Post # 1
One of my bridesmaids is getting married. I am so excited for her! She’s always told me that I would be in her wedding. And she’s named about 3 other girls she would have in the wedding along with me.
I was assuming she would ask me to be in the wedding tomorrow because it’s the first time I’ve seen her in person since she’s gotten engaged. She asked me if we could work on some wedding stuff together. And I said I would love to. While we were texting about it she told me that they’re only having two attendants on each side. I feel pretty safe in assuming that I’m not going to be in the wedding since they’re only having so few. I don’t think any of them will be family.
This may be really silly, but my feelings are hurt about this. I was really excited to help her with her wedding, but now it feels like I’m only good enough to help her plan, but not good enough to stand by her side to support her when she gets married. I understand if she wants a smaller wedding party for whatever reason she feels is right. But is it wrong of her to ask me to help with the wedding if I’m not going to be in it? I guess we’ll talk about it tomorrow and I’ll know for sure.
Post # 3
But is it wrong of her to ask me to help with the wedding if I’m not going to be in it?
No, because being a good friend means you help when people ask for your help.
I think it’s a little unreasonable to expect to be a bridesmaid. I had five bridesmaids and I would never in my wildest dream expect them to make me their bridesmaid. I’d help them in a hot second because, well, I’ve already done it, and wedding planning alone sucks.
If it were me, I wouldn’t bring this up. Her wedding party is her business and whatever her reasons for having such a small party is, it doesn’t really concern you. If you don’t want to help her plan, then tell her you don’t want to. Just don’t say “I don’t want to help because I’m not in the bridal party.”
Post # 4
If you are both close friends and she mentioned you possibly being a bridesmaid before, I see no problem in gently approaching her and simply talking about what your role in the planning process will be. As long as you are polite, then it shouldn’t be a problem to simply talk about it.
Post # 5
Don’t take it personally. Unfortunately, lots of people say things casually like “youll be in my wedding” long before they have sat down and thought about what they want. Just try to be a good friend and realize her circumstances or how she wants her wedding may have changed.
Post # 6
The only reason why I assumed that I would be in the wedding was because she told me I would be a bridesmaid not too long ago. We knew that her proposal was coming soon. I would never just assume that since she was in mine I would be in hers.
Also, I don’t plan to bring this up to her at all. I would never want to spoil her moment. I love her too much for that. I just can’t help, but feel sad.
Post # 7
red_rose Thank you. I understand that people change their minds about the wedding they want. I know that I definitley did. I guess I just really took it to heart since we had a whole conversation about it.
Post # 8
@TeganRiley: Hey, youre allowed to feel a little sad! 🙂 I felt the same way when my best friend and Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t make me her Maid/Matron of Honor despite saying she would, but I know she wanted her sister to have that title. I will still be the one helping her, choosing things, taking care of her, taking her dress shopping and the like, because at the end of the day I want her to have an amazing experience and day, even if Im not ‘recognised’ for it 🙂