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Wow thats so random. I could understand if it was part of a gift, but that alone is just odd.
Wow, that does sound off. Maybe their wedding was a low budget wedding or maybe it's a joke...I hope it's a joke. What did the other bridesmaids say?
@Francescasina: It wasn't low budget AT all. (She had over 45k for a budget.)
Ha, well... we all kind of looked at it like "Oh, wow. Uh, thanks?"
Thing is, we dealt with a lot of her crap and her bridezilla-ness (including a few of us flying out, on top of paying for everything-as expected, and willing...)
That's horrible! I would definitely say something, with the other bridesmaids of course. Just put it out there that the gift she gave made you guys feel like she didn't really appreciate what you guys did for HER and HER wedding. That's just not right!
Oh weird! I can't imagine anyone wanting a Pocketbac over even a heartfelt card :(.
I could see it being okay if it was part of like a travel/getting ready kit kind of thing with maybe some tissues, lip gloss, etc. By itself is strange though.
@jo.lee: She didn't even give us cards. Haha. She was even like "Oh, I was going to write something out, but didn't. Oops. Here you go. *Hands pocketbac*"
Wow, how many bridesmaids were there?! Did she give each of you the same exact kind? It sounds like she maybe forgot about gifts and just grabbed the first thing she could find, but WOW. So bizarre!... Or is it possible she's mad at you guys? Or does the bride have OCD? I don't get why/how she would think that's an appropriate gift.
Sort of funny semi-related story... My FMIL is an extremely difficult person. Like, I can't even begin to explain. She's just a pain in the @ss and not very pleasant to be around, But anyway, people ALWAYS give her antibacterial hand gel as a gift. Every birthday and Christmas she gets like 5 of them or more. She's not a germophobe or anything, people just never know what to get her.
i am a BM in a wedding this weekend and i can say honestly that if i received that as a gift i would be a little miffed to say the least. even a candle would have been better and takes just as little thought or personalization....
i wouldnt say anything though... i know the etiquette is that the bride gives her girls a gift, but i would feel weird telling someone they didnt get me a good enough gift.
in your case, the gift reached a new level of suck-age, but still...
I would have done like a set, and had a pocketpac match... but not just.... that is off.
I had to google "pocketbac" first just to see what is was - mini bottles of hand sanitizer?? Wow thats really lame. Ouch. Though I don't really know what you can say to her...
@Stammie16: I had to google it, too. Geeze. I would have been so confused and hurt. :-\
Did she pay for the dresses or anything else you needed for the wedding? Hotel room, etc? I was in a wedding where I didn't get anything (not even a card), but the bride gave me the fabric and pattern to have the dress made.
I would give her a Pocketbac as a wedding present. Well, maybe two since they ae a couple now.
Seriously, who does that? I'd rather no gift then that insult!
I also had to google it....That's horrible. I would be PISSED!!!!! BM's spend a lot of time. $$, energy getting ready for someone's wedding so you should reward them with at least a card! Hand sanitizer.... THAT"S CRAP!!
Yeah that's weird... better a thank you card than a thoughtless gift.
Ditto Vegas Pug. If you had to put up with a ton of crap and a bridezilla, give her a taste of her own medicine! That's awful! I can't believe someone that mean and insulting would find someone that wants to marry them but thats just my opinion..
@iswimibikeirun: There were 5 of us, and we all got different kinds, but it was definietly wtf.
It kinda pissed me off, because with my own wedding, we were on a $4,000 budget. (It turned out AWESOME because my mom and uncle are local photographers and had the right hook ups. Free pictures, got a nice cake for cheap, a friend DJ'ed, we used student resources at our university- Got a nice banquet hall for $100 for the entire day, etc.)
Bridezilla here was in my wedding as my MOH. I know it's not typical, but I paid for EVERYTHING (dresses, hair, make-up, mani-pedis AND *thoughful* gifts for EACH girl, and I had 4 of them. Only one of them said she would pay for her own dress, which I didn't let her. I know how hard it is, and I felt SO bad even thinking of asking them to pay for anything!)
She didn't help with a thing. She picked out these $200 dresses, which there was a $100 one that was exactly the same at a different store. She went ahead and ordered them, without consulting ANY of us to see if that was okay, then demanded that we pay the deposit (which she had to put down on all 5 dresses when she ordered them).
There were 2 of us that flew out a week early to help her because she was stressing out. (I am a grad student, and so is my husband, so we're not exactly rakin' in the money.) She didn't help with the tickets, not that I expected her to, but I was hoping she'd help me find a place to stay.
When we were trying to figure out where myself and the other out of town girl were staying, she told us to get a hotel room. (She has a 3 bedroom apartment, which she was living in by herself.) Didn't help with that at all, luckily we shared a room (one of the BM's worked at the hotel and got us a GOOD deal) and we split it.
She booked us all make-up, hair and nail appointments at a really expensive salon. She told us that she'd pay for that, but then when it came down to it, we ended up paying for our own stuff. (It was one of those situations where you didn't want to start a fight by asking, "WTF?")
The entire week, we were doing all the little, tiny stupid meaningless tasks (but needed to be done, and she honestly should have done some of these things WAY before the week leading up to the wedding.) Then we heard her complaining on the phone to someone that we weren't helping AT all and that she was sick of all the drama. We were at the rehearsal dinner when that happened, and I guess she thought that since it was so loud in there that we couldn't hear her? I have no idea.
