked down upon in others. The considerate thing to do is to send gifts to the couple ahead of the wedding so that they are not burdened with keeping track the day of. It is tacky and rude to be expected to pay the literal price of your own dinner, as if you are buying tickets to a commercial event. You are the guest. It’s the hosts responsibility is to throw the affair they can afford.
The fact that you are flying and spending money on a flight is a separate thing. If you can’t afford to attend the wedding, send your regrets. If you do go, give the gift you can afford to give, based on your relationship and your budget.
Post # 8
@Zellywelly: We give $50 in a gift regardless of who or where the wedding takes place.
Post # 9
I’ve never heard of a wedding where the guest covers his/her meal (like literally, “Here’s the cash for my meal”) and provides additional gifts on top of that. I get the “cover your plate” concept but that’s technically considered the gift so the B&G technically break even.
As such, I would gift what you want to gift and can afford. I don’t think you, as a guest, is expected to pay for your own food.
Post # 10
I usually do $50-75 for friends and $75-100 for family. Regardless of whether it’s in a banquet hall with super pricey food or a backyard bbq where I eat off paper plates 🙂
Post # 11
I’ve always heard $50/pp (so $100 for a couple) is considered a reasonable but generous gift!
Post # 12
You give what you can. My FI was unemployed during some of the weddings we attended so I could only give a gift that I was able to afford.
Post # 13
$100 is a very nice gift.
Post # 14
I think $100 ($200/couple) is a perfectly good gift.
Post # 15
Don’t worry about covering the cost of your dinner! Give what you can, and give becuase you want to.
I hate to imagine my guests stressing over doing the math and trying to guess the cost of the reception so they can gift properly. It’s a gift, not a bill!
Post # 16
This has been very helpful bees and very educational for me. Let me clear up a couple things because I think I was confusing in my initial post. No, no one said we have to pay for our plates (that would be SO ridiculous especially at $100) I just have the mindset that the LEAST I can do is help the couple (if they paid for their wedding or even part of it) recover some of their money by giving them at the bare minimum $100. I look at it as paying for the dinner. It might be rude of me to speculate that’s what it costs but that’s what I am at the very least giving them no matter the relationship I have with them because weddings though fun, can be VERY pricey and stressful and i just want them to be happy and I want to do what I can for them as they start their life as a new family.
I feel confident now that I won’t be insulting them if I don’t give them cash but give them some gifts off their registry now OR Vise versa ($100) in a card. Thank you Bees!