Post # 1
I have been with my FI for 5+ years. I absolutely love his family, well his immediate family anyway. His mom has always been someone I can call when I need someone, and her home is always been a place we go for lots of love and fun. Lately all the wedding planning has been getting overwhelming, as he is a typical groom and is leaving most everything to me, and i turned to FMIL for help…and this is where my problem starts.
While she has always been supportive of our relationship, she has absolutely no interest in our wedding. She doesn’t want to go look at dresses, venues, or even really talk about the wedding at all. My mom never had a big wedding (Both times were JOP) So i figured my FMIL would be excited to help, since she’s had 2 big weddings, I was so wrong. Is it wrong of me to want her to be excited? I dont even know where to start with the wedding planning, or where to go from where I am. What do I say to make her excited? Does it even matter?
Post # 3
@mamastephi: My MIL wasn’t really that excited either. She went dress shopping with me and was happy about that, but most other things that I tried to include her in she wasn’t really into. No idea why, she was excited about our marriage and likes me, but just wasn’t into the planning stuff. Just not her thing I guess, and I tried not to take it personally, but it was hard! As we got closer to the day she got more excited. Like literally a week before she was asking me a ton of questions about what she could help with. I don’t know if she didn’t realize all the work that we were doing or what, but she did end up helping right before the wedding.
Post # 4
@mamastephi: I don’t think you can “make” someone excited about your wedding. If she’s already planned 2 big weddings, maybe she’s done! Her lack of interest in the actual planning of your wedding doesn’t mean she’s not excited about your marriage – she just doesn’t necessarily care about all the details.
Also, have you actually asked your own mom to see if she can help? Just because she didn’t plan big weddings for herself doesn’t mean she won’t come help.
Ultimately, this is a good life lesson – no one cares as much about your wedding as you do. If you’re overwhelmed by what you’re planning, either hire a wedding coordinator or plan a smaller event that won’t overwhelm you.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Maybe she is over wedding planning after 2 big ones…it does suck, pretty much. Don’t take it personally.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
Maybe she remembers it as a lot of unnecessary stress, a lot of work, and isn’t excited to jump back into that world? Totally doesn’t mean she isn’t excited about the marriage, maybe just the wedding. You know?
What does her attitude hint at when you invite her to dress shop etc? Is it like “Oh, nah, I don’t think so…” or is it more “Ugh, I’d rather poke my eyes out” ?
Post # 7
My MIL could basically care less about the planning of our wedding. Just wasn’t her thing. She is wonderful though, someone i can talk to, go to, ect. I wouldn’t let it bother you, or if it is bothering you, openly ask.
She finally got excited when we wrote our vows and about two weeks before the wedding. Shrug. She was totally excited about the marriage, just not the wedding so much (as a PP suggested).
Post # 8
Its a lot of “ughhh i’ll do it if i have to, but i would rather not”.
My mom has been a help, but shes as lost as I am, there is so much involved. I was ready for a backyard, little wedding and my FI wants a big affair, time to make him participate!
Post # 9
another aspect to the non-excitement could be that shes having a hard time with the thoughts of loosing her little boy…..
My FMIL kind of did the same thing…everytime I brought up wedding stuff when we were still way out (timewise) and kinda passed it off and said things like “ya thats fine…but I dont really always want to talk about the wedding because its going to consume my life if everything is “wedding wedding wedding “and we’re still so far out”…etc….
soon after I found out his parents were having quite the emotional hardship about letting their son go. They love me (or at least they say they do lol) and they are happy about the wedding but ….it can be hard for some people. Doing wedding things and having conversations makes it “real” ….
When I handed the invite to his mom and she took it out of the envelope she started at it for 5 minutes and when I asked what she thought she just said omg I havent read it yet Im in shock…this is really happening lol…
now that its just over 3 weeks away shes all up in it
Post # 10
@mamastephi: I wouldn’t take it personally 🙂 My own mother is totally not into any of the wedding planning stuff. It’s just not her thing.
I wonder if your FMIL actually planned her own weddings? Maybe her mom did it, or she hired someone? You might open up more of a conversation about it if you approached it like that. (eg: “OMG how on earth did you accomplish all of this?”)
Post # 11
@mamastephi: I would absolutely not take it personally! I can understand wanting her to be excited, and wanting to include her but there are plenty of reasons for which she may not be as excited as you are. It could be as simple as she doesn’t want to intrude on your plans, plans with your mom, etc (seriously – my step dad can be teh same way!! he’ll tell me that he doesn’t want to offend my dad/his family). She may also just not be all about weddings, even though she had large weddings. It’s not for everyone.
Post # 12
I would not be offended. MILs typically are not all that involved or excited about weddings (of course there are exceptions). After planning two big weddings, I would not be excited about another one either. Wedding planning is a P.I.T.A.
Post # 13
@whoa_its_ash: +1, I was thinking the same thing