She cancelled the bachelorette party an HOUR ahead of time. Said that she didn't want to deal with it. We'd put down money on the place a few months ago. When she asked a couple of us if that was selfish of her, it took a lot of strength not to say anything. (The MOH had put SO SO SO much work into it.)
Not only all of that, but she was being rude to most of us, except for one of the girls.
Feeling unapprieciated as it was, then she gives us those pocketbacs? That was a little much.
Ouch, she sounds like a total bridezilla. I'd be mad too, but I'd try to make a joke about it, like in the future telling her: remember how after all we went through you only gave us hand sanitizer? Yeeep, I'm a mean person.
I think if she was like that at the rehearsal dinner she did it on purpose.
Wow I would have walked out on her when she told me to foot the beauty bills she offered to pay for...
I'd send her some pocketbac for her anniversary!
I was a bridesmaid recently and didn't get anything
She's a jerk, plain and simple. I'm so sorry, what a lousy way for her to treat friends.
I just read your story about how it went down. Maybe she was mad at you all for not helping enought (even though it seems like you did lots!). I'd be pretty offended it and take it badly.
Yikes. That's terrible. I was in another wedding where the bride gave us inexpensive hair clips and t-shirts from the city (we were all out of town). However, she arranged for housing for ALL of us (with friends/family before the wedding and at a hotel the night before and after), local transportation, meals, and sight seeing. We didn't have to do a thing but show up (pay for our flights) and pay to have our dresses altered (she bought them for us).
I would feel really unappreicated too!
@ThePrincessMaggie: I agree. I think she did it on purpose, too.
BUT, I also think there's maybe a little more to this story. We're only hearing one side of it... I had a BM (who is now kicked out), who called me a Bridezilla. Her version of events was VERY different than what actually happened in reality. If I hadn't kicked her out, pocket bac would have been too generous a gift to give her at the rate she was going. Just saying, there might be more to OP's story that we're not getting. I find it hard to believe anyone would treat their friends this way unprovoked, but if that's truly the case then shame on the bride! And if she really is such a sh!tty person, why stay friends with her and agree to be in her wedding???
EEk.. It is a very strange gift. If I were given that I would be wierded out but laugh about it an let it go. I wouldn't gift bash anyone...no matter how crappy. But I totally agree that at least there could have been a card or something!
Oh, wow! Like some of these bees, I too had to look up what a PocketBac is. I can understand your frustration, I've been a bridesmaid four times and only once did the bride give me a gift. The others, two of which are in my own wedding, did not give us anything and they were both somewhat of destination weddings. While I knew it's general etiquette to give gifts to the bridal party, I did not expect anything so it wasn't a big deal. I agree with you, I would've rather not receive anything. That "gift" is more a slap in the face than a thank you for your time, money spent and work you put into her wedding. And how dare she say you guys have not helped! Seeing this thread has really made me double think my gift to my bridesmaids. I was planning on getting their shoes for them for the wedding and engraved money clips for the groomsmen. Thoughts? I wish I could afford to pay for their lodging as it is a destination wedding, but I've already addressed this issue with them. My budget is substantially less than your bride's budget, but I'm still making sure that my bridal party receives nice gifts to show our appreciation. I know how much work it is to be a bridesmaid and how expensive it is. I might have to add a couple movie tickets in there their thank you card because of this thread. Thanks for sharing your story, it's a good reminder for us brides who are in the planning phase to appreciate our bridal party.
If there is another side to it, I'd LOVE for her to explain it to all of us. I mean honestly, we were there for her and did pretty much everything she asked (that we were able to do, and that was reasonable).
We were all a little taken aback by her attitude.
She even was like "Am I being a bridezilla? I think I'm being pretty good you guys." then a minute later she'd be losing her sh*t over people not being able to accomidate things that she decided on last minute. (Like wanting to change her cake the day before the wedding.) We never once told her that she was being rediculous, and were trying to calm her down and talk her through things.
She'd get pissed off about things that the girls had told her ahead of time. (One had french tips on that needed removed before the mani/pedi appointments she made for us. She told the bride that she'd pay for the removal, but that she didn't have time BEFORE then to get it done. The bride said that it wasn't a big deal, and then decided not to tell the salon about that when she booked the appointments. Of course it took an extra 20 minutes and that made her angry, then b*tched the rest of the day about the other girl being so inconsiderate.)
She's always had a bit of a selfish kind of sh*tty attitude when things were bad, but it was tolerable and rare. (Everyone's allowed to be cranky and think for themselves from time to time.) Seems like it's gotten worse over the years, and I've known her since we were 5, but the wedding REALLY, REALLY brought it out in her. I was not expecting her to be SO bad. She wasn't just treating us poorly, but she was doing the same crap to her (now) husband.
Honestly, after all of that stuff, a couple of us are seriously reconsidering our friendship with her.
@Mmmmaria: I think the shoes would be nice.I like the money clip idea. I really wanted to get flasks for our guys, but we didn't end up doing that.
I tried to think of things that they really liked, and wanted to make sure that I put some thought into it. One of them really likes Celtic-y things, so I got her a celtic knot jewerly set. Another likes anime things, so I got her a DVD set of something that she wanted. Etc. :)
@PinkMagnolia: I half wonder if she was expecting us to do everything for her, and to read her mind.
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Would you consider Pocketbac to be an appropiate bridesmaid's gift? (I would have been just as happy not to get anything.) I feel like it was something that was unthoughtful and last second.