Not sure how to handle this…

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Hostess
9919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

invite her to help you pick flowers, or invitations or something.  She doesn’t have to pay but she can be involved in the choosing process

Post # 4
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@echapman:  It sounds like no matter what you choose she will find fault with it. You have been doing the best you can. Give her options and see if she wants to help.. My guess from what youve said is she will say no regardless or find a problem with any option

Post # 5
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If the only way to get to know her is going to her then go to her. When FFIL invites you over, both of you go.  

I believe when she says she wants to help she means physically help, like stuffing envelopes, or making favors.  She made it pretty clear she’s not offering a lump sum of money.

Post # 6
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2006

I totally agree with bibbleskip. Ask her to go with you to pick out flowers, food or dresses. It could also be a bonding moment between you.

Post # 8
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Like the others have said, contributing money to the wedding isn’t a necessity. My mother-in-law was pushy with money, but I let her pick out the song for the mother-son dance. In all honesty, that’s all I let her do, but I gave her some choice in the matter.

Letting her help you select centerpieces or giving input on the music can be great. So can other arrangements – we didn’t want a limo for the duration of our whole wedding (expensive!), so after my husband checked into our wedding night hotel and dropped off the car, we had his parents pick him up and drop him off to get married. Little things like that can ease a lot of tension and “she’s not including me” drama.

Mothers-in-law don’t always know exactly how to *ask* how they can help.

Post # 9
Member
6279 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@echapman:  my FI started to have a relationship with his mother again right before he and I started dating.  i wouldn’t call them close but he does see her once a week.

i always pictured having a MIL that I would love and would love me, but his MIL will never been that person.  she was a drug addict in her younger years and had a stroke a few years ago.  she also smokes like a chimney and rarely leaves her house.

she is really not involved with wedding planning and i’m not sure that she wants to be.  we asked MIL to host the rehearsal dinner.  and I invited FMIL to have her makeup done with us when we are getting ready.

i would suggest to just include her when you can but not expect much.

 

 

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