- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Sorry this is SO long, Ive been holding it in since we got engaged and i need to let it out. Again sorry for the length and the rant.
So my Fi had been engaged twice in 10 years and both weddings never happened (reasons are not his fault after listening to him and his family) and I have been engaged once before in the past 10 years ( he was abusive I left) So when we got engaged beginning of Dec we waited a month to tell family and friends as we were worried about mainly our familys reactions. Well my famiy was super excited and still is and its an amazing feeling to know they support me 100% and since we found out FI is deploying in OCT my folks have offered to move up the wedding to before he deploys and to pay for the entire wedding(yes there is a budget though lol)I am so happy they are feeling the way they do about the wedding and FI.
Now on to his family, his 2 brothers are excited and I actually talk to one of his brothers now regualry about everything under the sun, he is awsome :). and his youngest brother I dont talk to, to often but when we do get a chance he is super nice to me. His sister is on the edge and wont really give a yes Im happy for you or No dont do it answer, and im ok with that she is currently 8 months pregos and I know thats her main focus :). My biggest concern is his parents. His dad at first seemed happy for us but seems like it may be changing, and his mom from day one has been back and forth. She constantly makes me feel like because of his past engagements this will end up the same and no point to get excited for us. She has never once said congrats or Im happy for you, nothing. Sometimes when FI calls her she seems to be coming around making wedding suggestions and I of course am like “thats a great idea i didnt think of it thanks, if you have any other ideas id love to here them” but seriouslty next phone call we have with her which are usually a week apart, she makes comments and wont give him info we need to send things out. Example, when we needed addresses from his side for Save the Dates, it literally took 3 weeks and multiple phone calls to finally get her to give us the address, she would constantly ask whos on the list (no biggie there) then turn around and say well so and so wont come and this person wont come, and that there was no point for us to send anything to them. we did finally get the addresses.
My mom came up with an idea, my mom thinks maybe his mom feels left out, which is understandable, we are living almost an enitre country away from his family, So my mom thought send her a little package with everything we have so far. Great idea!! I put together things from cermeony and reception sites, personal pictures I took at the church and also I wrote her a 3 page letter explaining so far whats going on and at the end I explained how me and her son (FI) have been best friends for 7 years, I love him so much, how he is and always has been my rock and that I can not see being with anyone else the rest of my life. I told her she did an amazing job rasing him and I cant wait to be apart of their family.
Well we talked after that and she thanked me for the package and the letter and gave me more ideas. the way she was responding to everything I sent her, it made me believe that maybe this time she really was coming around.
fast forward now to this past week.
FI needed some email address, as we have all the info for the block of rooms we have reserved and wanted to send out an FYI email to let people know the prices in case they were trying to budget. Well his mom never got back to him but is dad did and what was said kinda made me think why would you say that. FI dad said 7 months is pretty far out still and we have plenty of time to send out emails no rush and also why send an email, the hotel info will go in the invites and that they (his folks) know that people change(???) and situations change (???) and waiting just a little bit longer is ok as again 7 months is plently of time
1. people change… I know he means my FI and by that I mean my FI is an amazing man that changes which way he wants to go on alot of ideas, but he always has goals he sticks to and just needs reassuring he will make them and all is well
2. situations change…. I know our past engagements make some a little unsure of this one, however we arent each others ex’s. and those past situations have nothing to do with us being us, there the PAST.
3. 7 months is plenty of time…. no really its not when you have to fly across country and right now flights are going for almost $600 round trip, and that 7 months will fly right by.
Well FI is frustrated and we sat down and he told me he just wants his folks to be happy like mine are for us, and get excited. I told him look its on them at this point they know whats going on and if they dont want to give or get the hotel info right now well no point in arguing we can send it to those who would like it that will give us there contact info(not addresses, already got those, lol). And honestly if it was just me and him and the pastor Id be ok with it, I want to marry him and that really is the bottom line of anything i truely care about. After we had that talk he had a few of his fav aunts call (normally they do anyway once or twice a month)and lucky for him his grandparents were with one of the aunts and he got some emails and felt a bit better.
As far as the emails, we know traveling across country is expensive and yes the info will be with the invites and rsvp’s. all we wanted to do is give those who are planning on coming enough info to start that planning process and save up if need be.
We have not asked his folks to finacial help with anything at this point, as honestly were kinda worried on their reactions. I know my folks are paying for pretty much everything but me and FI are pitching in were we can and would like to be able to ask his folks to help us pay for transportaion from hotel to church and back to hotel(reception)$165 and the rehersal dinner(small get together).
I feel bad for FI as he is so sad and frustrated and honestly so am I. Why cant his folks just be happy and enoy the fact their son is getting married and to his best friend. Any advise on how to handle the situation from here with his folks? I dont think im being a Zillia, but who knows.
Thanks for reading my rant if you made it this far 🙂